Extreme homebirth

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Poor homebirth advocates!

It’s getting harder and harder to fill their narcissistic need for attention by having a homebirth. Merely boasting to friends and family is certainly not enough.

Live blogging and live tweeting the birth? Ho hum, it’s been done.

Live video transmission? Yawn.

No medical attendants? That’s so 2012!

In order to get attention and stand out from the rest of the narcissitic crazies, you have to be far more creative than ever before.

At a minimum, you have to give birth outside,surrounded by nature, like this.

First you assemble your midwife, doula, and birth photographer (most vital member of the team). Then you quickly run outside to the pool when you are fully dilated and pushing. Finally, you are in the inflatable kiddie pool just like the one used by a prehistoric foremothers. That should make them sit up and take notice.

But let’s face it, outside homebirth has been done a million times.

If you really want attention, you need to change the venue. Any narcissist can give birth in her own backyard. It takes a special narcissist to give birth in the rainforest, like this:

Simone gave birth on a yoga mat with a video camera focused on her vagina, just like thousands of generations before her.

Of course, anyone can give birth in a rain forest. To truly experience birth as Mother Nature intended, you have to give birth along side exotic animals, like these clowns are planning.

Last month, Adam Barringer, 29, and his pregnant wife Heather, 27, boarded a plane for Hawaii. The couple traveled over 4,500 miles in the hopes of welcoming baby Bodhi into the world during a dolphin-assisted birth in Pohoa, Hawaii.

Why?

Traveling and living in harmony with the earth is a way of life for this couple.

It’s hard to imagine how you are living “in harmony with the earth” if your massive carbon footprint includes an 11 hour plane flight to Hawaii. Oops, bet they didn’t think about the fact that living in harmony with the earth would involve staying home.

But consider the benefits:

At the institute, the couple will spend time in the water, forming a connection with a dolphin pod they hope will bond with them and ultimately their newborn.

“It is about reconnecting as humans with the dolphins so we can coexist in this world together and learn from one another,” says Heather.

The couple hopes to find this connection during prenatal and postnatal swims with the dolphins.

Because women from Siberia to Nigeria and everywhere in between have bonded with dolphins as preparation for birth, right?

Frankly, I’m unimpressed. These people are wimps.

Anyone can give birth in their backyard on a sunny day or a clear evening. How about giving birth in your backyard during a tornado? I’d watch that.

Anyone can give birth in mild climate like a rainforest. How about giving birth on the summit of Mount Everest? I’d watch that.

Anyone can give birth with measly dolphins, but what about the king of beasts? How about giving birth in a lion’s den? I wouldn’t watch that, but only because the baby or the mother or both would end up as cat food.

Extreme homebirth poses a real problem for me, though. It means that it is getting increasingly difficult for me to parody homebirth advocates because they are so busy parodying themselves.

There is nothing so ludicrous that homebirth advocates can’t dress up as “natural” in effort to fill their desperate need for attention.

  • Jane Ellen Brooks Smith

    Thank you stating what should be obvious! I read these stories and think these young women must be having their first babies because I’ve given birth three times and each time I couldn’t wait to get to the hospital where I could relax and know that someone would be there to take care of me and my child. Somebody should be shouting “It hurts like hell having a baby!” You can do it, but it’s going to hurt. I’m anti-repeat unnecessary cesareans because I had one then two vaginals. My doctors wouldn’t even consider the second two to be C’s because there was no medical necessity. And I’m for minimal medication, but use it as it’s needed. Giving birth can prove to a woman what she’s made of.

  • Deborah

    There are many variations you could add to this theme – think birth in the International Space Station – the baby floating out into weightlessness. Or, birth in one of those deep sea mini submarines while perusing the wreck of the Titanic.
    Here’s one I bet no one has dared to try – birth in a war zone……..oh wait ……that’s happening right this moment in Syria and other parts of the world.
    Courage, bravery, strength? Those women get my vote.

  • schnitzelbank

    Any updates on the dolphin couple?

  • take7steps

    Dolphins are extremely aggressive and dangerous. What the hell is wrong with these people? Dolphins rape around 14 humans a year and are known for their “rape caves” where they have dragged dummies, as well as actual people, after raping them. The bodies and dummies were never recovered. A great summation with references: http://www.aardvarknyc.com/about/dolphins-rape-people/

    SMH

  • finallyadefenseofsanity

    I love your blog. I’m not even sure what I’m doing reading it, but it’s awesome. My first was born via CS after I failed to progress, went retro, and ran a fever which caused out of range spikes in my baby’s heartrate. It was a blessing because: 1) the baby was found turned oblique in my uterus. Pushing could have resulted in distocia or worse and 2) I tested positive in my second pregnancy for strep (guess it got missed the first time around). I’m extremely grateful for my OB and hospital, especially since he saved my life from a PPH (atony) in my second CS. Thanks for providing this valuable perspective, and well sourced, and intelligent viewpoints. I get get so sick of defending my “bad birth experience” but I’d take a CS anyday over seeing one of my babies suffer so I could brag about my natural birth at dinner parties.”

  • sick of birth morons

    what self indulgent fuckwits. Seriously that daintree birth made me absolutely furious. This white woman, comes onto sacred daintree country to birth. I wonder if she received permission from the kuku yalanji people? Probably didnt enter her head, such is the arrogance and self indulgance. Pity she didnt end up with daintree ulcer http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/features/what-lurks-within/story-e6frg8h6-1226511523886

  • Annie

    And I wonder if those clowns even realize, for all their crunchy obnoxiousness, the inherent cruelty of dolphin captivity. But hey, as long as they’re there for their amusement- I mean, “totally natural” birthing experience it’s different, right?

    I call bullshit. If you’re going to have a hippie dippy dolphin birth, do it in the fucking ocean with actual wild dolphins. I’m sure it’ll be just adorable when they eat the placenta and play tetherball with the baby.

  • Annie

    Nothing like one’s first gasping breaths outside the womb being whilst submerged in tepid saltwater full of dolphin crap.

  • Heat

    Dolphins aren’t as cute and cuddly as everyone thinks they are!

    http://deepseanews.com/2013/02/10-reasons-why-dolphins-are-aholes/

  • R T

    Giving birth with dolphins sooo over done! Very unoriginal heres a video of a dolphin assisted birth http://youtu.be/Vo8HDC6bJyc

    I love the name Bohdi though! It’s adorable! He can go by Beau when he’s older!

    • take7steps

      I didn’t see your comment but I said the same above. Are these people too stupid to google?

  • Mom o’ lots

    Anybody hear “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me” on NPR today? The dolphin-assisted childbirth thing was targeted in one of their segments. The panel was absolutely incredulous at the stupidity of it and made some pretty hilarious comments. Underneath it all, though, is the sadness that anyone could subject their baby to such risks.

  • Canadian Birther

    After dolphin birth comes Beaver Birth! in the wilds of Canada you can have your birth with

    murky ponds to give birth in
    unlimited mosquitos
    bears
    pointy sticks and undergrowth
    the Wendigo
    real maple syrup to massage your taint

    All with your own personal beaver. It was once thought that 65% of Canadian births were beaver assisted, but further research shows that 100% are beaver assisted. Bringing your own tent is recommended.

    • I thought all vaginal births were, by definition, ‘beaver’ births.

      • Canadian Birther

        Well, even non-vaginal births are beaver assisted, even if you get pregnant through IVF.

      • Annie

        ZING!

  • Squillo

    I told my husband about the dolphin birth. He made a face and said, “They probably have no idea what’s in the water there.” (He recently settled a case with a multi-million dollar penalty in which Bad People were dumping toxic waste into the ocean.)

  • ratiomom

    That rainforest video!!! Knowing how remote the Daintree area is makes the video all the more insane. This is truly extreme stuntbirth. There is only one access road which runs via a ferry and is subject to regular floods. If anything went wrong she`d have to be airlifted out, and I mean winched as there are no helipads to my knowledge. The heli would probably have to fly in from Cairns. Neither of them had a ghost of a chance of survival if even the slightest thing had gone wrong.

    • Gene

      Wait, that’s DAINTREE? Are they insane? Do they know how many saltwater crocodiles are in that area??? No idea how close they are to brackish water, but still. WTF???

      • KarenJJ

        Well at least there isn’t malaria.. But isn’t there Ross River virus up there?

        Is it close to salt water crocs? I’ve been to Cairns and you could still swim at the beaches there.

        • Sue

          Lots of hippies though

        • Klain

          I don’t know about crocs but there’s the odd cassowary around which can attack people.

      • LukesCook

        Ha, when I read “rainforest” my first thought was of the Congo. When I looked up Daintree I was unimpressed, it looked a bit resortish – lots of ads for campsites, holiday accommodation etc. Obviously appearances can be deceptive.

    • But if you trust birth and are in tune with nature, nothing can go wrong!

      I am not sure there is much point in attacking stunt birth. These people have clearly very little contact with reality and exist to shock and amaze, or something. Might just as well attempt to reason with people who think they are Napoleon.

      It is the normalizing of bizarre beliefs that is the problem. The woman in The Guardian video had every reason to rail against what happened to her, and was a very sympathetic and “normal” woman – but there was still an underlying current that her grief and disbelief had been compounded by buying into an unhelpful set of beliefs – that this was not the way birth “ought” to be. She had wanted a lovely homebirth. She didn’t appear to know much about the risks of post-dates, knew nothing about forceps – because if you trust birth and your body, you do not need to trouble yourself with such things. On her telling, the hospital did make a complete mess of things – but her sense of control and entitlement did still add to her betrayal. Don’t know what you do with the fact that idiot stunt birthers sometimes appear to fare better. But this discourse of hospitals:bad, trusting birth:good doesn’t really do anybody any favours, and it is the more moderate, sensible seeming illusions that are the real problem.

      • Karen in SC

        “The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.”


        Winston Churchill

        • But this isn’t a case of fools being right, is it? It is that fools may not be confronted with just (or likely) consequences of their foolishness, and can then claim to be wise – and better informed than the rest of us.

  • Oh noes, my eyes!

    i am sorry, but i literally could not believe my eyes when i watched the rainforest video. That is just effin’ sick. And now i will never be able to unsee it.

  • MumaD

    “What, you had no birth attendant? That’s just irresponsible man, my midwife was a dolphin – a lady dolphin!” Truly fucking ridiculous, i would laugh hard if there wasn’t a baby involved.

  • Yelsel

    Be careful about suggesting people give birth on the summit of Everest. Many amateur bucket list climbers have a similar mindset to these homebirth types. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone attempted something almost as crazy as that.

  • Sue

    I love the juxtaposition of “natural” with digital photography and posting on the net. Nice balance.

    (Why can’t these people just do stuff quietly for their own sake and not have to show the world? Wait – it’s for the baby, isn’t it?)

  • realityycheque

    “It’s hard to imagine how you are living “in harmony with the earth” if
    your massive carbon footprint includes an 11 hour plane flight to
    Hawaii.” LOL!!!

  • Charlotte

    There were tornado outbreaks when I had my two kids. The second time around the lights cut out at the hospital and they had had everyone move into interior hallways.

    • Anj Fabian

      Now only if you have thought to bring a camera crew…..!

    • ersmom

      A few years back, we had a tornado touch down in town – we moved everyone into interior hallways. I delivered a baby during this. Not the best situation.

  • Don’t say the Everest thing too loudly. These days, the guiding-industrial complex can haul almost anyone up that mountain on fixed lines. A 90-year-old dude did it last week. I guarantee, someone will take you up on that dare.

    • Squillo

      He was 80, but yeah. According to Krakauer’s book, they’ll also haul your espresso machine up there.

      • Sue

        Ture – I heard last night that i’s now fashionable to be the “first” (insert name of disability or condition here) to “conquer Everest”>

        (I wonder if there is a “first to carry own stuff, without Sherpa”)

        • Sue

          (I meant “Sure” – not “ture”)

  • Ripley_rules

    Seeing a beautiful clear stream being polluted by amniotic fluid, blood, urine, placental tissue and feces is just disgusting. And don’t these people realize that not everyone views graphic childbirth videos with pure intentions? Just sayin’.

  • Bombshellrisa

    I guess she doesn’t realize that most hospitals have great tvs and stereo systems as part of their birthing suites (not usually for patient rooms in the rest of the hospital) and you can play any nature sound cd (or app on your Ipad/Iphone) and go away in your head and PRETEND you are in the rain forest all while enjoying the lovely epidural.

    • The Computer Ate My Nym

      And without “enjoying” the mosquitoes inevitable in a rain forest.

  • Rochester mama

    I’d like to see them give birth in Minnesota in the winter outdoors.

    • kate

      Fellow MN mama here, I gave birth to 2 of my kids during a snowstorm….in a hospital! That is a good point… how do you give birth in nature when it’s below zero and your due date is approaching? Just tough it out and get a bit of frostbite on your newborn?!!

      • Rochester mama

        Maybe in a dug out sod house Little House on the Prairie style.

        • Dr Kitty

          Which, I’m going to guess you heat with a solid fuel furnace (dried cow manure from your organic raw milk herd being the fuel of choice).

          Sadly, as a hipster birth goddess your knowledge of engineering is less than your knowledge of anatomy, so you fail to vent the furnace properly, and then you all suffer carbon monoxide poisoning.

      • Antigonos CNM

        Skin to skin will prevent hyperthermia, doncha know? Especially with huskies all around. Never heard of a “three dog night”?

    • The Computer Ate My Nym

      On a frozen lake in the Boundrywaters area that was accessed by dogsled. The dogs can keep the baby warm and eat the placenta. Hopefully, they won’t go for vice versa.

  • BeatlesFan

    Every time I read something about this, I think of this poster:

    • At least the days of the six-pool are mostly over.*

      *Yes, I am that nerdy. For all the more normal-ish people out there, this is a reference to Starcraft, a real-time strategy game. There’s three races you can play, one being the Zerg. Zergling rush was a strategy where you built up really early, really cheap units called zerglings and rushed at your opponent before they had adequate defenses, winning the game early. “Kek” is the Korean version of “lol”; Starcraft is very popular in South Korea and the vast majority of the top pro gamers live there.

  • Lisa Miller

    She is doing to get eaten or dolphin raped. Yikes.

    • stacey m

      Like Hank Hill on King of the Hill!

  • HolyWowBatman

    We are discussing birthing with a huge (multi-hundred pound) wild predator, right? In open sea, which presumably also is home to an even more vicious predator, sharks? I have two well-trained, friendly Siberian husky at home…but I’d never leave my preschooler alone with them. I’ve seen what they do to the hapless bunnies, birds and raccoons that end up in our yard. No matter how domesticated, all animals are still wild.

    • Jocelyn

      I know, I just keep thinking about all that blood from the birth. Sharks will be drawn to that like nobody’s business.

      • Lisa from NY

        Some people just aren’t meant to live.

  • I think these blow-holes saw it on the Penn & Teller episode (where another couple was talking about doing it) and decided it was a great way to garner massive attention. If they are stupid enough to go through with it, I feel bad for their child.

    • PollyPocket

      I thought the same thing!

      They interviewed the dolphin doula, or whatever the heck she called herself, and then at the end asked how many dolphin births they had ever done…zero.

    • Oh and now I youtubed (is that a verb now?) Penn and Teller and now I am addicted. They’re hilarious!

    • Guest Nurse
      • Lisa from NY

        Forward to 14:32 minutes and then to 21:01 minutes to see discussion about dolphin water birth.

  • Isilzha

    I’m going to start promoting the all new hyena birth. Just a bit of surgery beforehand and you too can give birth like your all natural hyena sisters!

    • Oh my god, that’s dark. Hilarious, but dark.

    • Sue

      Saves worrying about what to do with the placenta…

      • Isilzha

        Hyena birth is pretty gruesome. The birth canal goes through the clitoris. It’s very narrow and, of course, rips during birth. This can be fatal and hyenas have a pretty high death rate, especially for first births. Hey, but it’s 100% natural!

        http://www.livescience.com/699-painful-realities-hyena-sex.html

        • Sue

          YEEEEOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!

  • Are you nuts

    I keep thinking it will come out that this story is fake, like it should have been in The Onion or something. It is simply too bizarre/stupid to be true!!!

  • Jocelyn

    Hey everyone, OT, but I’ve gotten into a debate about the safety of homebirth on the Sanctimommy facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Sanctimommy/523533471000365) and I’d appreciate some back up. The post that the debate’s on is from May 21.

    • Rachel

      But Sanctimommy is all about making fun of people who think they’re better than everyone else, not about actual debating :/

      • Jocelyn

        Yeah, but I feel like I have to step in when *we’re* the group that Sanctimommmy is making fun of, implying that home birth is safe and that we’re all buffoons for thinking otherwise (and for encouraging people to give birth in the hospital).

  • Bombshellrisa

    Why, oh why must there always be a naked child as part of the birth video?

    • Antigonos CNM

      Well, clothing is REALLY unnatural, if you think about it.

  • Squillo

    This, right here, is proof that if there is a Creator, he/she has a really sick sense of humor.

  • I don’t have a creative name

    I wonder if any of these women will ever have an attack of self awareness and realize how incredibly stupid they seem and will be horrified that OMGZ I HAS A PICTURE OF MY VAJAYJAY ON LINE.

    I doubt it. That wilderness one is particularly stupid, and she doesn’t seem to give a crap about the unbelievable amount of bacteria she is exposing her newborn to. All that matters to her is getting cred from the MDC types.

    • And you just know that they are all the raging anti-porn type. Showing your ladybits is perfectly acceptable as long as it’s linked to what your ladybits are “intended” for-childbirth and breastfeeding.

      • *Snort* I almost sprayed tea at my monitor. Well-played.

    • renee

      You cannot even drink that water! Why you would put your vulva in it while birthing is beyond me.

      • schnitzelbank

        The new protocol for GBS+
        Hibiclens
        Garlic
        Fetid Pond Water

  • The Computer Ate My Nym

    Well, since dolphins have already been done, perhaps next time I have a baby* I’ll take your picture for real and have it surrounded by lions. After all, lions are pack animals with a strong tradition of caring for their young. What could possibly go wrong?
    *Just to note, that time would be “never” given my age and health. And I hope I don’t have to say that this comment is satire, but all things considered, maybe I should.

  • ol

    Have you ever heard of Charkovsky Igor? ” Igor Charkovsky, the Russian male midwife, is known for helping pregnant
    women give birth underwater in the Black Sea ‘aided’ by dolphins.
    ‘Dolphins have an affinity with the baby in the womb and are
    automatically attracted to pregnant women. They sense when a woman is
    about to give birth and gather round. They give both the mother and
    child a sense of protection and safety,’ says Charkovsky.
    ‘Dolphins sense when a woman is about to give birth and
    gather round. They give both the mother and child a sense of protection
    and safety’
    ‘Sometimes when the baby is born the dolphins muzzle it to the surface to help it breath.’
    Charkovsky began to experiment with dolphins and children in 1979 at a dolphin research station.” lots of photos http://www.theshiftofconsciousness.info/dolphin.html#Charkovskys_Underwater_Births_and_Baby

    • Poogles

      “‘Dolphins sense when a woman is about to give birth and
      gather round […] ‘Sometimes when the baby is born the dolphins muzzle it”

      Is it just me, or does it sound like the dolphins are probably thinking “Hey! Lunch!”

    • trashbreakfast

      Holy crap, are you kidding me?

      • ol

        No, I’m serious. Waterbirth in Russia/Soviet Union began from him in 1980s and it was with baby “dynamic” gymnastics or acrobatics and sealing (bathing in icy water) and diving (there is a special Russian word) – it means not just plunge into water but for a long time.

      • ol
        • Lisa from NY

          Regarding the link from aolnews to woman swinging 2-week-old baby over her head and upside down, will the baby be brain-damaged?

          • desiree

            No, I’ve read about this before too. The babies are all geniuses when they’re Black Sea dolphin born, so brain damage isn’t a concern.

          • ol

            There are some cultural differences in NCB movement in our countries, in
            this (American) blog there are many records of insurance, golf,
            money-loving doctors, transfers, brain damage. But in Russia doctors are
            not wealthy, they are just sadistic and totalitarian, we have much more
            unassisted birthes, more extremes. 5-7 years ago this practice (“you
            should do something to make your child better”, “oxygen deprivation
            during diving is a good stress and the organism begins to fight with the
            disease”) was widely discussed, I remember three arguments against
            ice-bathing and baby-diving and acrobatics – these genius adults aren’t
            found, orthopaedists and neurologs say that this acrobatics are bad for
            joints, icy-bathing may lead to chronic diseases, and diving may
            influence on bonding – when your mother or father ‘slightly’ drawns you
            regularly or just see and don’t help when it is done by another
            person… Now this practice loses it’s popularity, there are other
            homebirth group and gurus without such extremes, that are considered
            more mild and progressive.

        • trashbreakfast

          I had heard of that baby yoga woman but didn’t know anything about the movement. Interesting.

          Was anyone else disturbed by the dolphin porn, or was that just me?

  • Dr Kitty

    It is like all those people who get married underwater, or while sky diving, or in a joint wedding with their dogs or whatever.

    I don’t think “oh wow, their love is so strong, their marriage is bound to be so amazing!” I think “oh wow, attention seek much?” and reflect on my own very happy marriage and very traditional wedding ceremony. I’m really glad my husband isn’t the kind of man who wanted to get married while abseiling down a building or something.

    • staceyjw

      I don’t think that at all, I think that people that have weddings like that are either celebrating something they both enjoy or just don’t like dull weddings. If I wanted to marry my partner, I would want to do something cool, becasue its not like we can afford to have a weeding and then do something fun.

      Not the same.

      • KarenJJ

        At least they’re not hurting anyone else and seem to be having fun. I don’t begrudge them that.

  • Limp blue baby emerging into bacteria-laden water. Look at the flies perching on its head.

  • NOT SAFE FOR LUNCH.

  • KumquatWriter

    Finally, a good post for this – can you tell I just love Penn & Teller, especially Bullshit? 😀

    http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=UiPprH7tEi8&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DUiPprH7tEi8

    • Eddie

      I’ve talked to teens who believe in another target of Penn & Teller’s ire … Criss Angel. I’ve talked to teens who believe that this guy actually has magic powers, can walk up the side of a building magically, etc. Fundamental logic fail. “But he says there are no tricks.” “Is it possible that he’s lying?” “No.”

      Penn & Teller have strong words about that guy.

      • BeatlesFan

        Totally OT, but does Teller talk now?

        • Eddie

          LOL, I assume that Penn speaks for Teller, but we may never know. Aren’t they telepathic like dolphins?

          • BeatlesFan

            Telepathy or not, I’d rather have them at my birth than the dolphins!

          • FormerPhysicist

            Definitely, as rabid skeptics, they’d call the doctors if anything went wrong. Possibly two or three to be sure that the first wasn’t out there in woo-land.

        • Certified Hamster Midwife

          He’s never talked in their act or on their shows, but he did do a commentary on NPR years and years ago that caught me by surprise. At least they said it was him.

      • JMacG

        I was in Vegas in February and it seems EVERYONE hates Criss Angel!

        • Stacey

          I love Criss Angel. Its suppose to look like magic! I think he is cool. And totally sexy too.

          • KarenJJ

            heh. I have a relative’s partner that thinks he must be an alien. She also believes that vaccines cause autism.

  • kate

    And this is another comment on the second video:

    “you are a better woman than I am. I had to have 2 C-section with my son now 20 , and daughter 16. My body just didn’t dialate and both times stopped at 6 cent. But I have 2 of the greatest kids a mother could ask for I’m so proud of how both are growing up and making mature desisions in there lives”

    You are a better WOMAN than I am…? Why because she had a nutural birth?! But don’t worry folks, even though this woman couldn’t have an ideal nutty birth, the kids still turned out okay!! Shocking!

    • I don’t have a creative name

      That’s what these nutters WANT people to think… that they are just a tad bit better, because they eschewed any chance of there being medical care if their child needed it. That’s what this is all about. Too bad this woman fed into it.

    • stacey

      “You are a better woman than I” sounds like the PNW version of “Bless your heart!”…. I am pretty sure that is exactly what she meant.

    • Sue

      I prefer “your cervix dilated better than mine, but my brain works better”

  • Eskimo

    You have to read the first comment to the article about the couple giving birth with dolphins. Apparently there are sharks in the water there, an active lava flow, strong undertow and the beach is very steep and rocky.

    WTF.

    • kate

      0.o the stupid is overwhelming.

      I have four children and embarrassingly enough spent my time on the nature nut train (first three birth declined epidural, it was traumatic, fourth birth had the most magical epidural birth)…but seriously now that I have REAL education (nursing student) on the matter and not “real” internet/indoctrination/propaganda education about childbirth, I am glad I never let it affect my children’s life negatively.

      This is like a sick competition to win an award for most stupid.

    • EmbraceYourInnerCrone

      Forget the sharks, do these people not realize that dolphins are predators, carnivores actually. I really hate when people anthropomorphise animals. Wild animals and especially wild animals in captivity can and do kill people, and wild dolphins have been known to kill harbor young porpoises, though no one is exactly sure yet why.

      http://www.scotsman.com/news/environment/marine-expert-tells-of-moray-firth-dolphin-attack-1-2947735

  • kate

    on the second video…this is what the mom say regarding her choice of stream birth and possible bacteria in the water:

    “I chose a clean body of water but I don’t hold a fear of bacteria and haven’t been indoctrinated with anti-bacterial messages marketing to sell products. I enjoy very good health.”

    😕

    • Karen in SC

      then she contaminated it with blood products!

      • Bomb

        Yeah, talk about selfish narcissist! Maybe it’s because we worked at REI and were brainwashed, but contaminating lakes/rivers/streams is a BIG no no. You don’t even wash your camp dishes off in the water sans soap. You bring water AWAY from the natural body and wash the dishes there. I would be incapable of not showing disgust at this woman if I met her IRL and she was bragging about this crap.

        • Sue

          Can she be prosecuted for contaminating a natural water course with potentially infective body fluids?

    • GuestB

      And, you’re a moron.

    • Eddie

      This reminds me of the couple that was killed by a bear in Alaska after saying that Alaskan Brown Bears were harmless. One’s believe does not influence nature in the slightest. “I don’t hold a fear of bacteria” doesn’t stop you from getting ill from them.

      http://www.citizenreviewonline.org/oct_2003/california.htm

      • Victoria

        Reading the second part of that where Stringham talks about how Treadwell was less foolhardy than he appeared – that he actually knew there was danger makes me wonder about another type of homebirther – the rush taker; the one who knows they are facing odds against them but gets a rush out of beating them. Like an adrenaline junkie who heli-skis powder in an avalanche zone. Just a thought.

        • This line of thought, from an admirer, was familiar. He:

          “.dismissed as envious those who criticized his behavior”

          Like we all secretly long to be suicidally irresponsible

    • T.

      Those people are germ-theory denialists. They don’t believe that infections are caused by bacterias.

      • Eddie

        Are there germ-theory denialists out there? I know there are still a few people clinging to the theory that AIDS is not caused by HIV, but I didn’t think there were folks who rejected that bacteria and viruses (virii?) cause disease.

        • The Bofa on the Sofa

          If you ask them if they deny germ theory, they will deny that (germ theory denier deniers?), but then again, if you ask Jenny McCarthy, she’ll deny that she is anti-vax. OTOH, their actions belie their words.

          • GuestB

            From the Golden Girls:
            “Dorothy: Rose, I am not in denial.
            Rose: Yes, you are. You’re just denying you’re in denial.
            Dorothy: Rose, honey, I am not denying I’m in denial.
            Rose: If you’re not denying you’re in denial, then you’re in denial.
            Dorothy: Look, fluffhead. Why should I deny being in denial? I never said I was in denial, YOU are the one who said I was in denial, and don’t you deny it.
            I can’t believe I finally found a relevant way to get the GG’s into a discussion, but I did. And you thought UC was hard…

          • The Bofa on the Sofa

            While I could never pull off a GG reference myself, I will say that an unsolicited reference such as this does pretty much get you your PCM certification under the “life experience” clause, forgoing any need for apprenticeship.

            I’m trying to think of anything else you need to do. Let me ask you, how do you pronounce “crochet”?

          • Eddie

            It’s the first two syllables of “crotchety ” right? Just like “Quiche” is pronounced “egg pie.” Hey, real men can’t even pronounced kweechee, and won’t go near those real women who give birth in the bush.

          • Sue

            Real men could compete with outdoor adult circumcision – with full informed consent (just saying)…

          • Bombshellrisa

            Nope, they don’t allow you to crochet or needlepoint (the needlepoint would force you to have suturing skills, and you need your seaweed cred). Knitting or hair braiding, and a plus for any “ancient wise woman skills” (herbal tincture, aromatherapy blending, work with crystals, ect)

        • Poogles

          “Are there germ-theory denialists out there? […] I didn’t think there were folks who rejected that bacteria and viruses (virii?) cause disease.”

          Unfortunately, yes, they do exist. While most of them accept that bacteria and viruses CAN cause disease (but only in very limited circumstances), there are some who honestly believe that they never cause disease. One of the theories is that bacteria are the RESULT of disease, not the cause.
          http://scienceblogs.com/insolence/2010/08/09/yes-there-really-are-people-who-dont-acc/

          Stupidity knows no bounds – there is still a Flat Earth Society, after all.

        • Sue

          Yes – a prominent anti-vax group in Oz are germ “theory” denialists. Science denial is a strange thing, especially when practised on the internet.

    • BCMom

      What pisses me off about this, (aside from the risk to baby) is that where I live we have an abundance of clean streams and rivers that we strive to keep that way for the future of our planet. No one would dream of taking a pee or poo in them, so why is it ok to pollute them with the detritus of childbirth?

      • Victoria

        And I am pretty sure that in that very long video that I skipped through that she is at one point actually peeing into the stream. She felt that this water was pure ecstasy to drink from – what about the poor sod maybe taking a drink downstream while she is labouring and peeing into it? You are not so much a birth goddess that your body’s waste products don’t contaminate just like every other person’s.

        • AmyM

          Plus all the greenish goo they wiped off the baby into the water. I noticed by the end they got a towel on that kid, but how long was he (she?) shivering and wet? I know they think skin-to-skin is all that, but if the mom is naked and damp and the baby is naked and damp, then both of them will be chilly.

      • Bombshellrisa

        It just shows that while they claim to be so in touch with nature, they are privileged beyond belief and totally entitled. They took an airplane to the rain forest and polluted a perfectly beautiful stream in the name of an experience, to prove they are so “natural”.

    • Yammy

      Nevermind that even though the stream may appear clean, there are also
      parasitic organisms likely to be lying in wait in that supposedly
      “clean” body of water, happy for a chance to infest her and her newborn
      and completely shatter her notion of invincibility and nature being on
      her side. Parasites are only natural, too. I wouldn’t be surprised,
      though, if birthing in a tub full of leeches became the new tier of
      Childbirth Badassery.

  • Kate

    “It is about reconnecting as humans with the dolphins so we can coexist in this world together and learn from one another,” says Heather.

    The stupid….it hurts…..they do realize that dolphins and humans…oh god…I can’t…. every time I think about it gives me shudders…….Serious stupidity. I am unsure if I have ever encountered a comment so, so, overwhelmingly idiotic.

    • AmyM

      So long and thanks for all the fish!

  • Meredith Watson

    Why the yoga mat? Doesn’t that interfere with the experience of being in nature?

  • Adelaide GP

    Had a real chuckle over the comment left by “Hazen” who actually lives in Hawaii. This is found in the comments section on the South Charlotte news article. Good luck to those buffoons if they can navigate those conditions! It would be hilarious if it wasnt so desperately sad that a baby’s life is likely at grave risk. Hopefully they see sense when they see those crashing waves and “20 foot monsters” as Hazen put it!

  • Gretta

    I wish these desperate cries for attention didn’t involve a poor defenseless infant just wanting to be loved and cared for…. Just wanting to live.

    • KarenJJ

      Congratulations – you have opened your hearts and expanded your family and you have a new life to care for! Not good enough? Need extra props? Can’t love it without some random external factors and wild animals? Not enough to hold your attention?

      • Sue

        It’s all about the mother.

  • Meredith Watson

    So odd. Having a baby is one of the most exciting events ever in my opinion. No need to add wild animals to the experience to enhance it.

  • I just do not get the need to sacrifice your child’s safety – I mean a ‘love’ of nature does not mean you need to sacrifice your offspring to Gaia…

    Posing such a serious risk to health and safety of children deserves some rebuke – may halos these clowns need to lose their children to the foster system until they complete some parenting education.

  • auntbea

    About *re*connecting with the dolphins? Guess they’re into this then: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aquatic_ape_hypothesis

  • AmyP

    “First you assemble your midwife, doula, and birth photographer (most vital member of the team). Then you quickly run outside to the pool when you are fully dilated and pushing. Finally, you are in the inflatable kiddie pool just like the one used by a prehistoric foremothers.”

    Ha!

    • Sue

      Is there a diploma for certified wildbirth photographers?

      (There could be a prize for Wildbirth Photographer of the Year)

  • ersmom

    Let’s see…for the first video, I see an unmedicated multip who pushed for over an hour.

    Second video, I see an unmedicated multip who pushed for hours, got the head out and needed assistance with the shoulders.

    And I too was thinking about all of the yucky bacteria in various streams.

    • KarenJJ

      I was wondering about leeches..

      I can half get the idea that birthing in a tub of warm water might help with pain relief. Certainly some people rave about it. But into cold creek water? And it looks like it’s just the baby getting wet, not herself (based on the picture. I was hoping to not watch the video..).

      I don’t know that there would be many mammals that would given birth and then dunk their infants into a creek.

      • AmyP

        “I don’t know that there would be many mammals that would given birth and then dunk their infants into a creek.”

        No kidding.

      • LukesCook

        I doubt that water is cold. Not sure why she was making such an issue of the water temp as she was never more than about ankle deep.

        • KarenJJ

          My (brief) experiences of Australian rainforest water bodies is that they can be surprisingly cool, but I am a wuss in water any colder then the local heated swimming pool.

    • Captain Obvious

      Simone ended up on her back after all that planning, just like the woo swear they would never do like they do in the hospital. Haha Maternal flexion of her hips would have aided the delivery of those shoulders, but I guess Simone was enjoying her surroundings too much to remember the little simple things like that so the baby wouldn’t die from a shoulder dystocia. Good thing she wasn’t trying an unassisted creek birth. Hurray for the assistant coming to get the shoulders out.

      • ersmom

        I noticed that too.

      • Captain Obvious

        You know what’s worse than being on your back in a hospital bed? Being on your back on a yoga mat in a creek in a rainforest on YouTube.

        • KarenJJ

          Is that baby going to be in tune with nature, creek water or foam yoga mats?

          • Anj Fabian

            Probably bonded with the fly that kept landing on its head.

          • T.

            I hope the flies didn’t lay any egg.

      • suchende

        I noticed that too. My favorite part of my hospital birth is that I was able to sit up my hospital bed and push at exactly the angle that felt best for me, somewhere between sitting up and laying back.

        • Jessica

          My favorite part of my hospital birth was the epidural.
          And the trained medical professionals. And then the jacuzzi tub.

          • suchende

            Don’t forget that someone else cleaned up, room service, nursery if you wanted a few hours of sleep, NICU… It was so awesome I spent the first 2 weeks of my daughter’s life wishing I could check back in.

          • Karen in SC

            Probably nothing to clean up in the creek or the ocean. In the rainforest birth I saw blood flowing into the creek. I’m assuming she collected the placenta but who knows? How convenient to just let it all seep away….

          • Squillo

            Right into the “clean, pristine” water that she liked to drink.

          • Jessica

            Well, sadly, I gave birth in a BFHI-wannabe hospital, so no nursery. And the recovery nurses sucked (took more than 30 minutes for one to come and help me to the bathroom about 12 hours after giving birth – woe to me for requesting assistance during shift change). But yes, I am grateful that the Level III NICU was down the hall if needed (it wasn’t), as well as 24/7 anesthesia and someone other than my husband to help with perineal care and assistance with going to the bathroom, shower, etc.

    • Exactly, also.. well if you see a beautiful stream, you don’t poo or pee into it right? So why give birth?

  • Captain Obvious

    So is heather permanently moving to Hawaii so she can raise her child with the dolphins? Or is she going to turn around and leave for home tearing the bonds her child has made with these dolphins? And upsetting these dolphins by taking their newest member of the pod away forever? :-/
    And Simone, you know rivers and creeks are usually contaminated with animal urine and feces from upstream living animals. And don’t birth near a waterfall because of water surges from mountain rains can wash over rocks and timber. “Streams feed waterfalls which means that what is coming down stream is also coming down the waterfall. That includes rocks, logs and other things that could bonk you on the head. Another danger is microscopic but extremely dangerous. Leptospirosis is a wicked bacterium which seeps into streams from animal waste. If you do decide to wade in creeks or swim in waterfalls, do not drink the water and cover up open wounds.”

    • AmyM

      Yeah…and giardia and other waterborne parasites…especially in a rainforest. All that exposed skin..malaria risk.