Homebirth advocates discover smoking is safe in pregnancy

Hi, folks! Ima Frawde here, everybody’s favorite homebirth advocate, with some surprising news. Homebirth advocates have learned, through a process of deduction and logic, that smoking in pregnancy is both empowering and safe.

How do we know? Let me count the ways.

1. Smoking is natural.

Smoking involves three things: tobacco, fire and breathing. All three are 100% natural. Here’s what Wikipedia says about the research on tobacco:

Tobacco is an agricultural product processed from the leaves of plants in the genus Nicotiana. It can be consumed, … used in some medicines. It is … a valuable cash crop for countries such as Cuba, China and the United States. Tobacco, name for any plant of the genus Nicotiana of the Solanaceae family (nightshade family) and for the product manufactured from the leaf and used in cigars and cigarettes, snuff, and pipe and chewing tobacco.

See, it’s a crop. No different from wheat or rice. Of course you do have to be careful about toxins. That’s why homebirth advocates know that you should only smoke 100% organic tobacco.

Need more scientific data? Try:

Organic Growth Factor Requirements of Tobacco Tissue Cultures
, Physiologia Plantarum, Volume 18, Issue 1, pages 100–127, January 1965

A Revised Medium for Rapid Growth and Bio Assays with Tobacco Tissue Cultures
, Physiologia Plantarum, Volume 15, Issue 3, pages 473–497, July 1962

The complete nucleotide sequence of the tobacco chloroplast genome: its gene organization and expression, EMBO J. 1986 September; 5(9): 2043–2049

That’s three real scientific papers. There are plenty more and when I have time I’ll cut and paste the rest of them for you.

2. Smoking does not harm babies.

All ten of my friends who smoked while pregnant had healthy babies. And, I have read stories on line of fifty other women who smoked and no harm came to any of their babies. Plus, they were empowered by their decision to ignore what their doctor said and do what feels right to them.

3. If smoking were harmful, we wouldn’t be here.

Before that fear mongering Surgeon General’s report on the “dangers” of tobacco published back in the early 1960’s, half of US women smoked while pregnant. Not only are we still here, but the US population has GROWN since that time. According to the CIA World Factbook, the US population has been growing at a rate of 0.883%.

4. If smoking were harmful to an individual baby, his mother would know it.

Strong, fierce mamas have super powerful mama-intuition. If they thought for one minute that their babies were being deprived of oxygen when they smoked, they wouldn’t do it. They don’t take risks with their babies lives. They KNOW that smoking while pregnant is a safe, empowering choice.

5. Guess what my OB said??!! “Smoking leads to abruption, prematurity, low birth weight, and stillbirth.” Yup, like all other obstetricians, he played the dead baby card. Why? Isn’t the answer obvious?

It’s all about the money. Smoking leads to smaller babies who are more likely to be delivered vaginally, thereby depriving obstetricians of the opportunity to do a C-section and ruin a woman’s birth experience. And we all know that obstetricians make only $5 dollars for a vaginal birth and $50,000 for each and every C-section birth extraction.

Doctors have been engaged in a witch hunt against tobacco farmers for the past 50 years. Does that seem fair to you? All those rich doctors ganging up on those dirt poor tobacco farmers all because they resent the economic competition.

6. What about those stories of people who die of lung cancer? First of all, how do we know that they got lung cancer from smoking? Maybe they would have gotten lung cancer anyway even if they had followed their doctor’s advice. Second, plenty of people smoke and don’t get lung cancer. Third, some people never smoke and get lung cancer anyway. See, for example, CYP1A1 and GSTM1 genetic polymorphisms and lung cancer risk in Caucasian non-smokers: a pooled analysis, Carcinogenesis, Volume 24, Issue 5, Pp. 875-882.

So there you have it. Smoking in pregnancy is a safe empowering choice. All you have to do is “trust tobacco.”

Wait. What? Yes, it’s true the the thought process in determining that smoking in pregnancy is safe bears a striking resemblance to my arguments for the safety of homebirth. But we all know that homebirth is safe, so that’s just another reason why we should believe that smoking in pregnancy is safe, too.

There’s no need to thank me for these incredible insights of logic and reasoning. Just show your appreciation by buying a copy of the latest edition of my book, The Spiritual Tobacconist.

74 Responses to “Homebirth advocates discover smoking is safe in pregnancy”

  1. confused
    August 16, 2018 at 11:19 am #

    I am SO confused and addicted to tobacco. Everything else I do is so health conscious in every way possible, yoga, meditation, no meat, no chemicals, homegrown food, all organic from food to bedding to fluoride free water, etc. but tobacco is something Im struggling with severely I think mainly bc I dont know who to trust or who to reach out to for help.

    I smoke only 100% organic tobacco and am 16 weeks pregnant and I wonder if it is a real risk. I do not trust western medicine doctors, CDC, or insurance company motivations for their research, and have heard that their data is “all about the money.” All while I hear so many stories of pregnant women friends having no adverse effects, which counter all the CDC etc data. I worry about the real risks, and if I should try to quit or not.

    During my first pregnancy I quit cold turkey and refrained from smoking the entire time I was pregnant. BUT I had had the worst outcome (hydrops/death and then mirror syndrome-like per-clamsia). Hence my confusion- it seems worse to not smoke. I picked up the habit again immediately due to stress and depression after our loss, and I havnt been able to kick it since.

    This is our second try and I will do anything to make sure it is a healthy outcome but I dont know who to trust. Is it more risky to drop the habit or continue 5-7 100% organic cig a day habit? PLEASE help. I do not trust to even be honest with doctors for fear they will steal my child and only give me information based on money interests and lies.

    There is so much judgment around this topic also which makes it so impossible for women to reach out for help- as seen in the comment section here. I wish judgmental people realized they are exacerbating the issue and having the opposite effect than they intend to. Women in my situation need support, not judgment. Judgment and isolation coupled with addiction only makes one smoke more. Obviously I did not personally invent tobacco, so the blame is misplaced and would be better served directed elsewhere.

    • MaineJen
      August 16, 2018 at 1:34 pm #

      ??? YOu are joking yes ???

    • fiftyfifty1
      August 16, 2018 at 2:35 pm #

      Hi confused.
      I recommend that you stop smoking during the pregnancy. The issue with tobacco is that it constricts (narrows) blood vessels. This occurs whether or not the tobacco is organic. It is the natural substances in the tobacco itself that have this narrowing effect. When blood vessels constrict, the placenta can’t get enough blood, and that makes it harder for the baby to get enough nutrients and oxygen. I know it is SUPER hard to quit, but it’s worth doing. It gives your baby the best chance of being born healthy. There is a myth out there that says that quitting smoking is “too stressful and that’s worse for the baby” but that is NOT true. It’s always better for the baby to quit smoking. Whether it’s early, middle or late in your pregnancy, quitting smoking now gives your baby the best chance of being healthy. Good luck, and I am cheering for you. I wish you and your family all the best, and a healthy happy pregnancy and a happy healthy baby!

      • The Bofa on the Sofa
        August 16, 2018 at 3:33 pm #

        The issue with tobacco is that it constricts (narrows) blood vessels. This occurs whether or not the tobacco is organic.

        You mean that organic smoke is not ok for you? Or at least better than non-organic smoke?

        The hell you say?

        Related story: in our current work, we happen to be investigating the components of “liquid smoke” – the stuff you buy in grocery stores that you inject into meat to give it a smoky flavour without having to go through the process of smoking it.

        Inevitably, when I talk about our work and put up my slide showing the analysis of the chemicals that create the smoke flavour and aroma, there is a gasp in the audience. Oh sure, guaiacol and syringol are there (and that’s the flavour and aroma), but ortho-cresol, too? How can the FDA allow such chemicals to be sold as food? I can guarantee you now, you don’t want to eat (drink?) a lot of cresol, but if you are having smoky foods, that’s what you are getting a lot of.

        Now, chemically it makes a lot of sense, because cresol, guaiacol and syringol are primary products of lignin pyrolysis, and that’s what you get when you burn plant products. But that doesn’t mean they are good to ingest. But smoking is worse, because you inhale them straight into your lungs.

        Of course, there are combustion products that go along with that. Carbon monoxide, for example. And if you have nitrogen containing materials (including nicotine), you will get NOx products. So you also are breathing in small molecule toxin.

        And none of this has anything to do with organic vs non-organic. Burning pesticides isn’t what causes the problems with smoking. It is burning plant material. And that is something that can’t be avoided.

    • maidmarian555
      August 16, 2018 at 2:54 pm #

      Hi. I smoked through my first pregnancy (not proud, I just couldn’t quit as every time I tried to go cold turkey, I was having really horrible panic attacks and suicidal thoughts and I just didn’t manage to break the habit). If cold turkey isn’t something you can physically manage, I’d recommmed either trying nicotine replacement therapy (so gum, patches etc) and if that doesn’t work for you, what did crack it for me was switching to vaping. Vaping is not 100% safe BUT it doesn’t contain a fraction of the harmful chemicals that cigarettes (organic or otherwise) do.

      I know it’s really, really fucking hard. I have been there. I wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for a really good midwife, who sat me down at my booking appt with #2 and told me straight that even though vaping isn’t perfect, it was better than smoking. I just mentally needed that permission from someone to give it a try (in my first pregnancy I was told I should go cold turkey bc ALL NRT is somewhat harmful, which let my brain give me permission to continue smoking- bc the alternatives weren’t ‘safe’). You’re right that the judgemental comments don’t help- all they did for me was make it hard to openly admit I was doing something I knew was harmful. It just made me ashamed and unable to ask for help. Organic tobacco makes no difference, it’ll still be packed full of crap (to make it burn properly, to make your throat numb so you don’t feel how harsh it is etc etc). Whatever you can do to either stop it entirely or cut right down is a positive thing. Good luck!

    • August 16, 2018 at 4:32 pm #

      Hi Confused,

      Dr. Tuteur wrote this post as a bit of satire. Smoking is indeed not good for you or your baby, and I hope you’re encouraged by the posts below to get help quitting. We wish you the very best for a healthy pregnancy, safe delivery, and hale baby.

  2. John
    March 4, 2015 at 4:28 am #

    You’re an ignorant stupid idiot. Posting imbecele blog posts like this is what drives the world backwards. Thanks for contributing to making the world a worse place.

    • March 4, 2015 at 6:02 am #

      You know that this post is satire, yes? She’s mocking the people who endorse dangerous birthing practices under the banner of “trust birth”.

  3. Ben Sonnenhejes
    June 2, 2013 at 4:53 pm #

    OK, she smokes, and can’t stop. She fuckin’ stinks, and will die prematurely.

    • Phd one
      October 7, 2013 at 8:19 am #

      The
      trouble is, it is emotional responses like yours and others on here who swallow
      all the propaganda thrown at them, especially on passive smoking. Eating 1 BBQ
      sausage has more toxins in it than someone sharing a small room with a chain
      smoker for 30 days. The trouble is facts have been distorted by both the For
      Smoking and even more so by the ANTI group. With passive smoking the biggest
      survey ever carried out by the WHO found to their horror that the effects were
      not there when it came to passive smoking. However, it is the big drug
      companies who profit from ‘quit smoking’ products, that they know both fail to
      work with any real degree of success and can get people hooked on them instead
      or worst, as well as smoking. These companies have a very powerful lobby group
      over the world political stage. A lot of so called ‘facts’ are in fact anything
      but, and the statistics are being lied about to prove the anti-smokers group. Now
      I am not saying smoking is good for you, but what is needed is non-emotional
      facts about smoking and the real dangers to the individual, others around them
      and on child birth, I find it ironic one of the drugs used in preeclampsia is
      nicotine! Only when the real facts are out should either side say it is safe or
      unsafe and not the ‘tabloid’ science being peddled now.

  4. wtf
    May 29, 2013 at 10:20 am #

    Wtf, dumb bitch.

  5. Nan
    February 17, 2013 at 1:34 am #

    Wow this article is so disappointing! Every body is different and each preg is different. There is nothing ‘natural’ about setting up your bloodstream to purposely contain poison such as carbon monoxide. Each body and each baby can ‘tolerate’ the poison to varying degrees. Are u an OB? U should be encouraging each woman to be the best version of herself she can be.

    • MikoT
      February 17, 2013 at 3:31 am #

      Nan, you need to pack your computer up and send it back to the store.
      You are too stupid for internet.

    • Gene
      February 17, 2013 at 6:17 am #

      But tobacco is NATURAL! Just like heroin, cocaine, digitalis, aspirin, alcohol….

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