Anti-vax organization to merge with Flat Earth Society

a man standing on the edge of the world looking out into space

In a move sure to have far reaching implications, leading anti-vaxxers announced that they are merging their organizations with the Flat Earth Society.

Spokesperson Gull E. Bull explained that this exciting merger grew out of a chance encounter that occurred in the lobby of Trump Tower.

[pullquote align=”right” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]The merger grew out of a chance encounter in the lobby of Trump Tower.[/pullquote]

Andrew Fakefield, a leading anti-vax researcher, was awaiting his interview with President-Elect Donald Trump for a senior position at the FDA, while Flat Earth Society executive Steven Frawde was about to be vetted for leadership of NASA.

Fakefield and Frawde got to talking and realized that they had a startling amount in common above and beyond their personal friendship with Mr. Trump.

As Fakefield pointed out, both movements are made up of people who are “educated” and have done their own “research.”

Frawde concurred:

The members of the Flat Earth Society are not sheeple like most of the benighted folks who have accepted the assertion that the world is round. They know that astrophysicists are hiding the truth. Anti-vaxxers have equally incisive intelligence. The idea that injecting pieces of dead viruses into the human body to prevent infection with lives viruses makes as much sense as the absurd claim that the flat ground we walk upon is actually curved.

But the similarities don’t end there.

1. The glaring absence of RCTs

Fakefield notes that just as there has never been a randomized controlled double blind trial (RCT) to prove that vaccines are effective, there has never been a randomized controlled double blind to prove that the earth, or any other planet, is round. Considering that RCTs are widely recognized as the gold standard of research, the omission is particularly glaring.

2. Correlation is not causation

Sure, various vaccine preventable diseases began to disappear after the introduction of the relevant vaccines, but that was almost certainly due to improved sanitation and clean water. Sure, satellite and GPS technology rest on the assumption that the earth is round, but it could equally be explained by invoking anti-gravity ray guns that precisely position satellites above a flat earth.

3. Massive, corrupt government efforts to fool the populace

The unholy cabal of Big Medicine, Big Pharma and Big Government is widely recognized as responsible for the vaccine industry. As Fakefield points out, vaccines are a money making venture and manufacturers are greedy. That’s why they keep introducing more vaccines and insisting on boosters for diseases like tetanus.

Space missions involve even more money. Defense contractors, engineers and astrophysicists make billions while the American public is fleeced to support them. Just consider the massive expense required to stage the fake moon landings or to create the photographs supposedly sent back from deep space probes.

4. Poisons

Frawde notes that it’s tough to determine which is more dangerous: vaccine ingredients or the massive chemtrails created by space missions.

We’ve heard a lot about vaccine injuries, but I think going forward we are going to learn that chemtrail injuries are a greater problem. After all, vaccine injuries affect only those who were injected whereas chemtrails poison everyone.

According to Fakefield, there is some disagreement on this point.

The latest research from my esteemed colleague Dr. Bob Snears shows that vaccine shedding is a large and growing problem and may ultimately affect more people than chemtrails.

What will the new organization be named?

Frawde explained that their initial choice was Flax, a combination of Flat earth and anti-vax, but that was eventually dropped due to concerns that the name might be thought to promote Big Linen.

Fakefield told us that they ultimately settled on Morons United.

While it doesn’t directly reference either vaccines or earth, we think it captures the essence of what we have in common.