Claiming breastfeeding is optimal for babies is like claiming Volvos are optimal for babies


Volvos are widely recognized as the safest cars on the road.

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration announced today [June 7. 2017] that Volvo Cars will receive an award for its continued focus on safety. Of course, Volvo changed the car industry—and essentially invented the concept of highway safety—in 1959 when it released a patent for the three-point seatbelt to other automotive companies…

The NHTSA agrees that Volvo is the leading company in automotive safety technologies, as it looks for the most cutting-edge safety systems and holds its cars to the highest standard of protection. To do this, Volvo needs the most adept safety consultants to help build cars that will keep its drivers in one piece and significantly decrease fatalities on the road. The NHTSA has found these qualities in Magdalena Lindman and Per Lenhoff, both high-ranking members of the Volvo Cars Safety Centre. They developed many of the challenges in Volvo’s rigorous safety testing program, analyzing countless real-life accidents and simulating them to prepare each new Volvo for any dangerous situation.

For most parents, the welfare of their babies is paramount; therefore Volvos, as the safest cars, are optimal for babies. Any mother who doesn’t drive a Volvo is a sub-optimal parent, right? She is obviously too lazy and self-absorbed to put her child’s wellbeing first.

[pullquote align=”right” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]A good mother drives a Volvo; breastfeeding is not enough.[/pullquote]

Wait, what? You disagree? But it’s not a matter of opinion; it’s SCIENCE. Science shows — both in the lab and on the road — that Volvos have the most advanced safety features and the best safety records. Disagreeing that Volvos are optimal is an effort to compensate for your sense of inferiority from your failure to provide your child with the very best.

You use the safest possible car seat? Are we supposed to be impressed by that? Let’s face it, safe car seats are the bare minimum; “Volvos are Best.”

You worry that if you bought a Volvo, you couldn’t afford your mortgage or food for your older children? Get your priorities in order. There is NOTHING more important than providing your baby with optimal transportation.

You feel guilty that you didn’t buy a Volvo? Sorry, but your guilt is not a reason to deny the truth. It is more important to protect babies lives than to protect your feelings.

You feel bad that you can’t afford a Volvo? Good! You should feel bad. How dare you have children if you don’t intend to buy the optimal car?

Wait, what? You think there is more to raising children than the car your drive? What’s more important than whether your infant lives or dies?

You think your own needs and priorities matter? Get a grip. Only selfish mothers consider their own needs.

How do Volvos compare with breastfeeding? Car accidents are a major cause of infant mortality. Safer cars save lives. Breastfeeding is not nearly so important. The benefits of breastfeeding in industrialized countries are trivial, limited to 8% fewer colds and episodes of diarrheal illness across the entire population of infants in the first year. In other words, the majority of infants will experience NO benefit from breastfeeding.

How dare a women gloat that she is breastfeeding and therefore providing her infants with optimal nutrition if she doesn’t drive a Volvo to provide her infant with optimal transportation?

A good mother drives a Volvo; breastfeeding is not enough.