Who wants to live in Quackistan?


What if we created a special geographic area, a new state, for those who don’t want to vaccinate? We could carve out a piece of an existing state with low population like Wyoming or Idaho and call it Quackistan!

I can see the real estate brochures now:

[pullquote align=”right” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]What happens in Quackistan stays in Quackistan.[/pullquote]

Come live in an unspoiled wilderness — with soaring mountains, pristine lakes and abundant wildlife — together with those who share your philosophy that natural is best! Never again worry about government intrusion into healthcare decisions. There are no vaccinations in Quackistan, no “allopathic” doctors; you can have a homebirth (it’s actually your only choice), breastfeed freely anywhere and everywhere and homeschool every child who survives. Reject technology for an all natural lifestyle!

Best of all, the cost of living is in Quackistan is extremely low. Home prices start at only $10,000 for a family of 6. How can they keep prices so affordable? It’s easy: there’s no central heating (build a fire in your hearth), no running water (fetch it from the pristine lakes), no toilets (outhouse in the back yard) and a single bedroom for your family bed.

There’s no need to buy costly health insurance because there are no hospitals in Quackistan; our ancestors lived for tens of thousands of years and we are still here! Obviously hospitals are unnecessary. There are also no pharmaceuticals; you can grow your own healing herbs. Best of all, detoxing is free. Just drink the water from the pristine lakes and streams and the vomiting and diarrhea from giardia will clean you out in no time.

Quackistan is so healthy because toxins and GMOs are banned from supermarkets. In fact, supermarkets themselves are banned. Grow your own food or shoot it on the hoof! It’s up to you; you — not the government — are the boss in Quackistan.

Of course, whatever happens in Quackistan — whether it’s diphtheria, hemorrhage in childbirth or a stroke from untreated high blood pressure — stays in Quackistan. The surrounding states are refusing to treat the residents of Quackistan because they have no health insurance, but we don’t need to worry since everyone is going to be healthy all the time just like our Paleolithic ancestors. And if they’re not, remember that only the fittest survive!

The folks in Quackistan will elect their own officials, but it seems to me that Gwyneth Paltrow would make a great choice for governor. Joe Mercola would be an excellent director of Health and Human Services, Aviva Romm could be in charge of Maternal and Child Health and Kelly Brogan could run all the mental health facilities. They’re quacks already! Obviously they would have to repudiate their medical degrees and licenses first but I for one can’t wait to see how they keep the state’s inhabitants healthy with their positive thinking and rejection of conventional medicine. There will be no more cancer or heart disease, no newborn or maternal deaths, and no mental illness, either!

The greatest innovation of course will be the complete absence of vaccines. What about whooping cough, measles and tetanus? There won’t be any because everyone knows they were all disappearing long before the advent of vaccines. When was the last time anyone saw a case of tetanus in the general population? It has become so rare in modern times with great nutrition that there’s no need to worry about it.

So how about it folks? Who wants to live in Quackistan? Surely all the anti-vaxxers, homebirth advocates and GMO opponents will be rushing to move there, finally free to live their most cherished values.

Wait, what? No one wants to move there because they depend on the herd immunity of the people who do vaccinate? No one wants to move there because they rely on hospitals to rescue them from homebirths? No one wants to move there because they don’t want to live like our Paleolithic ancestors who died in droves and had an average life expectancy of 35 years?

I don’t believe it. They would never pass up the chance to inscribe their most cherished motto on the license plates of their bicycles and electric cars: Live Unvaxxed or Die!