A failure from the moment of birth

Finally, a natural childbirth advocate willing to say what she desperately needs to believe really means. In a Facebook thread about women who have had C-sections, “Joni” pulls no punches:

Yes, they have failed at birth. They succeeded at making a baby and hopefully of caring for it, but they did fail the birth. And birth is so important for baby too. You can be scarred for life by it. There are women being persecuted so that all of us can have the birth that we want! There is a woman in Australia who is in trouble just because she wants every woman to have the choice to home birth! All of these people are anti choice for woman! Birth matters. It might matter most of all in life for woman!

Joni is pathetic brave. Joni doesn’t have any real achievements pander to those feeble excuses for women who couldn’t push a baby through their vagina.

But Joni doesn’t go far enough. When it comes to birth, it takes two to tango, and babies should accept their share of the blame. It isn’t just women who have failed by having a C-section; their babies have failed, too, and it’s time to be honest about it.

Babies who are premature? Failures.

Babies who have abruptions? Big failures.

Babies who suffocate and die during labor? The ultimate failures!

Now some of you might be thinking that we shouldn’t blame babies for things that they can’t control. Hello, babies are supposed to know how to be born. If you can’t get the timing right, if you can’t keep your placenta together, if you can’t get enough oxygen during uterine contractions, you obviously didn’t know how to be born.

How about the babies who don’t fit through the mother’s pelvis? Big babies, babies with asynclitic heads, transverse babies? Failures, failures, failures.

But is it really the baby’s fault if it grows bigger than a mother’s pelvis can accommodate? Duh! Everyone knows that a mother’s body won’t grow a baby too big for her to birth; therefore, it must be the baby’s fault.

And let’s be honest here. Some babies aren’t merely failures, they are evil failures. Evil because they gave their mothers pre-eclampsia, or gestational diabetes or even deadly peripartum cardiomyopathy.

It may sound harsh, but it’s true. Just like women are perfectly designed to give birth, babies are perfectly designed to be born through the vagina. If they can’t get with the program and have to come out by C-section, they are failures just like their mothers are failures.

Frankly, if they don’t know how to be born the right way, they don’t deserve to be born at all. We should just let them die and their failed mothers die with them. Because really — when it comes right down to it — the entire purpose of birth to push something through your vagina and if you can’t do that like Joni can, you don’t deserve to live.

10 Responses to “A failure from the moment of birth”

  1. A failure
    March 12, 2014 at 9:54 am #

    Well. Here is the problem. Sarcasm doesnt translate. This is hurtful to the women who go through this stuff. They arent seein sarcasm. They are seeing a hateful post. In an age where people kill unborn babies and throw newborns away, are we supposed to guess when someone really feels hateful towards people? How can you? Wht if rhis isnt sarcasm and is truly what someone believes? And you just wan to believe its sarcastic because “no one can be that cruel”. Yes they can. Have a nice day and i hope no one call you a failure because your miracle child was difficult to bring into the world.

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