Homebirth midwife: “I’ll be honest, I’m not really into the baby.”

Astonished baby

Over the years I’ve written many damning things about homebirth midwives, but nothing as damning as what they write about themselves. My central contention about American homebirth midwives (CPMs) is that they are under educated, undertrained hobbyists who care more about their experience than whether the baby and mother are injured or die. Along comes Birth Junkie to corroborate my claims.

On her Tumblr blog, she actually writes, with apparently no insight at all:

I’ll be honest, I’m not really into the baby… It is the process, the journey and watching a mom did [sic] deep into the depths of her soul that touches my tears …

She’s not really into the baby. Duh! That’s practically part of the definition of a homebirth midwife, a woman who attends births for the experience … her own experience that is. The baby, as in most homebirths, is just a bit player.

Of course we already knew that when she labeled herself Birth Junkie.

What is a birth junkie and why is she obsessed with other women’s births?

Many if not most homebirth midwives, doulas and, sanctimommies are quick to tell everyone that they are “birth junkies.” They consider it a boast, but in reality, it is evidence of serious shortcomings…

Being obsessed with birth, one’s own births and the births of others, is pathological. And being a birth junkie has nothing to do with birth, with babies and certainly has nothing to do with helping other mothers. The women who are birth junkies suffer from a crippling lack of self-esteem. Their only “achievement” is the faux achievement of having an unmedicated, and preferably an outlandish, birth…

Homebirth midwives are just birth junkies who took it a step further…

Most have no interest in a real midwifery program because being a birth junkie is not about birth and has nothing to do with preventing and managing complications. It’s all about them and their constant need for validation…

Birth Junkie elaborates:

I’m a Home Birth Midwife who loves the journey. Sometimes, I love the journey a wee bit more than the destination, even when it brings me to my whits ends and onto my knees. And when I hit a destination where the light shines in just the right way… and the clouds part in that perfect place… Its the same feeling I get when a baby is being born – a feeling of balance. the ‘both and’. all the parts becoming whole – Its like great art. I get this strong feeling inside that there is undeniably something bigger than me creating… and then ahhhh… my heart opens up, my tears are touched and I settle. I settle warm and safe into my body, with a huge shit eating grin on my face.

I, I, me, me. Nothing about babies or mothers because they are like needles and tourniquets to a real junkie: nothing more than props required to deliver the fix.

Birth Junkie helpfully counsels others:

You don’t need ANY of my degrees to become a home birth midwife. If you are in America, you can become a Certified Professional Midwife (CPM) the way I did it and learn everything you need to know in your hands on training…

In other words, you don’t need to know ANYTHING to become a homebirth midwife.

In addition to self-absorption and ignorance, it helps to fetishize the placenta by eating it, making art from it and encapsulating it. Don’t miss Birth Junkie’s post about placenta prints to view this inanity in all its glory.

Birth Junkie’s entire website is an exposition of birth porn. The better part of the last two centuries have been spent attempting to convince men that women are more than two breasts and a vagina, but Birth Junkie’s blog is decorated with pictures that reduce women to nothing more than breasts, vagina and a pregnant abdomen. Interestingly, there are precious few picture of babies, but I suppose that’s because she’s not really into the baby; she’s into her “journey.”

To anyone thinking about a homebirth, ask yourself this:

Are you into the baby?

If so, why would you hire an undereducated, undertrained, self-proclaimed “midwife” who wants to attend your birth to get her fix, not to make sure that you and your baby are safe?

Homebirth midwives are clowns, not health care professionals. Health care professionals have an ethical obligation to put your welfare and the welfare of your baby ahead of their personal needs.

I understand that a homebirth midwife bolsters many women’s fragile self-esteem by praising her as strong and “educated,” but is anyone’s self esteem so fragile that it is worth risking her baby’s life to get meaningless “you go, mamas” from a stranger who thinks your baby’s birth is all about her?