Woohoo! The Facebook page of Elder Midwives is a comedy goldmine!
Indeed, I am beginning to wonder if it is real or a parody, since it’s difficult to imagine anyone as thoroughly clueless as these supposedly experienced “midwives” are.
Consider this gem:
I want all your opinions! I have a new client who wants to birth at home so bad it breaks my heart. She may go US. She was in a car accident 2years ago and had surgery on her saccrum, where they placed a rod with screws. After the surgery she had an embolism in right lung. She was on Coumadin til she got pregnant, then was placed on Lovenox, and will be put Heparin at 36 weeks til birth. She feels none of these things put her at risk. I have not said I will attend, told her I have never faced these things, and would have to do some research before I commit. Have any of you faced either of these conditions? I’m off to look up these drugs.
Ii suppose that we should be grateful that this “midwife” hesitated, but the fact that she is even considering attending this birth is pretty horrifying. She has no idea what any of this means, but even she ought to know that this is not a low risk birth. Doesn’t that mean she is obligated to counsel that she is an inappropriate patient for homebirth under any circumstances, since homebirth midwives are only trained in “normal birth”? Apparently not.
Her colleagues are no less ignorant and irresponsible as she:
Has she done her research?
And:
I wouldn’t be overly concerned about the sacrum. Can you do a VE and see if there is any movement, but I would think even if there isn’t the pelvis and baby will adjust for it, just might mean more pushing.
And this astounding bit of blatant ignorance:
the goal of these meds is to make women who are hyperclotters into normal clotters — so theoretically — they should hve normal bleeding response if the levels are correct.
Wrong. These drugs are dosed to give the patient an abnormally prolonged clotting time.
Bur my personal favorite response comes from a patient:
i was on coumadin before my last pregnancy, then was on clexane during, due to previous postpartum cardiomyopathy and stroke at a later date. I had a moderate PPH after that pregnancy (my 4th) where as I had no previous history of bleeding… I chose to free birth again – mostly because I coudn’t get an attendant of any description. I am 25 weeks pregnant again at the moment, and this time I have decided to treat my tendency to coagulate naturally via lumbrokinase, nattokinase, and earthing…
So let’s see if I get this straight. A history of cardiomyopathy, stroke and postpartum hemorrhage. Just another variation of normal, amirite?
No artificial medications for her. She’s “treating” her increased risk of thrombo-embolism, not with evil heparin, naturally occurring in and harvested from mammals, but lumbrokinase obtained from earthworms and nattokinase from soybeans. Because, really, what could be closer to human anti-clotting compounds than those from earthworms?
I hear you asking: what’s earthing? No, silly, it’s not putting dirt on yourself. That would be ridiculous. It’s “an important health discovery!”
The practice of using the earth’s energy is called “earthing” and entails “grounding” a person to the earth much as an electrical current is grounded.
See, doesn’t that make sense?
As I say, the Elder Midwives are comedy gold … unless, of course, you stop to consider that the lives of mothers and babies are routinely put at risk by these fools. But what’s more important, really? Whether midwives can find enough paying clients or whether mothers and babies live or die?
Obviously, a midwife’s opportunity to get a birth junkie high is far more important that trivial matters like life and death.
