The Narcissist Breeder: You can’t be friends with me if you’re friends with her

Remember the cruel behavior of those mean girls from middle school and high school who appointed themselves arbiters of the social universe? It was never enough for them to exclude the girls they didn’t like. Nope, they set out to punish anyone who wouldn’t fall under their sway. The classic mean girl line? “You can’t be friends with me if you’re friends with her.”

Gina Crossly-Corcoran, The Feminist Narcissist Breeder, has just pulled a classic mean girl stunt.

I am very, very sorry that I recommended the StillBirthday site. It has been brought to my attention that some of their “mentors” are former writers for “MamaTao” – the most abusive site I’ve ever come across. I wouldn’t put them within 100 yards of a grieving mother, and I am deeply sorry for posting that link…

Stillbirthday offers support for mothers grieving the loss of a child. It is a relatively new site, but it has quickly become an incredible source of support for loss mothers. I’m not connected to the site in any way, but I do know that the woman who started it, Heidi Faith, is one of the kindest, most selfless women on the internet. There are testimonials to her throughout the blogosphere. For example:

I have become friends with the maker of Stillbirthday, Heidi Faith, and she has been such a blessing and influence in my life. First, through her posts as administrator on a Facebook page called, The Pregnant Christian, which she has now handed over to me and then through various birth pages and groups online that discuss pregnancy, birth choices, safety, and loss. And also, her work on Stillbirthday, as a helpful resource for mothers, has reached me, too. She always tries to understand differences between people. I’ve always felt that I was empathetic to moms who have had such great losses, but I’ve come to see that though I am always sad for the passing of any baby, there were times that I have lost sight of the feelings of some of the moms I have encountered online because of differences in beliefs about things like birth safety and sometimes even just, birth semantics. But all moms deserve love and support and they deserve to be heard.

Or here:

I personally found them about 1 1/2yrs after the loss of my 2nd baby as I was searching on FB for babyloss resources. I am so grateful for this phenomenal exhaustive resource site. Heidi is a Christian Doula and heads this ministry up. She has an amazing love for God and commitment to truth and integrity with every mom or family member she encounters.

What did a sweet, caring, devout woman like Heidi do to warrant the Narcissist Breeder’s ire? Nothing, of course. But in classic mean girl fashion, Gina is trying to punish others through Heidi. Since Heidi is friendly toward everyone in the world, it is inevitable that she is friendly with women who refuse to praise Gina (a veritable maw of approval seeking desperation). If Gina can’t hurt those women, she’ll hurt Heidi instead.

What precipitated this outburst of immaturity? As far as I can determine, it happened because Mama Tao dissed Gina. Mama Tao is the online home of a group of women who satirize the homebirth and natural childbirth community. And if there ever was a target ripe for satirizing, it is the Narcissist Breeder.

Gina’s ire was raised by this piece, An Interview With the ‘Feminist’ Bleater. And since Heidi Faith is friends with some of the people who participate in Mama Tao, and (gasp!) allows those loss mothers among them to support other loss mothers, Heidi must be punished, because, as we know, you can’t be friends with Gina, if you’re friends with anyone Gina doesn’t like.

As Gina explains to Heidi (whose Facebook screen name is Adaleid Faith Doula):

I seriously question the judgment of anyone who would allow absolutely abusive people to “mentor” grieving mothers. I’ve been subjected to their abuse (and CONTINUE) to be to this very day. I’ve had moms come to me crying over their stalking and bullying and attacking. And now you’re letting them “mentor” unsuspecting mothers. I’m horrified. And I stand by my statement. There are much better places to find comfort than from people once dedicated their entire day to abusing others.

Just in case Heidi couldn’t figure it out, it has nothing to do with Stillbirthday; it has nothing to do with loss mothers; it has nothing to do with offering support to those who are grieving. It’s all about (surprise!) Gina. Gina’s been dissed and Heidi and her site are collateral damage as Gina tries to avenge herself on those who satirize her insatiable need for praise. [addendum: Keep in mind that there are no current Stillbirthday mentors among the current writers of Mama Tao.]

In a testament to the incredible work that Heidi does, and to the incredible person that Heidi is, many of Gina’s followers are refusing to kowtow. In fact there are so many who are refusing to kowtow that even after ruthless deletions, there are lots of supporters left. As one commentor explained:

… I just think that it’s a shame to not give people ideas on good resources because you disagree with something someone affiliated in some way believes when it isn’t actually a belief involving the topic at hand.

Sure, Heidi isn’t involved, but that’s irrelevant to Gina. And as we know (let’s say it all together now), you can’t be friends with Gina if you are friends with anyone who is involved with Mama Tao.

I know a secret, though. It really doesn’t matter whether Gina supports Stillbirthday. Everyone else does. I’d like to suggest that in a show of solidarity, anyone who has a blog or website put up a link to Stillbirthday. Let’s boost the popularity of a site that does an amazing job of providing support for an extremely vulnerable group. And let’s show mean girls like Gina that we’ll be friends with whomever we like … and there are very few people more worthy of our friendship than Heidi Faith.

  • CM

    Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate any enthusiastic support of a doula by Dr. Tuteur’s. AND I respect Heidi Faith for starting a bereavement training program for those hoping to serve families experiencing loss as well as healthy birth. Clearly she has guts and compassion. Even so, I advise a thorough review of Stillbirthday.com before registering. I wish I had done that.

    Only after my own frustrating experience, did I start searching reviews of the program to see if others had similarly struggled with getting a refund after requesting a course cancelation (my reasons for this request are explained below). I learned that the Better Business Bureau of Kansas City, MO has given “Stillbirthday University” an ‘F’ rating and that the program has had several complaints filed against it. These complaints (from former students) include allegations of religious bias, culturally incompetent curriculum, failure to communicate on the part of the instructor, refusal to refund and other issues. Read complainst: http://www.bbb.org/kansas-city/business-reviews/birth-centers/stillbirthday-university-in-kansas-city-mo-1000005756/complaints

    I didn’t make it to Heidi’s classroom: Upon registering for her bereavement doula training, I received a receipt from a company called Christian Childbirth Services LLC. This concerned me because I have a strict policy of NOT obtaining training through faith-based or affiliated organizations in order to assure faith neutrality to an extremely diverse client population. I promptly emailed Stillbirthday/Heidi with a simple question: Is Stillbirthday a faith-based or faith-affiliated organization? The founder simply did not to respond to my numerous emailed inquiries.

    Heidi did finally communicate with me through her Paypal-registered business name Christian Childbirth Services — after I finally launched a dispute resolution process to get my money back. In our Paypal discourse she accused me of discrimination and refused a refund two months in advance of a course start-date. I am not anti-religion. I do not discriminate against anyone in my practice. I did not discriminate against Heidi or her company. I simply asked for a refund because she would not answer my question about faith affiliation. So much time and emotion might have been saved had she simply answered my question directly. I’m sure she is a lovely person but her potential student customer service approach is severely lacking.

  • Could you list some here please? Or maybe on Fed Up if you’re more comfortable with that?

  • That’s what made me very wary of the site initially. But I still think that’s no excuse for TFB’s behaviour.

  • Looks like the MamaTao URL has expired.

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