Natural childbirth advocates desperate to pretend Duchess validated their choices

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I could almost feel sorry for natural childbirth advocates. They have such low self-esteem and are so desperate for validation of their own beliefs, they have resorted to pretending that Duchess Kate mirrored their own birth choices.

The Duchess may be the wife of one heir to the throne and the mother of another, but even she cannot escape the pathetic need of natural childbirth advocates to judge and demean. The Duchess has modeled the best way to handle natural childbirth advocates; she has ignored them and refused to reveal private details of her pregnancy and birth. Therefore, NCB advocates have been forced to resort to pretending.

It started as soon as the pregnancy was announced. Twitter was full of NCB advocates fantasizing the the Duchess would have a homebirth. Unfortuntately for them, that was never in the cards. The Duchess, like any mother anxious to get the best possible care for herself and her child, gave birth in a hospital, and with obstetricians, not midwives. It seems as though when it’s REALLY important to ensure the survival of mother and baby (because they are part of the royal family), midwife led care is viewed as unacceptably second rate.

Oh, well. At least they can still pretend that the Duchess insisted on a natural birth. Despite having no idea of the Duchess’s due date, NCB advocates waxed rhapsodic that she didn’t have a post dates induction. Unfortunately, even an obstetrician I respect fell for that gambit. (The great Kate wait is a lesson for maternal health providers and pregnant women alike, as if the Duchess’s obstetricians would have hesitated for a microsecond to induce or proceed to immediate C-section if there were even a tiny hint that the little prince were at risk of oxygen deprivation.

Since the birth Twitter has been buzzing with NCB advocates speculating about whether the little prince had delayed cord clamping and whether he was or will be circumcized. It is assumed that the Duchess will breastfeed, so speculation centers around whether she will breastfeed in public (not likely).

But for sheer desperation and idiocy, you can’t beat today’s piece by Dr. Miriam Stoppard in the Mirror, Royal baby news: Kate Middleton’s quick childbirth shows she was relaxed during labour.

News the birth was quick suggests Kate was relaxed and not anxious during labour.

She apparently used a method called hypnobirthing to stay calm and visualise a straight forward birth.

Having Prince William at her side coaching, supporting and reassuring her during labour must have made a huge difference…

I hope the midwife laid the baby on Kate’s stomach soon after the birth so he could hear her heartbeat and smell her skin…

I guess if you are going to fantasize, you might as well go all the way and pretend that the birth was attended by a midwife even though it was reported that it wasn’t.

Stoppard has absolutely no idea how long the Duchess’s labor lasted since she doesn’t know when it started, but no matter. It’s so much more satisfying to pretend that it was quick and easy.

Stoppard has no idea whether or not the Duchess was relaxed or why. “Relaxing” during has no impact on length of labor and there is no scientific evidence that hypobirthing benefits anything other than the wallets of hypnobirthing purveyors.

For all we know, the Duchess received an epidural the minute she came through the door, and relaxed in comfort until the baby was born. But who cares about reality when pretending provides a much better boost to fragile self esteem.

You know what I didn’t see in the months leading up to the royal birth and in the days since? I haven’t seen anyone other than NCB advocates speculating about the details of the birth. I haven’t seen any women fantasizing that the Duchess would have an epidural like they did, or would opt for a maternal request C-section, or would request active managment of the 3rd state of labor. Most women don’t need anyone, not even a Duchess, to validate their childbirth choices.

Which makes it even more remarkable that natural childbirth advocates apparently need everyone to do so.