Mother of dead baby asks: Why does there have to be so much fear around childbirth?

You can’t make this stuff up. (For those who might be wondering, this is NOT a satire.)

A mother, writing yesterday on an Australian parenting website, had this to say:

I’m 32 weeks pregnant and just found out yesterday that the hospital I wanted to birth at, thought that I WAS birthing at has rejected me “because I don’t fit their birthing criteria”.

This is a BIG deal for me. This is my fourth bub but my first hospital birthing experience. It has taken a long time for me to be “OK” with the idea that this baby won’t be born at home, like my other 3 children…

Why is this mother considered high risk?

After an amazingly simple and straight-forward and glorious first birth, my second daughter “got stuck” (our belief as to why this happened differs from “the experts”… so, apparently, we have no clue and are wrong!! We believe it was the distracted (sic) labour, they believe it was my daughter’s size) and needed some resusitation (sic) when she was born.

That’s not the only problem:

After a very “political” and battle-weary third pregnancy (trying to achieve the kind of birth I knew I needed), something (nobody knows exactly what) went wrong right at the end of the labour and our little boy was born unresponsive and died 2 days later in hospital.

But the birth of the dead baby did have a bright side:

NB. Bub was BIGGER than his sister and DIDN’T get stuck!

Phew! At least she got the birth that SHE needed, even though the baby didn’t get the oxygen he needed.

Just because one of her babies died and the other nearly died at homebirths, the mother can’t understand why doctors are concerned:

Now I know there will be those of you out there going “well, I’d say they have good cause to be concerned by your birthing history”. My point is, WE aren’t!! We don’t look at what has happened and automatically go “oh no! That is going to happen again! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!”

… If WE aren’t “frightened…. why do THEY need to be?? Why can’t we all assume everything is going to go fine and IF something does go pear-shaped, let’s deal with it then. WHY DOES THERE HAVE TO BE SO MUCH FEAR AROUND CHILDBIRTH??

Why can’t we all assume everything is going to go fine and if something does go wrong, we can deal with it then?

Let’s see. I’m wracking my brain and scratching my head at this question.

Not because I don’t know the answer. The answer is painfully, glaringly obvious:

YOU DID THAT THE LAST TWO TIMES AND IT DIDN’T WORK OUT TOO WELL, DID IT?

I’m wracking my brain and scratching my head at the question because it is difficult for me to fathom that after burying a baby, a woman could still be more concerned about HER birth experience than preventing the death of her next baby.

Why does there have to be so much fear around childbirth? If this mother can’t understand, I can’t possibly explain it to her. But I do have one question for her:

How stupid and self absorbed do you have to be to ask these questions after your baby died?

3 Responses to “Mother of dead baby asks: Why does there have to be so much fear around childbirth?”

  1. Somesense
    July 31, 2014 at 3:32 am #

    I know its 3 years since this post, but as this site continues to educate new mothers to be & women in general, I wanted to post an update.
    I notice that the woman in question has subsequently used her birthing as an example to other women considering c-section vs vaginal birth, while conveniently leaving out the part that the baby sadly passed away.
    http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?519549-Large-baby-induced-vaginal-birth-or-caesarean&p=7733642#post7733642

    I couldnt help but sign up to the site just to point that out to prevent other women from being misguided by people like this.

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