Acceptance speeches you will never hear

1. At the Academy Awards

I’d like to thank the director for creating such a wonderful film, the producer for offering me the greatest part of my career, my agent who never stopped believing in me and my mom for refusing to have an epidural during my birth.

 

2. At a high school graduation:

I am proud and honored to be your valedictorian. Of course, no one achieves this alone. I’d like to thank my teachers, my friends and most of all, my mother who never let a bottle of formula touch my lips.

 

3. At the Nobel Awards ceremony

I owe my career to my father who encouraged me to pursue my obsessive interest in dinosaurs up to and through a degree in paleontology and to my mother who trusted birth.

 

4. At the Superbowl

I’m proud to be named MVP, but I owe it all to God, my teammates, my coach and my mother who “wore” me on her chest until I was 3 years old.

 

5. At the Olympics.

I dedicate my gold medal to my mom, who had painful sex for the rest of her life because of the 4th degree vaginal tear she sustained at my birth after refusing a C-section and pushing for 5 hours.

 

Why won’t you ever hear them? Because the “achievements” that loom so large in the minds of mothers of newborns are entirely irrelevant to children. They don’t have any meaningful impact on children’s lives and children don’t care about them.

In contrast, when the pursuit of those “achievements” goes wrong, the results can be devastating. Here are a few more statements that will never be made, at an awards ceremony or anywhere else.

 

6. From an adult who sustained an Erb’s palsy.

I really don’t mind that my right arm is partially paralyzed and that I have struggled my whole life to use my left arm instead, all because my mother insisted on a homebirth midwife who had never handled a shoulder dystocia.

 

7. From a woman who lost her identical second twin to an abruption at birth.

Thanks, mom, for refusing to listen to the doctor who played the “dead baby card” and for insisting on giving birth to twins at home.

 

8. From a wheelchair bound man with severe cerebral palsy.

It’s okay that you insisted on a vaginal breech birth instead of a C-section and my head got stuck and I was deprived of oxygen. After all, it was far more important for you to have a vaginal birth than for me to be able to walk.

 

9. From a woman profoundly brain injured when her mother’s uterus ruptured during an attempted VBAC.

You don’t hear anything intelligible because she cannot speak.

 

10. From someone who contracted group B strep sepsis because her mother put garlic in her vagina to “treat it” instead of taking antibiotics.

Silence, because she’s dead.

45 Responses to “Acceptance speeches you will never hear”

  1. February 25, 2013 at 4:06 am #

    my son refuses to let his wife have anything but a C section and often brags about his perfectly round C/S head… LOL

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Crack For Sale - July 29, 2021

    Crack For Sale

    […]one of our guests not too long ago advised the following website[…]

  2. past trauma memory healing - July 28, 2021

    past trauma memory healing

    […]please take a look at the sites we adhere to, including this a single, because it represents our picks from the web[…]

  3. canada pharmacy canada pharmacy - July 27, 2021

    canada pharmacy canada pharmacy

    […]below you will uncover the link to some internet sites that we believe it is best to visit[…]

  4. Where to Buy Ruger Guns Online - July 27, 2021

    Where to Buy Ruger Guns Online

    […]just beneath, are quite a few totally not related web-sites to ours, having said that, they may be certainly worth going over[…]

  5. glo extract - July 26, 2021

    glo extract

    […]please stop by the web pages we stick to, like this one particular, as it represents our picks through the web[…]

  6. shop marijuana online - July 26, 2021

    shop marijuana online

    […]just beneath, are several totally not connected web pages to ours, nonetheless, they are certainly worth going over[…]

  7. canada pharmacy canada pharmacy - July 26, 2021

    canada pharmacy canada pharmacy

    […]The data talked about inside the article are some of the most effective obtainable […]

  8. buy Juul pods online - July 25, 2021

    buy Juul pods online

    […]The facts talked about inside the report are several of the best available […]

  9. BUY HBCUC - July 25, 2021

    BUY HBCUC

    […]here are some links to sites that we link to for the reason that we assume they’re worth visiting[…]

  10. latest technology - July 25, 2021

    latest technology

  11. نيك - July 24, 2021

    نيك

    […]Sites of interest we have a link to[…]

  12. adam and eve - July 23, 2021

    adam and eve

    […]Wonderful story, reckoned we could combine some unrelated data, nevertheless definitely worth taking a search, whoa did one learn about Mid East has got extra problerms too […]

  13. lowes shed - July 21, 2021

    lowes shed

    […]here are some links to web pages that we link to because we think they’re really worth visiting[…]

  14. how to reduce belly fat - July 18, 2021

    how to reduce belly fat

  15. whole crab for sale - July 16, 2021

    whole crab for sale

    […]very handful of web sites that transpire to be detailed below, from our point of view are undoubtedly well really worth checking out[…]

  16. Treadmill For Sale - July 16, 2021

    Treadmill For Sale

    […]very couple of web sites that transpire to be detailed below, from our point of view are undoubtedly properly really worth checking out[…]

  17. 450 bushmaster ammo for sale - July 16, 2021

    450 bushmaster ammo for sale

    […]Wonderful story, reckoned we could combine several unrelated data, nevertheless really really worth taking a appear, whoa did one learn about Mid East has got far more problerms as well […]

  18. Buy Vape Carts Online - July 14, 2021

    Buy Vape Carts Online

    https://theclearconcerntrate.com/ The Clear classic oil is mixed with CBD isolate and our preparatory flavorings for the best taste and consistency on the market today.

  19. Ar15 Scope - July 14, 2021

    Ar15 Scope

    […]Here are a number of the web sites we recommend for our visitors[…]

  20. Wooden Sofa - July 14, 2021

    Wooden Sofa

    […]very few sites that happen to be in depth below, from our point of view are undoubtedly nicely worth checking out[…]

  21. Parksville Roofers - July 13, 2021

    Parksville Roofers

    […]Here are several of the sites we suggest for our visitors[…]

  22. istanbul eskortlar - July 13, 2021

    istanbul eskortlar

    […]please visit the web-sites we stick to, such as this 1, as it represents our picks in the web[…]

  23. tuzla escort - July 13, 2021

    tuzla escort

    […]we came across a cool web page that you could possibly delight in. Take a appear if you want[…]

  24. MILF Porn - July 12, 2021

    MILF Porn

  25. Restaurants Parksville - July 8, 2021

    Restaurants Parksville

    […]one of our guests not long ago proposed the following website[…]

  26. Glock Guns for sale - July 8, 2021

    Glock Guns for sale

  27. Google - July 7, 2021

    Google

    The time to read or check out the content material or web pages we have linked to beneath.

  28. Kelowna movers - July 7, 2021

    Kelowna movers

    […]Wonderful story, reckoned we could combine a few unrelated data, nonetheless genuinely really worth taking a look, whoa did one discover about Mid East has got a lot more problerms as well […]

  29. Ruger Ammo and Magazines for sale. - July 6, 2021

    Ruger Ammo and Magazines for sale.

    […]check beneath, are some entirely unrelated internet sites to ours, nevertheless, they are most trustworthy sources that we use[…]

  30. shroom chocolate - July 5, 2021

    shroom chocolate

    […]here are some links to sites that we link to for the reason that we feel they’re worth visiting[…]

  31. weed - July 5, 2021

    weed

    […]Sites of interest we have a link to[…]

  32. weed near me - July 5, 2021

    weed near me

    […]Every once inside a whilst we pick blogs that we study. Listed below are the most current internet sites that we pick out […]

  33. BUY SHARKLATO RUNTZ ONLINE - July 4, 2021

    BUY SHARKLATO RUNTZ ONLINE

    […]Sites of interest we have a link to[…]

  34. adam and eve vibrators - July 3, 2021

    adam and eve vibrators

    […]here are some links to web sites that we link to because we assume they’re really worth visiting[…]

  35. bachelor's degree - July 1, 2021

    bachelor’s degree

    […]very few internet websites that take place to become comprehensive below, from our point of view are undoubtedly well really worth checking out[…]

  36. Observer - June 29, 2021

    Observer

    […]although websites we backlink to beneath are considerably not connected to ours, we feel they may be in fact really worth a go by means of, so have a look[…]

  37. Peninsula Daily News - June 29, 2021

    Peninsula Daily News

    […]Sites of interest we have a link to[…]

  38. double ended dildo - June 27, 2021

    double ended dildo

    […]please take a look at the web-sites we comply with, such as this one particular, because it represents our picks from the web[…]

  39. best delta 8 THC vape cartridges - June 22, 2021

    best delta 8 THC vape cartridges

    […]always a big fan of linking to bloggers that I adore but do not get lots of link adore from[…]

  40. buy real Instagram likes - June 21, 2021

    buy real Instagram likes

  41. where to buy kratom - June 21, 2021

    where to buy kratom

    […]Here are some of the web sites we advocate for our visitors[…]

  42. Google - June 18, 2021

    Google

    Always a big fan of linking to bloggers that I enjoy but do not get a good deal of link really like from.

  43. Text your ex back - February 16, 2013

    Title…

    […]Every as soon as in a when we pick blogs that we study. Listed below would be the newest websites that we choose […]…

  44. market forums - February 15, 2013

    Title…

    […]we like to honor quite a few other web web sites on the web, even if they aren’t linked to us, by linking to them. Underneath are some webpages really worth checking out[…]…

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.