Another day, another piece of lacto-porn, another super-model kidding herself that she’s “normalizing” breastfeeding.
Nicole Trunfio, commenting on the above cover photo for Australian Elle Magazine, tells E! Online:
“There is nothing more powerful and beautiful than motherhood. The last thing I want to do is be controversial, so please take this for what it is, let us #normalizebreastfeeding there is nothing worse than a mother that is judged for feeding her hungry child in public,” she writes.
“#weareonlyhuman I’m so proud of this cover and for what it’s stands for. I obviously don’t look like this while I am breastfeeding but this stands for all women out there, whether you breastfeed or not, we gave birth, we are women, we are mothers. Thank you to ELLE for being so bold and making such an encouraging, positive and healthy statement.
Sure Nicole, just like this photo normalizes vaccines:
And like this photo normalizes policewomen:
We recognize these photos as pornography and Trunfio’s cover photo resembles them in all the details: exposure of breasts, come hither look, sexy outfit. The only difference is the props. Instead of using a hypodermic or crime tape as a prop, Trunfio uses her son.
Some commentors are thrilled.
According to Alessandra Dubin at Today.com Style:
Model Nicole Trunfio graces the June cover of Elle Australia, in a photo shot by Georges Antoni, in which she nurses her 4-month-old son. The model and first-time mom wears an open suede coat while her babe, Zion, is in the buff.
In addition to making a gorgeous image, it also makes a powerful statement, given the uniqueness of such a scene on a highly visible piece of media.
Sara Bliss, writing for Yahoo Beauty says:
The image has struck a cord on social media, with the hashtag #normalizebreastfeeding taking off. It’s especially powerful at a time when women publicly breastfeeding their children is sometimes seen as something that should be hidden away. Trunfio looks radiant, happy, relaxed. The image captures a beautiful, everyday motherhood moment (except of course the ultra-glamorous aspect, breastfeeding can be painful, exhausting, and messy).
I disagree that it normalizes breastfeeding. It does exactly what those who promote breastfeeding should be trying to avoid. It sexualizes breastfeeding instead of portraying it as what it is: a mother nourishing her child with no effort to titillate (the use of the word is not coincidental) the others around her.
If we want to normalize breastfeeding, we shouldn’t be making breastfeeding pornography. Yes, it sells magazines, and it undoubtedly gets people talking, but it hardly sending the message that should be sent:
Babies need to eat; mothers need to feed them; and they should be able to do so publicly without being harassed by sexual prudes.
If we want to normalize breastfeeding, we shouldn’t be posting lacto-porn on magazine covers. We should be providing every woman with the opportunity to breastfeed wherever and whenever her baby needs to be fed.
Using breasts to sell magazines doesn’t normalize breastfeeding; it normalizes the sexism of using breasts to sell magazines.
“this stands for all women out there, whether you breastfeed or not, we gave birth, we are women, we are mothers”
Wait, so women who DON’T give birth (i.e. adopted their child) AREN’T mothers?
What about mothers who have to use a surrogate?
What about mothers who need an emergency c-section? Are they still mothers?
Ugh, no. Just freaking no. I agree, this does not ‘normalize’ breastfeeding, it really does just emphasize that boobs are sexual and thus should not be whipped out in public (for the record, I am totally pro-public breastfeeding, babies need to eat).
What we need to do is work on creating spaces that are safe for women to feed their children in public, free of harassment and shaming. No matter HOW they feed. Whether it’s from the boob or a bottle.
Better hashtag IMHO: #stopthemommywars
Anyone remember the Claridges case in England? A woman was breastfeeding in public and they asked her to put on a napkin? I didn’t really think the restaurant staff was that bad or unreasonable.
They didn’t force her to wear a burkha or kick her out of the restaurant!
I would have been forced to leave with my first. No way, no how was he nursing under any kind of cover.
So breastfeeding is ok so long as a woman looks sexy and not fat anywhere on her body and has her hair and make-up done professionally?
Actually I don’t think this model is that pretty, sorry if that sounds catty.
It looks as if they are trying to make her breasts look as big as possible just to be attractive to men, not for a comfortable pose.
This is so sexist. I’m tired of see images of breastfeeding at all never mind celebrities who are desperate to look sexy.
From A list to Z list, every famous person wannabe, never-has-been is posting pics of themselves as if to prove they are breastfeeding.
Every interview with any female celeb contains details where they drone on incessantly about how wonderful breastfeeding is and how it is helping them to lose weight….like that’s the only reason a mother should breastfeed.
I bet some celebs are only pretending to breastfeed. If they lie about cosmetic surgery then they lie about other things as well.
They tried this sort of campaign in Mexico by having posters of topless women on billboards with a sash wrapped around their breasts but no baby in sight! Also these women didn’t look like they’d recently given birth…liposuction or photoshop. Also at least one looked like she had breast implants. It backfired as women complained it set an unrealistic image for new mothers.
It seems to me that every single message about breastfeeding treats women like idiots who can’t make up their own minds and need to be treated like school children.
Dept. of Health reps., nurses, midwives and even some doctors know what’s better for them and their babies. Women can’t be trusted to read studies and make up their own minds. Mothers in hospitals can’t be trusted with formula. This last point is like not giving children sweets before dinner as it will ruin their appetite.
Woman are so shallow that they will only breastfeed if they can lose weight and look super-sexy while doing so as men and their wants are more important!
I noticed that much of this conversation turned into a covered vs uncovered, nursing room vs public place debate. I think that is missing the point here. The point is babies need to be fed. Mothers should be supported to feed their babies wherever, whenever, however they are most comfortable. The idea that this scantily clad, made-up model with a baby on the boob is normalizing breastfeeding is a joke. It is very far from what is truly normal.
OT: the Onion has joined the shaming bandwagon. http://www.theonion.com/article/woman-already-bad-start-mother-after-requesting-ep-50473
Shaming? Maybe of the natural childbirth movement. Maybe I’m just reading your comment wrong, but that’s satire…. though sadly pretty weak satire since some natrualcult mommies have absolutely actually said that.
http://www.thedadnetwork.co.uk/2014/08/the-best-newborn-baby-picture-ever.html
Exhibit A as to the lack of judgment at this photo shoot.
The only thing this cover says to me is that breastfeeding is considered “cool” enough for the supermodels to do it. That’s fine and dandy, and if it influences the women who are fortunate enough to be able to follow trends to bf if they can, great. But those aren’t the women who need to have breastfeeding “normalized” for them.
How about a photo of a McDonald’s worker taking a break to bf her child? Or, say, the woman who most likely cleans Trunfio’s house for her? If we really want to increase bf rates, what needs to be “normalized” is social and economic supports for women who can’t bf without them.
Something I’ve been thinking about- it’s almost as though these women demonize the women who prefer a bit more privacy while BFing. It’s perfectly normal to BF a baby in public, cover or no cover, but it’s almost as though women who prefer to use covers or nursing facilities are evil, bad mothers. Personally, I used a cover because I very much prefer to NOT have a roomful of total strangers looking at my tits (That “You lose all shame” thing never quite kicked in for me), but that’s just me.
I stopped covering with a big blanket after it seemed to make the whole process way more of an obvious production. Just being crafty with my clothing kept it very discreet. I didn’t want to be stared at, and didn’t want to hide in a bathroom, and I didn’t have to; it was just part of being out with my baby. I don’t think anyone could even tell he was nursing.
Often all sorts of other squishy post-pregnancy bits go on display during breastfeeding too, and I didn’t want a roomful of people, strangers or otherwise, looking at those either. And I was never comfortable enough to breastfeed, even under a cover, in front of my father-in-law…
Am I to understand that I ought to feel as if I look like Ms. Triunfio if I breastfeed my child? I suppose most women would like that. No leaky breasts, no sore nipples, no tiredness? Maybe having a make-up expert and hairdresser “touch me up” before each feed will make me just like her…
WILL I look like her if I breastfeed? If I breastfeed, will I be as detached from my infant as she appears to be from hers, gazing into the camera instead of at the prop, er, baby?
Glamorize =/= normalize.
I love you Dr. Amy but I have read this twice and I still don’t agree. Best I can tell, moms still often feel like they have to hide their boobs to feed their babies. I don’t believe it’s normal enough in our society. I live in crunch land and two dear friend new moms I know have been scolded for discreetly feeding their babies in restaurants. I don’t think the picture in question is pornographic or meant to be, I think the nurse and police officer are. Just have to say it I disagree on this one. Young women today are better off breastfeeding than we were but frankly, it’s usually young men who are so shaken up by seeing a boob and a baby nursing. I do think there is a point that if we could change our culture to be lets say more like France ( one of the women this happened to grew up there and she was stunned by the remark ) men wouldn’t get so squeamish seeing a baby nursing. Wouldn’t this stop if everyone grew up seeing babies nursing? It would just be normal. Maybe topless beaches help with that too. But seriously, I am really sick of moms getting shamed for feeding their babies. This isn’t for me about breast v bottle its about sensitive new moms getting hurt. I think the more images that people get used to of nursing babies ( including the one above) the less tears there will be and jerks will move on to making remarks about something else because it won’t occur to them to think nursing a baby is remarkable. I don’t see that photo as sexy, but most acceptable breastfeeding art … Madonna v whore? Maybe we don’t have to be Madonna’s to nurse our baby. I think it’s great.
This photo does not help to remove the shame around nursing. Instead, it creates this impossible to achieve standard around breastfeeding which only hurts women. I’d love to see people be less prudish and reactionary with regards to women’s bodies but putting an airbrushed model perfectly made up model in designer clothing with her mouth hanging open while she breastfeeds isn’t going to do it.
This cover really isn’t about breastfeeding so much as it’s about male gaze. No woman breastfeeding in public is going to be making sexy come-hither eyes, with her lips parted and the whole nine yards. Not unless she wants everyone around her to think she’s frigging insane.
I am totally fine with public breastfeeding and don’t think women’s boobs should be such a damned taboo, either. But this cover is capitalizing on the taboo, not combating it. It’s using breastfeeding as a coy front to show off female nudity. This is nothing revolutionary or shocking. It’s tired and worn out. It’s hackneyed.
The nurse and police officer pictures are done more traditionally in the style of porn, and this cover is not. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t both appealing to a similar sort of male gaze. The high production value of the cover doesn’t change its basic goal.
Her son didn’t get a choice in whether or not his mother breastfed him on the cover of an internationally known magazine. I think it’s worth discussing whether or not a person is making thoughtful, responsible decisions in their children’s best interest when they do magazine covers like this.
Wanted to note that I am not at ALL against female nudity! But context matters, and so does intent. There is no feminist or revolutionary intent in this picture. The model and photographers and stylists are flattering themselves quite inappropriately if they imply otherwise.
Well, judging by this discussion I think that if there wasn’t revolutionary intent there should have been. We have gotten comments here that are a step away from “why doesn’t she do that in the bathroom” so clearly the revolution never really worked.
Regarding the lack of consent from the son, if we see this as a problem in a photoshoot, it also opens the door to having a problem with breastfeeding in public because they did not consent to *that*, which makes me nervous. Babies are unable to consent to anything, so we grant legal guardians the right to make choices for them. While it certainly does seem like these photos could be embarrassing later in life, I’m not willing to tell women not to post pictures of breastfeeding in public spaces for *that* reason.
There’s feeding the baby because he’s hungry and needs food, with the public nature of the feeding being incidental and basically irrelevant, and then there’s feeding the baby as a means of presenting yourself as a breastfeeding sex object.
The baby understands hungry and requires food, the parent is obligated to provide food. The baby does not understand, need, or is obligated to receive participation in infant feeding as a sexual statement.
This picture would still be disturbing if she was bottle feeding, though. It’s sexing up feeding a baby, which is just icky. Sexual expression is not appropriate in every circumstance, and certainly not while using a baby as a prop.
This does not mean women cannot be both mothers and have sexual expression. A woman’s sexuality doesn’t get revoked when she has children. But using the child to express her sexuality is just gross.
And sexualizing breastfeeding, aside from being icky in the immediate, basically invites pervy behavior from the public when mothers are just trying to feed their babies.
Using an obviously sexual photo to argue that breastfeeding is not sexual does breastfeeding no favors.
I feel like the kid in the Emporer’s New Clothes, that photo to me just isn’t sexual enough to make it offensive. She’s just a pretty woman with make up to me. Her mouth is open but I don’t see the Victoria’s Secret come hither look on her face. Oh well, obviously, most see something I dont. I still like it. She’s kinda the anti Ina May to me?
the look I see is, I’m a model, I am feeding my baby, it’s a bit of a smirk like… Gonna make something of it? I don’t know maybe it’s my friend telling me how she cried when the guy made the comment, or maybe the moons in Aquarius but I think it’s an awesome picture. I so would like to shove this in the guy’s face and say women are gonna breastfeed wherever they want and you can just deal with it. That’s what her expression says to me, gotta problem with this? Deal with it … It’s your problem.
It’s the open mouth that makes it look sexual. I think of a deal with it face more like this: https://gifnainteasy.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/deal-with-it-fools.gif
Having said that, the sex isn’t what’s bothering me about the pic. It’s more setting the bar so fucking high for what a woman caring for a newborn infant is supposed to look like. Looking like a supermodel three months after birth is not normal. Enough with this shit already.
I agree that fashion magazines are almost never a friend to the feminist. That would be a fair complaint here. But, in a weird way, if she glammed it down to look more “mommy” and less sexy … ? On some level since women are accused of being “titillating” by feeding a baby in public…. I guess I see it’s as “titillate this”. Sure the Belle smirk is a clearer “deal with it” but I don’t know, is hey, yeah, I am sexy as hell and I am gonna feed my kid a message? Maybe it’s exactly the right message.
Susan, I guess I just don’t agree that the photo above isn’t glamorizing or sexualizing in nature…I truly think it is. The reality of how most of us look while nursing, and what is portrayed here in his photo simply do NOT align, and it really does nothing to inspire women to breastfeed or to do so in public. If anything, all it does, is make me roll my eyes, and say, “Yeah, right.”
Yeah, show her with frazzled hair, an spare cloth diaper over one shoulder of a wrinkled shirt (worn for three days straight) ready to burp/catch spit up as soon as baby starts screaming when he’s done eating, dark circles under her eyes, no makeup, and a messy house behind her if you want to catch the reality of new motherhood and the bliss of waking up every 3 hours to feed your child since only you can do it.
Well, I would love that even more!
One thing I remember from my breastfeeding days is the insistence by some people (with LLL, which was a huge help to me, but also a frustration at times) that I “should” nurse in public because it was everyone’s responsibility to normalize breastfeeding. I didn’t nurse in public because I saw it as a private thing for me, and I found the idea that it was my responsibility to normalize it intrusive and presumptuous; it was my responsibility to feed my baby, not market a way of doing so. I don’t have a problem with people feeding their babies wherever and however they want and are comfortable with, but I don’t think that means everyone should do it the same way, or that people are responsible for pushing a cause simply by virtue of breastfeeding.
That reminds me of the young woman who decided to “advertise” breast feeding at a baby fair by sitting topless on the floor with a wreath in her hair.
Anecdotally, no one ever criticized me for nursing in public. On the contrary, I was congratulated several times, which also made me uncomfortable. The problem with this picture for me is the model-mom’s expression; it’s more appropriate for the swimsuit calendar.
I seriously can’t see topless beaches helping breastfeeding rates! All it’s going to do is have more pervy men hanging around a beach.
I heard from a friend of mine who lives in France that the French aren’t all that tolerant about women breastfeeding in public and they have more topless beaches there I’ve had hot dinners!
I’m not sure where else in Europe has topless beaches?
Well said. Breastfeeding is already “normal”, as is bottle feeding, walking, breathing and eating.
What really needs to happen is normalising magazines. This could be done by posting a picture of an average-looking non-glam person doing something ordinary with normal clothing on and their mouth closed.
That would be a great exercise in “normalisation”, but maybe wouldn;t sell many mags.
Many years ago I knew people who worked on Rosie O’Donnell’s magazine. She wanted to do a cover with no makeup holding up her bandaged hand (she had a serious staph infection). The publishing company fought her tooth and nail but after a lot of drama she got her way. It turned out the be their bestselling issue. Yet magazines are still putting out these ridiculous images.
I always wonder how a half naked woman photo would normalize breastfeeding and I don’t understand what’s wrong with using a breastfeeding cover in public!?
We all know that the baby is eating and that’s normal but I’m not interested in watching your boobs in public or even on social media. Sex is natural, peeing and popping are natural but please don’t try to normalize these scenes too!!
guest ” I don’t understand what’s wrong with using a breastfeeding cover in public!?”
What’s wrong with just feeding a baby?
Please read Susan’s response above.
Suggesting that women should use a nursing cover in public is about as helpful as using this magazine cover to “normalize” breastfeeding. One advantage of being an older Mom is I really didn’t give a hoot what people thought when I breastfed my babies in public (with and without a cover) or when I mixed a bottle of formula for my babies in public. Perhaps what needs to be normalized is having new Mom’s feel confident enough with their choices to let intrusive comments roll off their backs or to politely tell someone to shove it if the situation warrants it. It is not about normalizing how we feed our babies. It is about un-normalizing society’s apparent need to comment on it.
There’s nothing wrong with using a cover when breastfeeding if that’s what’s most comfortable to you. But there’s also nothing wrong with not using a cover. In my experience most public breastfeeding is naturally pretty discreet anyway. I mean, there’s a baby’s head in the way covering everything – nothing’s exposed. (Not that I think it’s a big deal if things do get exposed)
Not as much coverage for some of us as others. But then I’m too body shy to wear v-necks
Meh. Seeing it as a bodily function and being grossed out by that is fine imo. It strikes me as very slightly impolite, as much as blowing your nose in public, but if you don’t provide tissues or a rest area for people to blow their noses in private, they shouldn’t be surprised when they find their bins overflowing with tissues in the middle of the public area.
I’m a little drunk, mind the cringing and waiting for boots to be flung for daring to be the slightest bit put off.
Really? Like a basket of used snot rags?
Ok.
You have a right to feel squicked out by whatever you want, but I hope no nursing mother reads your comment and bothers to give a shit. I’m no lactivist or boob Nazi, and some boots may get thrown in my direction for calling you on it, but your odd phobias are your problem, not anyone else’s.
It’s far from a phobia, and your reaction is why people are so polarized on the issue. What I want to advocate for is a quiet, private area for families to feed their newborns or whatever in peace, because A) That would be nice, and B) Sorry but it IS a bodily function and nothing will ever make it not a bodily function.
So it’s a bodily function. So is breathing. Would you like a separate, private space for that too? Digestion? Swallowing? What about adults and older children eating? Still a bodily function.
A space to feed a baby privately if the caregiver so chooses is lovely. Requiring a breastfeeding mother to use it? Not so much.
Nursing rooms were especially nice in those early days, when I needed a big chair, get in just the right position, and practically strip half naked. Not that I was going out much with a baby that young. But once I barely had to move my shirt to nurse? Why bother?
I was always glad to find nursing rooms handy, but I never got past the need for stripping half naked and getting into just the right position. I would have definitely gotten the Clumsiest Breastfeeder Award!
Some babies never get the memo about “no wiggling while eating”.
“It would be nice if people treated breastfeeding like they did runny noses, but if they can’t then people not providing them shouldn’t be surprised when mothers do it publically” is hardly requiring anything, let alone the burka wearing, mother shaming, public lactation naziism you’re insinuating.
As for comparing it to a bodily function, if obtuse examples were comparable to breast feeding, I’d have used a different one than the secretia it most reminds me of.
It really is just eating. I’m sorry you take issue with it and it reminds you of a runny nose, but it isn’t a runny nose. Any problem you have with it is your own, but your attitude is enough to scare some women off. It’s not about protecting or promoting breastfeeding at the expense of bottle feeding at that point, but about women who feel they cannot or should not go out with their children.
But the thing is, my attitude doesn’t extend towards telling people unprompted. I don’t say a thing when I see mothers breastfeeding in public, and my overwhelming feeling is that they’d be better served with a quiet room to go into because that’s just good customer service. Someone here commented that they feel that it’s gross, on a personal level, and I shared the feeling.
Picture aside, this is interesting to me. My job does involve helping mom’s breastfeed, among a zillion other things. Since, even if the benefits are trivial, they are benefits, and even if formula and breastmilk were 100% equal, I think moms should have support for breastfeeding or formula: Why would you think it’s so gross? And if you had grown up in a society where you saw lots and lots of nursing babies and toddlers, and women didn’t cover their boobs, would you still think it is gross? You aren’t alone, I have heard this from lots of teenage girls and boys… that’s disgusting! I think it’s a problem that may be at the root of why breastfeeding is so damn hard for so many people. Who would want to feed their baby in a way that makes them think they are doing something that reminds them of pooping or blowing their nose. Which, makes me think of the woman KQ said was sitting without a shirt as lactivism. Hey, maybe that’s the problem. The only boobs we ignore are the model looking ones. Unless they are being used to feed a baby by a model, then it’s too sexy and a step from child abuse according to some commenters here. This is all just fascinating to me. Maybe what we need is to get used to ugly, droopy, naked boobs? Something needs to change so it’s not so common to think, this biology of how we feed infants is …actually gross. And, on a personal level, it does piss me off, because I am in my fifties and things haven’t changed enough so women my daughter’s age are being scolding for nursing in a restaurant. I think that’s a problem and it does make me angry. It would make me angry if they were shamed for bottlefeeding too as I agree with Dr. Amy that whether to breastfeed or not is a feminist issue. Her boobs her choice her business. But it goes both ways and I am dismayed that so many say “eww gross” about milk coming from a breast to feed a baby.
For me it’s an OCD thing, which is why I don’t push it on others and only ever mention it when someone brings up that they’re grossed out by it as well. When I was a kid I saw a friend of the family breastfeeding, which was very common – even if I wasn’t breastfed for health reasons my family has always been supportive of it and it was just no big deal to whip it out at the table – she was simultaneously talking about an infection or blockage in a nipple that occurred not long after pregnancy. That was what triggered it for me, and even though I’ve actually tasted breast milk to try and get over it because I know it’s not going to be all salty and mucousy, there’s an intrusive thought of that taste/texture that overrides logic.
That’s my thing, but I have pretty severe anxiety issues including that OCD. It would be interesting to find out if others with similar, not phobias, but aversions maybe, have the same issue.
I’m sorry I jumped down your throat. I know and love someone with OCD and know that it is very hard to deal with an aversion like that. And the kicker of it is, is that if the aversion or obsession about one thing moves on, the brain tends to just pick something else to focus on!
Arg. Again, sorry.
It’s cool, so many people are like “ARGH BEWBIES PUT THOSE AWAY FOUL WOMEN” that speaking about it on the internet could easily be misinterpreted as putting other women down. It’s just so hard to contextualize without being able to see the other person’s gestures or tone, so I apologize as well.
Well, that’s very different and understandable. This discussion is interesting I agree. I have stuff like that myself where I can’t shake an association from childhood. Nothing meant as a personal attack.
Don’t worry about it, it’s a conversation we need to have. Discussion is necessary. 🙂
I can understand that, and appreciate that you do not come across in public as you seemed to do to me here.
I have a friend with a serious thing about bare feet. She truly cannot stand to be barefoot or look at bare feet. She would prefer everyone wear shoes at all times, including swimming and beaches. I’m not a huge footwear fan, but I do make sure I leave my shoes on when I see her, and I don’t swim with her.
My overwhelming feeling, when I was a nursing mother, was that I was better served with a cup of tea and a chat with a friend than I was alone in a private room while my friend waited alone for me to finish. My overwhelming feeling now is that a private room on offer is great for those who want it whatever feeding method is being used, and feeding in public by whatever method works for caregiver and baby is great too.
I don’t like the sound of teeth on forks, but I don’t expect people in restaurants to excuse themselves from my presence.
You should, it’s a ghastly sound.
To paraphrase = “It would be nice if people treated breastfeeding like they did runny noses, but if they can’t then people not providing them shouldn’t be surprised when mothers do it publically.”
It isn’t something *I* like personally. Zero fucks are given, aside from reassuring someone on the internet that they’re not freaks for being grossed out by it. This isn’t somewhere we should be crucifying people for varying degrees of discomfort and accusing them of trying to force mothers into cloistering themselves.
Haha. I remember all the eating noises completely freaking me out the first time I tried to wear hearing aids in a restaurant … especially my own amplified chewing and swallowing. It was like being in a slop-the-hogs festival or something. Those hearing aids were in my pocket within minutes.
Ha! I know someone with a cochlear implant who had the same experiences. She said she was always being surprised (and sometimes horrified) that certain things made noises. Chewing was one of them.
Being honest I’m not that gone on women breastfeeding in public but at least wear a shawl, scarf etc. We don’t see men sitting topless in restaurants so should women. Plus they are leaking. You can’t blame people for being squeemish.
That’s half of what my argument is; the other half is that if they aren’t given an alternative such as private room or even a couch in the rest area, it’s rather silly to expect them to leave and sit the car or something, you know?
It’s a tricky argument for a complicated, transitory time in history.
I’ve been to plenty of places that do offer a private room. Not everyone wants to use one.
With careful clothing choices, there is no need for a cover. I nursed My then 3 month old through a wedding with no one realising. I got to see my friends marry and she was wonderfully quiet. The dress was designed for breastfeeding and did the job perfectly.
For me, at that point, what was wrong with it is that my son just plain would not nurse under any kind of cover. Rather than a discreet 10 minutes or so while I had a drink and a chat (usually), it turned into 30 minutes or more of on and off nursing interspersed with him screaming. Once he was big enough, clawing at the cover was added. My daughter felt similarly about covers, but would accept being in a sling which had a similar effect as a cover.
“We all know that the baby is eating and that’s normal but I’m not interested in watching your boobs in public or even on social media.” well…you could not watch, like, it’s not someone else’s responsibility to make sure you can’t see anything, you can avert your eyes. Peeing and pooping are not done in public because of hygiene reasons, men pee in front of each other at urinals and it’s perfectly normal…as for sex, sort of private and intimate, breastfeeding is not sexual, or inherently private or intimate (some women feel differently and they can choose to feed in private or covered). Protecting a woman’s right to feed in public uncovered is just as important as protecting a woman’s right to feed in private or covered, choice is the most important thing in this situation.
A few years ago I was at a bed-and-breakfast in Washington DC, sitting at a communal breakfast table. A woman sat down right across from me, yanked up her shirt, and put her baby to breast. Perhaps I should have said something supportive, or gotten up and left, but it struck me as an odd thing to do in front of a complete stranger.
I don’t think it’s necessary to say something supportive or not supportive. It just is.
I’d imagine that in an ideal world, no one would feel the need to comment at all. It would just be seen as completely unnoteworthy.
I mean, she had to sit somewhere, should she have taken her breakfast away, or sat in front of someone else… also it is possible to not stare at someone even if they’re right in front of you, you can read a book/newspaper, talk to the person next to you, or even just chat to the breastfeeding woman as you would if she wasn’t feeding.
Heaven forfend.
A couple of years ago I stepped into my local newspaper’s brouhaha following their article/series of editorials about a specific nursing in public incident. Many on-line comments became particularly nasty including my favorite, “I’d rather watch someone shit on my sidewalk than see something like that”.
I considered offering an experiment for the I’d-rather-watch lady to witness the entire delivery process of my husband’s morning constitutional on her front sidewalk followed by a breastfeeding observation with comparative ratings of her experiences … I’m nearly certain she was mistaken about her rathers 😉 Instead I wrote my own letter to the editor and suggested, in part, that those offended by seeing a baby feed should just stop looking.
Now I really think anyone so uncomfortable with feeding babies that they can’t make a distinction between shared company while eating vs defecating needs some serious exposure therapy … I know at this point after seeing thousands of nursing babies, it so normal for me that it really only registers whether someone is BREASTfeeding when I’m at work. On the other hand after decades of (the occasional) mothers determined to carry on mid-poop breastfeeding conversations during my LC rounds, I’m like “Seriously, it’s no trouble _at all_ for me to come back in a bit!” 😉
None of the breastfeeding art I’ve ever seen features all this sexiness. Usually the mother is looking lovingly at her baby, not looking like she’s waiting for a man to jump through the camera and take her.
The thought of some woman on a park bench making bedroom eyes at all the strangers walking past, while feeding her kid, is just weird. This picture is a combined tsunami of “WTF?” and “Nope!”
According to the radio interview I heard yesterday, that cover is only for subscribers and the one on the magazine racks will be a different pose with the baby’s face showing because (paraphrased) “Elle subscribers will know it is meant as art and not as a political piece.” Not that the purported intent changes anything, as it’s being grabbed by lactivists to prove some point.
So tired of the ‘baby as a prop’ photos though, especially when coupled with sexualised poses and expressions. It really grosses me out.
What would be more “normalizing” is a picture with a shirt with an obvious milk spot on it, or maybe a fully dressed baby and a mom with a nursing shirt on…with a loving gaze at her newborn rather than a lusty come hither look, Or maybe if she looked at little more sleep deprived it would sit better…but yes, this is lacto-porn.
Or some stretch marks on the boobs. I know not everyone gets them but those are some extremely photoshopped boobies. Also I feel like she’s trying to sex me up with her eyes. That is… Really, really, really uncomfortable. Like, I can’t look at the picture for more than three seconds uncomfortable. No because I’m uncomfortable with sex but I mean come on! She’s got a baby on her breast but also trying to look like she’s inviting to get someone off.
It’s awkward. I need an adult.
Babies aren’t sex props. Ever. This picture is gross.
Just saw this post today on FFF:
http://www.fearlessformulafeeder.com
If formula feeding moms feel this way, do we really need to “normalize” breastfeeding?
Yes, we do, because it’s a good way to feed a baby and should be considered a normal thing to do.
Not THE normal thing, but A normal thing. There are parents catching crap for breastfeeding, for formula feeding, for combo feeding, for pumping, for not pumping, for not using organic non-GMO formula, for using the wrong bottle, and whatever other perfectly adequate choice they’ve made to get good nourishment into the kid.
I support normalizing any method of feeding a baby that is safe, nutritionally adequate, and reasonably achievable for the family doing the feeding. Normalizing breastfeeding does not necessarily and should not be used to justify vilifying any other method.
It’s not breast VS bottle, or breast milk VS formula. It’s breast OR bottle OR both (or sippy cup or whatever) and breastmilk OR formula OR both.
But that’s my point. By making a big push to “normalize breastfeeding” I think it MAKES it a breast vs bottle, either/or debate because it implies that another feeding method is then not “normal.” I think we just need to stop mom shaming. I know plenty of breastfeeding moms who get praised in public, some who still get shamed in public and bottle feeding moms who get shamed for using formula. (Incidentally, I’ve never met a formula feeding mom who was lauded or praised for using formula.) I also think the push to “normalize” breastfeeding also ignores that combo feeding is also an option. I have no problems with breastfeeding. I still do it though I mostly formula feed. My whole point in posting that link is that the mom there felt guilty for choosing formula as a preference not a last resort after failing to breastfeed and we all deserve to make a choice that suits our family without guilt.
The difference between normalizing breastfeeding and bottle feeding is that no one is accused of being sexually provocative because they bottle feed in front of someone. No one compares bottle feeding to defecating, having sex, or blowing their nose in public.
No, but strangers have insinuated to me that I do not care about my child or I’m ignorant because I’m feeding formula. The peanut gallery feels the need to weigh in on everyone’s choices. it doesn’t matter if it’s about being sexy or not. Both cases involve shaming a mom for feeding her baby in a way that she chooses and both feeding methods are a valid and personal choice.
Well you see, we are all supposed to breastfeed, just not do it in public. We should just keep our breasts and our babies at home.
Moms are really put in an impossible place if they are trying to please all commenters.
Breast is best, but if you are feeding your baby in public it should definitely not be from the breast. So then what about bottles? Well, even if they are full of breastmilk, they aren’t what is best and formula is downright poison, isn’t it?
Somehow accepting that babies being fed, whether from the breast, pumped milk or formula is a good thing and that all of those options are valid choices and acceptable to do in public seems to be impossible for many people who feel they need to share their opinions with mothers.
If we are showing skin, it had better be for the enjoyment of men, or put those things away.
I think that’s awful and moms should not be shamed for feeding babies period. But the “bodily function” stuff above including lots of implications that polite women don’t breastfeed, at a table, without a cover, etc shows to me this has a whole lot more with boobs are for sex, boobs are gross leaky female parts. I think it’s all very anti female. Not you, but I think people who are grossed out by the sight of a nursing baby are either ignorant or suffering from form of sexual repression/anti female. I find this whole thing disturbing as the comments are often not far from 1970s. Maybe there is still room for lactivism.
“If formula feeding moms feel this way, do we really need to “normalize” breastfeeding?”
I would say the above quote is much more divisive than the idea of normalizing breastfeeding as a choice. The idea that only one can be “normal”, that you have to choose sides, is very divisive. Both can be supported, at the same time, by the same person, and acknowledging the issues faced due to one choice doesn’t take away from acknowledging issues faced from making a different choice.
There are women who face disrespect because they are stay at home moms, and that is wrong. It doesn’t mean we should stop fighting for respect for working moms (or moms who work part time, or at home, or volunteer, or whatever).
Supporting choice means calling out whatever violation of it occurs, not deciding one choice is more worthy of support or protection.
The statement I made was in respect to the FFF post. My point was that she did not feel that she could make the choice to formula feed unless she’d “tried hard enough” to breastfeed. All I was saying is that we’ve tried so hard to “normalize breastfeeding” (media campaigns, BFHI, LatchOn NY, etc.) that we’ve alienated formula feeding moms. I don’t feel we should be pushing one or the other but that is what seems to have happened. I certainly don’t think that is ok. If I thought breastfeeding wasn’t good or normal I wouldn’t be doing it myself and I certainly would t have done it in public, which I have. I think we agree more than we disagree.
I see your point, and I agree we have a lot of overlap. I fear the pendulum swinging back to alienating breastfeeders, which is just another version of shaming parents over perfectly reasonable choices. I have a pretty firm “what works for your family is what’s best for your family” stance.
And BFHI, Latch On, LLL, etc, aren’t normalizing breastfeeding. They are glorifying it, patrolling it, enforcing it- often to the detriment of the babies they claim to be helping; certainly they are alienating (at best) a lot of mothers. There is nothing normal about their dedication to lactation, and I don’t support it.
Similar article and photo of actress Olivia Wilde. *eyeroll* http://uk.eonline.com/news/566175/olivia-wilde-breastfeeds-otis-in-glamour-s-september-issue-see-her-sweet-mother-son-pics
What kind of mother would bring their baby naked to a restaurant?
Normalize public diaper-less extended potty training!
let’s not…I used to work as a cashier in a supermarket and once had a lady who’s toddler had a poop explosion ALL over the shopping trolley, and all the shopping. She came over to ask if she could leave the trolley with me and I think it was the only time I just stood totally frozen, ashen and blank like NO, NO I do not get paid enough to watch your poop trolley
You know what they say, it takes a fecal minefield village…
Gross, gross, gross. My daughter peed her pants in a play area and I used a blanket and wipes to clean it all up. I then asked them if they had clorox or something to clean it up. I felt like it was my responsibility and as much as I hate cleaning up my kids crap, I would absolutely be disgusted to clean up another kids poop.
I was just shocked, like I felt bad for the mum and obviously the kid who was sick…but I was just doing my level best to not vomit all over the floor lol
The kind who would use potty chairs in a restaurant.
http://blog.sfgate.com/sfmoms/2012/09/07/photo-of-mom-potty-training-kids-at-restaurant-table-sparks-outrage/
God knows.
At least she’s honest in the article:
“Unlike in Glamour, Wilde insists she doesn’t look as pulled together in real life. “I certainly don’t really look like that when I’m [typically] breast-feeding,” she says.””And there’s usually a diaper involved.”
She’s not an AP mom either:
“Becoming a parent hasn’t slowed her ambitions, either. “My mom is such a badass working mother. That inspired me when I was pregnant,” the Third Person star explains. “I wasn’t going to sacrifice myself because I was becoming a mother.””
Well thank God I almost exclusively formula feed. That means I’m not expected to look “normal” like this: thin, perfectly made up and with perfectly coiffed up hair. Plus my baby can wear a diaper and I don’t get pooped on. Bonus!
How can you tell there’s no dipe?
Oh, okay, the article says he’s in the buff. I never fed my kids in the buff. They were rarely diaper less outside of bath time.
Click on the E! link for the full cover
Even when we did skin to skin my baby had a diaper on! No diaper = proceed at your own risk!
My kid’s two, and it’s still this way! Made the mistake of letting him run around naked in our backyard the other evening…and suddenly had to clean up poop piles in various locales. Eewww.
“there is nothing worse than a mother that is judged for feeding her hungry child in public”
This kind of hyperbole annoys me. I could think of a thousand things worse.
And the only judging I see going on today is aimed at bottle feeding mothers.
I wish these rabid lactivists would cite instances where they’ve been confronted, interfered with or prevented from breastfeeding. I bet they can’t.
There are serious issues – such as paid parental leave for parents – we could discuss and address. I wish we would. This other stuff is a distraction.
I have a friend with a nursing baby and she nurses pretty freely in public. I would say without a cover, but she uses an ergo and really unless you are looking down her front there is nothing showing so it is kind of hard to classify it as uncovered.
Out in public with her I have never seen her get any comments or looks, mostly because honestly I am having a conversation with her and I can hardly tell, but she says once in a while someone will glare at her while she is nursing and one woman made a comment about her being one of “those people” whatever that means. So it does happen, but I have gotten shit for bottle feeding in public before so I think the cosmic scales balance on that one. Judging mothers is the national passtime and until the culture around parenting changes I don’t think there is anything you can do to get away from the opinions of the public.
I used to with my son as well, including in some pretty public places (The Lion King show at Disney’s Animal Kingdom comes to mind). I was pretty discrete with it, though – I truthfully viewed it as a private act between the two of us that I didn’t want strangers to observe.
In two years of breastfeeding, I never got one comment or odd look.
I’ve not breastfed in public when I would have when, after picking the baby up and getting him into position, I looked around while reaching into my nursing shirt to unhook the nursing bra clip and saw a creepy man staring at my covered chest. Like he was waiting to see if he could get a peek while I got the baby latched. I don’t use a cover because I haven’t found one that works well for me, but my nursing shirts have over, under, and side coverage, so there’s not much to see unless the baby whips his head around (which happens a lot).
It made me super uncomfortable. Mostly though, people just don’t notice or care, which is exactly how it should be.
One of my breastfeeding friends said she almost went up to another breastfeeding mother and told her how awesome she thought it was that this woman was breastfeeding her baby in a restaurant. She only stopped because the woman breastfeeding didn’t speak English and she thought it’d be difficult to communicate with her. So at least some of the time women who breastfeed in public are being lauded. Meanwhile, I’ve been chastised by complete strangers for formula feeding my baby in public (“Don’t you know breast is best??”) How about we just be happy when we see a woman feeding her baby. Period. As a culture, we don’t need to “normalize breastfeeding.” We just need to stop mom shaming.
And I agree that there are much more pressing issues that should be discussed like paid parental leave, like you mentioned.
It was annoying to me to be given applause for nursing the kid. I do not need anyone’s approval for doing what the majority of bitches, queens, and mares manage to do. I actually combo’d a bit, I also swore the next time someone asked me what was in the bottle, I’d tell them vodka!
Your story reminded me of an experience in my breastfeeding class at the hospital before my son was born. The LC asked what we were afraid of, and my reply was “I don’t want to become a rabid lactivist like my friend (Crazy Lactivist).” The LC said that I didn’t need to, but that I should certainly congratulate other moms when I saw them breastfeeding…because it shows camaraderie and support.
Yeah, let’s just say we were on different wavelengths with that one. Why would I congratulate a mom who is breastfeeding? She’s feeding her child. It’s not something I generally congratulate other parents on, the same as I don’t generally congratulate them for changing a kid’s diaper. Either way, she’s feeding her child…and either way, it’s none of my damn business.
I just have to say that the one time a woman congratulated me for breastfeeding my baby I was really annoyed. It felt presumptuous and intrusive to me. You might want to share that with your friend for some perspective. A kind smile, fine. But an actual comment, not so fine for a person who is fairly private most of the time.
A vague smile and maintaining or avoiding eye contact as fits the context is all I ever hoped for.
Yes, it’s totally inappropriate for anyone to pass judgment on your feeding choices and then be so presumptuous as to communicate it to you. This does not become acceptable behaviour simply because they’re praising you.
I bf’d for 11 months. In that time, every time I nursed in public I was PRAISED by strangers. On the occasions I bottle fed in public? Shame. Shamed by strangers or bare minimum given the stink eye
Yeah. I’m of the school that if a mother wants to feed a child, whatever age, in public without a cover, that is her right and the only appropriate response from anyone else is to mind your own effing business. But despite the absolute contempt I have for people who would judge a mother for feeding a hungry child in public, I can think of quite a lot of things that are worse. Genocide, for example. Global warming. Things like that.
I live in Crunchville, I openly bottle fed both of my babies in public, and no one said a word to me about it. Either I’m very lucky or people in my area are exceptionally polite.
That kind of hyperbole is annoying. It’s like saying an episiotomy is the worst possible thing that could happen… which annoys me too.
But seriously, I know two new moms who have recently been scolded by strangers for nursing at restaurants. This is in a very progressive town. Maybe I am not a rabid lactavist but it IS still happening.
Yes, there is more judging I see re bottlefeeding and I don’t like that either.
And that criticism, forgive me, sounds a little like the NCB people that come hear giving Dr. Amy the advice to work on things in hospitals. Complaining that one should only give attention to a more serious issue seems to me to be a common way of deflecting criticism .
Over at Are They All Yours is a mum to be wanting advice about diet, exercise etc to avoid ‘at all costs’ a hospital birth. Not sure that means what she thinks it means.
Yeah, I’m all for allowing women to BF in public but that doesn’t mean they need to let it all hang out to make a “statement”. And really these kind of photos are just more stuff that might make new moms feel inadequate. I could never bf standing up just holding my baby. I needed to be sitting, with my boppy, etc.
Cosmo recently ran a photo essay of women bottle-feeding their babies. I don’t think any of them made the cover.
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a39828/beautiful-bottle-feeding-photos/?src=spr_FBPAGE&spr_id=1440_176496115
Love this.
Love it but I wish they’d thrown a few dads and grandparents in there since that’s one of the big advantages of bottle feeding.
Yeah, notice how these photoshoots and social media selfies never “normalize” breastfeeding using a cover. I am ALL for women not having to use a cover, but when you exclude covers from a “normalizing” campaign you’re telling women it’s only normal if you don’t cover. That’s not okay. “Normal” breastfeeding isn’t glamorous. It’s often messy, painful, tiring, and backbreaking. Don’t fucking tell me that I failed at it because I couldn’t look like this doing it, and highly preferred to do it in private.
Her facial expression reminds me of NCBers plugging “orgasmic birth”; what’s next – orgasmic breastfeeding?
Maybe its the shadowing, but her face looks lopsided to me. Maybe they should have shown a woman who still has some pregnancy weight, wearing maternity pants, a top for ease of nursing access, a nursing bra and a pony-tail. She would either be looking at her nursing child, or playing with her phone while baby eats. Baby would be wearing at least a diaper, and by the time the baby was done eating, spit-up would be all over her shoulder. That’s normal breastfeeding.
“There is nothing more powerful and beautiful than motherhood.”
I guess the fathers are SOL.
I completely agree with this post. Initially, I started trying to think of non-pornographic ways to “normalize” breastfeeding, but then I realized that, according to lactivists, breastfeeding is ALREADY normal. You know, because they say “Breast isn’t best, breast is NORMAL.” So, by their own words, their battle is already won.
And of course, in the lactivist world infant feeding is a perfect dichotomy—either you breast feed (normal) or you formula feed (abnormal.) Frankly, I think their activism time and money would be better spent on feeding hungry children in whatever country they live in. Child hunger is a way bigger issue than whether or not a supermodel breastfeeds. Let’s normalize nutritious meals every day for every child.
This is irrelevant, but the “vaccination normalizing” one makes me giggle every time I see it.
Also wondering who paid for the coat to be cleaned if the baby had an…event…after eating (pee, poop, spit up: all things that happen to normal babies after they eat.)
You’re right, this isn’t normalizing BF it’s fetishizing it and creating an impossible standard for women to follow. You don’t just have to BF, it should be so effortless you can do it with full makeup, a blowout, and a naked baby against your suede jacket.
Yeah. I couldn’t do it without sitting with my boppy.
With my first, a boppy was the norm for the first few months and even after that I was most comfortable that way. With my second though, I could and did nurse her standing in a crowded train while it was moving. Sometimes it really is that easy.
Of course, I have never, child or not, looked like a model.
I am laughing remembering the MASSIVE EXPLOSIVE bowel mov’ts my babies has while actively nursing. HA HA this kid is diaper-less. Good luck cleaning that off the ridiculously over priced leather coat.
Bravo!
Let’s not get into the fact that I can think of a lot of things that are worse than judging a breastfeeding mother, and also that this was certainly not done for ALL women, since not all women are mothers (and there are women who are fathers).
OT, I’m hoping for good news from Ireland tomorrow, and being cheered up by #hometovote, which is making me feel positive about humanity.
Fingers crossed that the yes vote passes! Wish I could get home to vote, but it’s been great to see so much support for marriage equality.
What’s up? I haven’t been following Irish/UK news lately
There’s a referendum on gay marriage in Ireland today, looks like the yes vote (to allow it) may actually pass!
Ireland looks like it may become the first country in the world to fully legalise same sex marriage by popular vote.
Which would be amazing, given homosexuality was only decriminalised in 1993 and civil unions were legalised in 2010.
Ireland doesn’t have postal votes. Expats retain their voting right if they have been out of the country for less than 18 months, but only if they vote in person. You also have to vote in your home parish.
Which means not only that people who live and work in the cities are driving home to rural villages to vote, but that thousands of expats and people on holidays and trips are travelling home especially to vote, and the vast majority of those who are returning home to vote are voting yes.
The #hometovote twitter stream had me crying in my office today. And the #voteyes with pics of parents proudly voting with their children, too. *sniff*
Oh I just looked and wow. All the tears.
Rest assured, the only times I’ve ever had that expression on my face my husband was in the room and my son was not. I have never seen any other woman look like that while breastfeeding, either, and I’ve seen a fair few.
Magazines staffer: “This wasn’t a contrived situation: Zion needed a feed, Nicole gave it
to him, and when we saw how beautiful they looked we simply moved her
onto the set.”
Oh sure ,the baby was just hanging out with no diaper and then the mom put held him against an incredibly expensive suede jacket during a photoshoot. Because that’s what women would do in non-contrived situation–put a baby’s naked butt on something that costs over $1K.
And she just happens to be wearing no blouse or nursing bra. Uh huh.
Well, if they truly were in the middle of a shoot she most likely wasn’t wearing a blouse or bra. But I’ll bet money that the baby started out with at least a diaper on, and probably more.
Wait why wouldn’t she be wearing a shirt or bra at the shoot? What kind of model is she?
My guess is that she would take off the probably grungy and lumpy nursing bra and put on something more elegant for a shoot, not that she was not wearning a bra at any point. The baby _might_ have started crying from hunger while she was changing and she _might_ have thrown an expensive coat over herself for modesty (and to put something on quickly) prior to running over and picking the baby up, though that a pretty risky thing to do with the client’s stuff. But the lack of diaper I just can’t explain unless she’s doing one of these extreme “no diaper just learn the baby’s signals and take them to the potty when they need to go” things.
I’m betting she’s doing elimination communication. Diapers are so “sheeple”, don’t you know.
I’d further bet that if she is she is not the person primarily responsible for cleaning up the mess when there’s a bit of miscommunication.
“What kind of model is she?”
Just one who is fully willing to pose topless or close-to-topless (which isn’t that rare for models, I don’t think). I could certainly see a shoot where she was wearing just the super chic jacket with nothing underneath.
https://www.google.com/search?q=Nicole+Trunfio&biw=1466&bih=823&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=bYJfVdKZI-q1sASF44HYBQ&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAQ#tbm=isch&q=nicole+trunfio+pirelli&revid=415936353
Many photo shoots involve wearing clothes without undergarments – no lines that way, and you can go farther with revealing side boob and so on. Ditto for shirt. It always looks stupid to me, to have models wearing something that is obviously intended to be worn with other things under it without, but it’s a thing in fashion shoots to have them not.