Guilty, guilty, guilty!

Mike Adams, the editor of Natural News.com, is having a bad week. He got caught stuffing the ballot box for a health Shorty Award and was disqualified. Skeptics were among those who pointed out that up to 20% of his “votes” had come from new Twitter accounts created expressly to vote for him. So now he’s lashing out at skeptics, and I am proud to report that I have been included in his diatribe.

Adams’ post, What ‘skeptics’ really believe about vaccines, medicine, consciousness and the universe, is inadvertently hilarious. For your Sunday delectation (and for your laugh of the week), let me share his accusations and proudly proclaim my guilt.
Adams begins:

… Briefly stated, “skeptics” are in favor of vaccines, mammograms, pharmaceuticals and chemotherapy. They are opponents of nutritional supplements, herbal medicine, chiropractic care, massage therapy, energy medicine, homeopathy, prayer and therapeutic touch.

Yup, that’s me. I oppose the quackery of supplements, herbal medicine, etc. etc.

I thought it would be interesting to find out exactly what “skeptics” actually believe, so I did a little research and pulled this information from various “skeptic” websites. What I found will make you crack up laughing so hard that your abs will be sore for a week. Take a look…

Skeptics believe that pregnancy is a disease and childbirth is a medical crisis. (They are opponents of natural childbirth.)

Now we know he is talking about me, although he is a little confused. I don’t claim that pregnancy is a disease, merely that childbirth is inherently dangerous.

What else do I and my fellow skeptics supposedly believe?

Skeptics believe that fluoride chemicals derived from the scrubbers of coal-fired power plants are really good for human health. They’re so good, in fact, that they should be dumped into the water supply so that everyone is forced to drink those chemicals, regardless of their current level of exposure to fluoride from other sources.

Guilty! I support fluoridation of the water supply to prevent dental disease.

Skeptics believe that DEAD foods have exactly the same nutritional properties as LIVING foods (hilarious!).

Guilty! I believe that the vitamins, minerals, etc in food are neither alive nor dead.

Skeptics believe that water has no role in human health other than basic hydration. Water is inert, they say, and the water your toilet is identical to water from a natural spring (assuming the chemical composition is the same, anyway).

Guilty again!

Skeptics believe that the moon has no influence over life on Earth. Farming in sync with moon cycles is just superstition, they say. (So why are the cycles of life for insects, animals and humans tied to the moon, then?)

Skeptics believe that the SUN has no role in human health other than to cause skin cancer. They completely deny any healing abilities of light…

Skeptics do not believe in intuition. They believe that mothers cannot “feel” the emotions of their infants at a distance. They write off all such “psychic” events as mere coincidence.

Guilty, guilty, guilty!

Here’s my absolute favorite:

Skeptics aren’t skeptical about the demolition-style collapse of the World Trade Center 7 building on September 11, 2001 — a building that was never hit by airplanes. This beautifully-orchestrated collapse of a hardened structure could only have been accomplished with precision explosives… Astonishingly, “skeptics” have little understanding of the laws of physics. Concrete-and-steel buildings don’t magically collapse in a perfect vertical demolition just because of a fire on one floor…

With that Mike, I think you have demonstrate definitively that you are a nut, and that no one should take you seriously. You’ve written far more, but I won’t waste my readers’ time by refuting you point by point. I think they already get the idea. However, I will share the culmination of your rant:

I hope it’s fairly obvious to you by now that skeptics are the most misinformed people on the planet. (emphasis in original)

They are the easiest people to fool. They’re the easiest to hypnotize, too, because they lack independent thinking skills…

Skeptics don’t believe in God or any sort of spiritualism, either. They are almost all athiests. They don’t believe in a higher power of any kind: No God, no spirit, no angels, no guides, no creative force in the universe… nada. They think the universe is a cold, empty, lonely, stupid place full of soulless, mindless, zombie biological bodies who have no free will and no consciousness.

Gee, no wonder these skeptics are so misguided. They have the most pessimistic view possible. No wonder they seek to destroy themselves with chemicals — they don’t even think they’re alive to begin with! Skeptics are bent on self destruction. And they believe that when you die, the lights just go out and you cease to exist. Nothing happens after that. You’re just a mindless biological robot whose life has no meaning, no purpose, no higher self.

This is exactly what the skeptics believe. They’ll even tell you so themselves!

That’s right, Mike. If you define skeptic as someone who believes that fluoridation prevents cavities, chemicals are neither alive nor dead, water is inert, and that the World Trade Center really was hit by planes, then I’m guilty … and proud of it!