Trust teeth!

broken tooth closeup. Girl at the dental reception

Hi, there, it’s Ima Frawde, Tooth-wife and I’m here to educate you about Spiritual Tooth-wifery.

I trained as a dental hygienist but that doesn’t sound particularly impressive — especially when compared to dentists who have initials like DMD and DDS after their names — so my friends and I created our own credential, the RTW (registered tooth-wife). The RTW signifies that we are experts in normal teeth. It’s an awesome credential because you don’t need any education or training, just the desire to hoodwink unsuspecting clients and the $450 fee.

But I digress.

Tooth-wives are sick and tired of dentists infringing on our turf by medicalizing teeth. Teeth are perfectly designed by nature, but you’d never know that if you fall for the dentocratic model of tooth care promoted by dentists. Between filling cavities, extracting teeth and drilling root canals dentists have encouraged people to fear the state of their teeth.

In contrast, tooth-wives promote the holistic tooth-wifery model of care. We trust teeth! That’s why tooth-wives should serve as gatekeepers to dental care. You’re only allowed to see a dentist if we approve … and we rarely approve.

Dentists criticize tooth-wives for demonizing interventions, but that’s simply untrue. We vigorously promote home tooth-brushing, home flossing and we recommend and provide professional tooth cleaning every 6 months. These are spiritual practices that empower individuals to take control of their own tooth care.

We do reject dentocratic practices like X-rays; we trust intuition instead. Dental X-rays could be wrong whereas intuition about the state of your teeth is always right. If you don’t feel like you have a cavity then there’s no need to check.

And if your intuition tells you that you need an intervention like a root canal, we can transfer your care to a dentist, but ONLY if we agree that you need one. After all, we are experts in normal teeth and we know that many sources of mouth pain — even excruciating mouth pain — are simply variations of normal.

We are also available to accompany you to the dentist’s office (for a fee) where we encourage you to reject recommended treatments if at all possible. However, if you do opt to undergo dentocratic interventions we will stay with you, hold your hand and prevent you from getting Novocaine. Tooth pain is natural and abolishing it with chemicals numbs you to the spiritual power of taking responsibility for your own pain. Our motto: “no tooth pain, no joy!”

Don’t think you can stand the pain of a root canal without anesthesia? Try hypno-toothing! For the low, low price of $800 we offer courses of multiple sessions to teach you to hypnotize yourself into ignoring the pain. But before you do anything else, you must purchase your own copy of Spiritual Tooth-wifery. It’s filled with stories of women who were empowered by employing tooth-wives and taking control of their own tooth care.

Educate yourself! Trust teeth! If you do you’ll never again fall for the dentocratic model of care and you’ll demand holistic tooth-wifery care for all the years until your teeth naturally fall out.

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  • Rivkah Rainey

    well said. Love it.

  • MichelleNes

    Lol!