Honor your yoni!

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You can’t make this stuff up!

From Tribe de Mama:

Yoni. An all encompassing name for our sacred portal. Vagina, clit, labia, lips, g spot, womb…

A portal of power & wisdom. We are here to help one another birth a new way of being. A new way of honoring. We must take the time to honour our temples, our yoni’s, this sacred portal. A space from which we can tap into our innate power as women.

Really? Really??!!

I nominate this for most nonsense ever squeezed into the space of one paragraph:

Embrace it, the hair, smell, touch, taste, all of it. Celebrate it in your own unique way!

When we honor our bodies & our wombs we attract lovers who honour us as well on this journey through our awakenings. May we be unafraid of our own power, our own bodies. May we bask in the radiance & pleasure that we so rightly deserve as women in this lifetime. May we heal it for ourselves, for our families, our partners, sisters, children, for the earth. Let us take back & realize our own power.

But what if you don’t feel comfortable with your yoni?

Are there past hurts that have happened? Have you not honoured your body the way you so rightly deserve? Allow the questions to come, allow the answers. Hold space for your own feelings & past experiences. Allow them to come up & know that you are safe.We must heal our womb to allow for the love to pour through us. It is there waiting to heal. Our yoni’s deserve our utmost respect, awe & admiration.

How should you honor your own yoni?

– Yoni Steams
– Giving your moon blood back to the earth
– Using cloths pads, organic cotton, or menstrual cups (Our yoni’s are so sensitive & need to be honoured by anything that touches them)
– Yoni egg
– Gentle & natural products when bathing.
– Not allowing entrance or penetration until you are fully aroused & engorged
– Yoni massage
– Place your hand lovingly there & just allow gratitude for it.
– Embrace it, the hair, smell, touch, taste, all of it. Celebrate it in your own unique way!

Thanks, but no thanks. I live in the 21 Century where a woman’s power is not located in her vagina, but in her mind, her character and her actions.

  • SF Mom & Psychologist

    I call mine… Frankenweenie! (Remember that movie?) Tears and stitches from two vaginal births has left my lady parts a bit… Frankenstein-y.

    • LeighW

      We’re Frankenvag twins, lol

  • Wren

    I’m currently recovering from breaking my elbow (well, head of my radius) 2 weeks ago. I’m telling you, elbows deserve more honouring than they get.

    • Nick Sanders

      Elbows are such drama queens, though. Lightly tap one, and it screams like it’s dying.

      • DelphiniumFalcon

        Or get it too cold or lean on it too long and it takes the third, fourth, and pinky fingers to numbtown with it.

        • Nick Sanders

          And half the forearm.

    • Dr Kitty

      Ohh, not nice!
      Best wishes for a speedy recovery.
      If you broke it in a simple fall and haven’t already, talk to your doctor about whether you should get a bone scan or some calcium and vitamin D supplements.

      I’ve had a few young patients diagnosed with osteoporosis recently.

      • Wren

        Thanks. I broke it in a fairly nasty fall off my bike though.

  • Brix

    I am very skeeved out by this. And I’m hoping that my vagina does not now have delusions of grandeur.

  • If only whoever wrote that realized how incredibly ridiculous it sounds. But people who write twaddle like that are generally not known for having a sense of humor.

  • Zornorph

    You should hear me wax poetic about my magnificent penis 🙂

    • Brix

      Let’s hear it! I bet it beats this drivel by miles!

  • Amy

    Looks like they took some grooming advice from Gwyneth Paltrow now:
    http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/gwyneth-paltrow-women-steam-vaginas-article-1.2096571

    Do I even want to know what a “yoni egg” is?

    I do want to know if one side effect of “yoni honor” is the inability to distinguish between plurals and possessives. (Or is that plural’s and possessive’s?)

    • Zornorph

      I assume they shove a raw egg up there until it’s hard boiled.

      • KarenJJ

        Yeah – who’s game to google that one?

        • RMY

          Not me! I like not getting crunchy weird ads.

          • SporkParade

            It’s not all that exciting. It’s just an egg-shaped stone that you stick up there, ostensibly to tone the muscles or something.

    • Ardea

      Here’s an article about it! (If I unblock my sister-in-law on facebook, maybe I’ll even see a post from her about these, she’s always posting about sacred feminine stuff…)

      http://www.mysticalfemininity.com/blog/yoni-egg-the-secret-feminine-weapon/

  • Bombshellrisa

    Sometimes I wonder about the backgrounds of the women who initiate and perpetuate talking about yonis and insisting on throwing them festivals. I know that one of things that drew me to this crowd was that it was so different than my own super conservative homeschooling, never teach sex education way that I was raised. Initially having women around me that weren’t so repressed as I was used to was liberating. If you have always heard masturbation referred to as “self abuse” and you are made to feel shameful about your genitals, people who are open about both are a relief to be around. You might find yourself trying to “help” others adopt the same view. Being able to see both sides now has helped me not be a yoni cupcake maker, there are other ways to help women not feel shameful about their bodies.

  • Allie

    Is anyone else picturing a weird looking guy with long hair and a pan flute serenading their hoo-ha?

    • Amy

      A SNAG!

      (That’s Sensitive New Age Guy.)

    • Zornorph

      I don’t think Gheorghe Zamfir would ever do that.

    • Brix

      Well, I wasn’t. But I am now. And it is glorious!

  • Guesty

    Probably the most poetic words I’ve ever read about my cooter.

  • CanDoc

    Wow. I had no idea my vagina was so magical. Thus far, for me, it’s been recreational, functional, and occasionally inconvenient…. and 90% of the time, NOT ON MY MIND AT ALL.
    (But seriously, can you imagine if a man wrote the same thing about self-worship of his penis, scrotum and testicles?)

    • Amy

      No writing required. Look at the skyline of any major city– penis worship at its finest 🙂

      • The Bofa on the Sofa

        As an old friend used to say….”Anything taller than it is wide is a phallic symbol. And anything wider than it is tall is a phallic symbol…on its side.”

        • DelphiniumFalcon

          Someone made a handy chart for discerning these symbols!

        • Kelly

          Why do you think my husband made everything a freakin phallic symbol when we went to England? Every cannon he could find became a phallic symbol. I was the nice wife who took all the stupid pictures. Can’t wait to show my kids when they are a lot older to show how immature he is. They sound just as immature as high school boys.

          • demodocus

            ‘Though to be fair, that cucumber building…

          • The Bofa on the Sofa

            Huh. When we went to the fortresses in Canada with the big cannons, my wife was the one who sat on them….

  • Sue

    I have trouble endowing my “womb” with so much significance. It’s a muscular organ that doesn’t secrete hormones. It sheds its lining when not pregnant, then grows it again. Other bits maybe, but my uterus?

  • momofone

    Do I want to know what a yoni egg is?

    • The Bofa on the Sofa

      I’ll just quote what Matti wrote below (mainly because I love to quote Matti because she’s awesome):

      “Had to google what a yoni egg was, now I unfortunately know what a yoni egg is.”

  • demodocus

    If my “yoni” needs the utmost awe and respect and admiration, what about my thumb? So many uses, security blanket for my toddlerself, holding my pencils, useful handhold for helping small boys down the stairs, helps make dinner, and so many other things! Plus, it’s kind of cute, and rather fine boned considering the rest of my person.

  • Tara Coombs Lohman

    Yoni Steams? What in the Sam Hill is that? If my yoni is steaming, I’m off looking for a shower and some Dial, pronto.

  • sdsures

    Love the picture!

    As for the “Tribe de Mama”, I find it terribly worrying that they do not address the fears or problems that many women have as a result of sexual abuse or rape. It must be their fault; they have not honoured their body in the correct way. *sarcasm*

    “Are there past hurts that have happened? Have you not honoured your body the way you so rightly deserve? Allow the questions to come, allow the answers. Hold space for your own feelings & past experiences. Allow them to come up & know that you are safe.We must heal our womb to allow for the love to pour through us. It is there waiting to heal. Our yoni’s deserve our utmost respect, awe & admiration.”

    “Past hurts”? What is this, second grade-level writing?

    • Mishimoo

      That paragraph reeks of victim-blaming! I’m glad it’s not just me looking at it critically.

      • Amy M

        Yeah, more like someone else didn’t honour her body as she deserved….grrrrr

  • yugaya

    I always thought that having the informal phrase ” to think with one’s dick” for male gender and lack a female equivalent of it was kind of sexist. Well at least this ” collective of goddesses” is good for updating urban dictionary.

    If it isn’t in there already I’m off to add the phrase “to think with one’s yoni” and list Tribe the Mama as example.

    • demodocus

      In my family, we tended to us “think with one’s gonads” for that reason

      • The Bofa on the Sofa

        But I’ve never heard anyone think it is virtuous.

  • DelphiniumFalcon

    I’m also convinced these people don’t play video games.

    People who play video games don’t trust portals. Never know when it’s going to spit you out on to the boss in mook’s clothing island.

    We do, however, think with portals.

    • Sarah

      We also don’t trust cake.

      • DelphiniumFalcon
        • Spamamander

          I had my daughter’s high school graduation cake inscribed with “This is not a lie”. The baker was terribly confused.

          • Azuran

            For my SO’s birthday last year, we removed the cake from the cake box and instead put a letter in it with ‘the cake is a lie’ inside the box.

        • yentavegan

          please explain the joke. I don’t get it.

          • DelphiniumFalcon

            “The cake is a lie” is from a videogame called Portal where you are running experiments in a lab headed by a not quite sane AI. Said AI promises delicious cake at the conclusion of the trials. However as you progress through the levels and retrace the steps of previous subjects it appears you will never achieve success and enjoy said delicious cake as the previous subject has scratched into the walls “The cake is a lie!” This became memetic in the video game community and has persisted over the years.

            As for the picture lye, or sodium hydroxide, is a caustic alkaline substance that can be used for soap making. As lye and lie are pronounced the same “the cake is a lye” is playing on this. And that eating a cake of lye would not be healthy for you.

          • yentavegan

            thanks

    • Nick Sanders

      I see someone reads TvTropes.

      • DelphiniumFalcon

        TVTropes has ruined my vocabulary.

    • JellyCat

      Not portals, portholes!

  • yentavegan

    We are more than just the sum total of our body parts. And grown-ups call their genitals by socially accepted names. Yoni is not one.

    • Zornorph

      Yoni is the dead brother of the Israeli prime minister.

  • Laura

    I honor my “yoni” by not being obsessed with it. This level of obsession for any other body part would be considered pathological.

    • DelphiniumFalcon

      And here we have the root cause of the squick from this obsession and why intactivists come off as such loonies!

  • Megan

    Should we all make yoni cupcakes to celebrate? (Mmm, cupcakes…)

    • Nick Sanders

      Oh man, that reminds me, have you seen those creepy childbirth cakes?

      • Megan

        Ugh yes. we joked about them while planning my baby shower last year. Some are horrifying.

      • Megan

        Actually if you’ve never had a look, this website is pretty amusing:
        http://www.cakewrecks.com

        • Nick Sanders

          I’ve been there in the past. :p It’s where I saw several of them.

  • namaste863

    That must be some potent weed she’s smoking. in the immortal words of Estelle Reiner, “I’ll have what she’s having.”

  • Liz Leyden

    Does anyone else think “Yoni” sounds like a female yoga instructor?

    • demodocus

      I think of the singer Yonni, but that works too, lol

      • Liz Leyden

        Yanni, the Greek whose songs come in 2 flavors (“soap opera theme” or “Macguyver”)?

        • demodocus

          Yup, that one. Not that I can bring a single one of his songs to mind, but they were all over the airwaves when I was a kid.

          • Zornorph

            If you played ‘Santorini’, you would recognize it right away.

    • namaste863

      Actually, that’s exactly what I thought a yoni was, the first time I heard the term.

    • Sue

      It’s an ancient Sanskrit word – honoured because, you know, people who spoke Sanskrit held women in such high social esteem. Or not.

    • Zornorph

      Always makes me think of Yoni Netanyahu – the late brother of Israel’s prime minister who was killed in the raid on Entebbe

    • Mattie

      For some reason that makes sense only to my own brain it makes me think of yoghurt.

  • demodocus

    Love does not pour out my vagina. What a gross idea.

  • Rachele Willoughby

    My sister and I just laughed until we cried. You just can’t make this stuff up.

  • Squillo

    I honor mine by having regular gyn exams. My daughter will honor hers when she gets her first HPV shot.

  • DelphiniumFalcon

    Well something pours out of there but it sure ain’t love!

    I’d really appreciate it if it would stop pouring too. Hydrogen peroxide can only do so much with blood stains.

    • Amy M

      So, if I use OxyClean to get out “moon” blood stains, is that dishonourable?

      • DelphiniumFalcon

        That sounds like it could have been made from toxic chemicals. You might upset the moon goddesses like Selene and Artemis if you use it. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to piss off Artemis.

        • Roadstergal

          What about MMS?

          • DelphiniumFalcon

            It’d probably piss off Artemis too. A lot of things piss off Artemis.

          • Taysha

            Artemis seriously needs to get laid.

          • DelphiniumFalcon

            You have no idea how hard I laughed at this. XD

          • Roadstergal

            Man, just when I thought I had found a non-horrific use for MMS.

        • Nick Sanders

          She does have something of a reputation for excessive punishments.

          • DelphiniumFalcon

            Pretty much all the Greek Gods did.

            Cheating on me again, Zeus?! Since I can’t kill you I’ll just make your lovers/rape victims suffer horribly!

            Thank you Goddess of Motherhood.

          • Roadstergal

            I always liked Asclepius. At the risk of ruining one of my childhood heroes, did he ever go nuts on anyone in proper Greek god style?

          • DelphiniumFalcon

            A cursory Googling says he did not.

            That’s one reason I like Hephaestus. He rarely went nuts on anyone and when he did it was generally lol worthy against the nuttier Gods. Like the God equivalent of gluing Hera to a chair.

            There was the whole Pandora thing though…

          • Nick Sanders

            Or starting a war because you lost a beauty contest to the Goddess of Love.

          • KeeperOfTheBooks

            To be fair, that was pretty much a lose-lose situation for Paris and the rest of the mortals. Talk about a guy’s worst nightmare: Hey, you get to choose which of these three goddesses–no, LITERAL goddesses, complete with powers!–is the most beautiful. What could possibly go wrong…?

      • Sue

        It’s OK if you tip the rinsing water back into the soil….but be careful of dishonoring the soil. SHeesh – this stuff is complicated. Some earth element just gets offended whatever you do!

    • Nick Sanders

      I’ve heard club soda helps. But I don’t really have many blood stains of my own, so I’ve never tried it.

      • Roadstergal

        I rub a little dish soap hard into the stain and let it marinate in the hamper. Sometimes it requires two runs through the washer, but it’s worked so far – and good thing, too, I love my yellow jeans.

      • MaineJen

        Windex.

      • DelphiniumFalcon

        Probably TMI but some period blood can get a bit thick since it’s not just blood. The peroxide helps break it down a bit so it’ll actually wash out. It’s like the consistency of really cold water about to freeze. Kind of that almost gel like quality.

        Plus peroxide can sometimes get the really, really set in dried stains to lift.

        • Roadstergal

          Okay, a trial is clearly called for. One of us needs to let our yoni pour unhindered as it was intended to, then divide the stain into thirds, and treat one third with dish soap, one third with peroxide, and one third with Windex.

          • DelphiniumFalcon

            I’m out with that one. I’m testing out to see if I can get six months period free. I really hate feeling like I got stabbed in the gut and all the blood from the injury took an alternate route out.

            I am going to be doing yard work this weekend though. And I’m the Queen of Falling on the WORST Shit.

            …I have a dog so sometimes it’s literally shit.

          • Cobalt

            I’ll do the placebo control phase, all my undies are black.

          • Who?

            Smart.

            My daughter has just transformed her life by acquiring 10 pairs of black ankle socks, and tossing out all her others. Now, despite her chaotic washing arrangements, she never has odd socks.

            It’s the little things that make us happy.

          • Cobalt

            I did that with my kids. One had solid white, one gray heel/toe and one black. Major quality of life upgrade for me, and now the spare sock box never has more than 3 in it, when it used to be dozens. It really is the little things.

          • Who?

            We used to call it the dating agency. The socks would go there, sometimes, find their true love, sometimes a good enough match, and sometimes, having searched for a while, they left for far shores, having been unable to find any match at all.

          • Who?

            Be sure to let us know how that goes…

        • Bombshellrisa

          Murphy’s Oil soap. Best thing to remove stains on things you can put in a washing machine. Just got a blood stain out of my husbands best white dress shirt (oh grandpa, don’t encourage clumsy 18 month old to run and jump off the curb!) that way

    • Megan

      Peroxide is the best for blood stains! Learned that trick from a friend who works in a blood bank.

      • DelphiniumFalcon

        I finally decided to try it on my husband’s white dress shirts after he scratched a skin tag wrong and it bled all over the collar.

        Afterwards I was like “Where have you been all my life?!”

        Spray and wash and hydrogen peroxide are always in my laundry room.

        • Megan

          Spray and wash, peroxide, Dawn dish soap, oxyclean, dry cleaning solvent and rubbing alcohol. That’s my arsenal. I can get out almost any stain!

          • Mattie

            I’d also add lemon juice, it does wonders on yellowed whites!

    • Amy

      Lestoil! It’s nasty, it smells horrible, and it gets EVERYTHING out.

      • DelphiniumFalcon

        I may have to invest in some this stuff!

  • KeeperOfTheBooks

    Erm…
    You know, I just recently started a new medication. Posting stuff like this is enough to make a person reasonably wonder for a minute or two just what the hell is IN those pills, if truly bizarre hallucinations are a possible side effect, and whether one’s pharmacist has accidentally slipped powdered mushrooms from a private stash into those capsules rather than the blood pressure meds one was expecting.
    *blinks*

    • DelphiniumFalcon

      See, this is why I don’t do any illegal drugs. I’m already nuts. I don’t need any help getting there.

  • Sarah

    I suppose not allowing entrance until you’re fully aroused is a good idea, but am going to pass on the rest.

    • Roadstergal

      I tried that with my last smear, but the GYN had a lot of appointments that day and didn’t like the lights so low.

      • Sarah

        You should’ve gone to Ina May.

        • Roadstergal

          AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

      • momofone

        I called today to set up my (overdue) annual exam, and I couldn’t help thinking of this–I was tempted to ask for extra time and a room with a dimmer.

  • Mel

    Um. No, thanks.

  • Guest

    I can’t get passed the grammatical errors.

  • MLE

    This was lifted from Portlandia, right?

    • MaineJen

      The dream of the ’90s is alive!

    • Kq

      It sounds like a workshop held by Candace and Toni at Women and Women First.

    • Bombshellrisa

      The western side of Oregon doesn’t have the monopoly on this stuff, Eastern Oregon is just as bad! I wish there was a show based on La Grande. Imagine “Napoleon Dynamite” and the town and people but all of them are into this kind of woo.

  • Burgundy

    “When we honor our bodies & our wombs we attract lovers who honour us as well on this journey through our awakenings.”

    I have an image of a female pimp trying to lured a young naive girl into sex trade.

  • wookie130

    I honored my yoni by having 2 elective c-sections. My yoni will forever thank me for that one.

    • The Bofa on the Sofa

      I’ve honored my wife’s yoni by….

      Wait. Maybe I don’t want to go that direction….

      • sdsures

        *leers at my husband* Dear, it’s time to honor my yoni!”

        • KeeperOfTheBooks

          To be filed under “things that would make my husband back away slowly with a horrified look on his face”…

  • Taysha

    These people need a few hours in r/sex

    I rather spend my time making sweet love to a good book than honoring my yoni. I’ll get a lot more out of it.

  • The Bofa on the Sofa

    I brought this up the other day. If a guy wrote something like this about his penis, what would the response be? “Grow up,” maybe?

    Seriously, as a guy, even _I_ roll my eyes over guys who think they are defined by their penis. Meanwhile, these women try to emulate it.

    • fiftyfifty1

      Dan Savage had a thing about this, sheesh maybe 20 years ago. He thought up some equally trippy-dippy names for his male member. My favorite was The Log of my Wisdom.

      • Rita Rippetoe

        There is some wonderful (as in really makes you wonder) stuff

        on Regretsy too.

        • Kq

          I MISS REGRETSY SO MUCH

    • Nick Sanders

      Well, I hear “massage” is pretty popular with most guys.

    • Zornorph

      Respect the cøck!

  • Amy M

    “TRIBE de MAMA is an online women’s empowerment magazine made from a collective of goddesses.”

    The whole site is a treasure trove of (hilarious) woo. There’s a birth story on there (not hilarious)—at a birth center in Europe (I think), and she compares early labor to an MDMA trip. Then, when things start to go wrong, she finally agrees to transfer after pushing for 3 hrs, and she gets an epidural and pitocin. The doctors want to do a Csection, but the midwives fight them off. Baby is born blue and not breathing, but is resuscitated quickly. As far as the mom is concerned, it was a beautiful experience.

    We hear that same story over and over and over and none of them bat an eye at a blue, limp baby.

  • Azuran

    We shouldn’t stop there. After all, it takes 2 to tango.
    Men are a part of the magical journey of motherhood. As such, men should honour their ‘Poni’ A special part of their being where they get their innate power as men. Their portal of power and wisdom.
    When men honour their Poni, they attract lovers who will honour them as well.
    Men should embrace their Poni, the hair, the smell, the taste, the touch.
    They should honour their Poni by using only natural products to wash their Poni. Wearing only organic cotton underwears, return their seed to the earth. Give themself Poni massages and just place their hand down their pants whenever they want to.

    • The Bofa on the Sofa

      Too late, they (ok, we) already do that. These women are just trying to catch up.

      • AirPlant

        I am suddenly more sympathetic with public masterbators. They were just honoring their masculine energy by returning their seed to the earth.

        • AirPlant

          and/or the floor of the subway.

    • Mariana Baca

      the male equivalent of yoni is the lingam, btw.

  • anh

    This all sounds good but I just don’t think I have enough time for all of that. I devote a few hours a day devoted to honoring my pancreas. I know it sounds nuts, but it’s so worth it. My pancreas is the reason I attracted my pastry chef husband, sending out signals of fortitude against massive onslaughts of sugar. I do pancreatic cleanses and affirmations. ALmost everyday I sent constant loving thoughts to my bauchspeicheldruse (because I believe only German has the sophistication necessary to demonstrate its noble purpose).
    with all my pancreatic love, my yonni just gets neglected.

    • NoLongerCrunching
      • The Bofa on the Sofa

        God they still make great videos…

        • NoLongerCrunching

          I am so psyched I am going to see Weird Al in concert on Saturday. I may have an extra ticket if anyone lives near Newport News or wants to drive there.…

      • Kq

        Damn, I see I was beaten to it

    • Roadstergal

      I wish I could upvote this more than once. (And you’re right, our hearts, livers, and lungs must be all, “Hey, why the hell is the vagina getting all the attention?”)

      • Cobalt

        Really, often does a vagina get used? Even if you have vaginal intercourse every day (and most women don’t have that much), have 7 days a month of menstruation (or that much), and deliver 15 children vaginally (very rare), that’s still not near the work the heart does.

        Mine could slam shut permanently tomorrow, and while my sex life would have to adapt somewhat, I would be fine (if a tad confused).

        Heart, lungs, liver, kidneys…not so much.

        • Roadstergal

          My vagina doesn’t even need to be involved for me to have an orgasm. I’m not going to say it’s a totally useless bit of anatomy, but it definitely doesn’t make my top 10.

          • Cobalt

            It’s neat to have and can be fun, if a bit high maintenance, but it doesn’t do anything so important that I couldn’t do everything I usually do without it.

        • Zen

          Seriously!! I mean, even the lowly colon…given the choice between having a functioning, happy colon and a functioning vagina, I’m going to take the colon!

    • Megan

      I’m rather attached to my bone marrow…

      Or what about the thymus or the adrenals? They never get any love…

      • araikwao

        The epiploic appendage, perhaps? (just learned in a radiology course it even has its own “itis” – maybe it needs an online support group too?)

        • Dr Kitty

          Since epiploic appendagitis is benign, self-limiting and non surgical, the FAQs would be AMAZING.

          Q: What do I need to do now I have this diagnosis?
          A: Nothing. You’ll get better without treatment.

          Q: Do I need a special diet?
          A: No.

          Q: What about herbs?
          A: No.

          Q: Will homeopathy cure me?
          A: No quicker than doing nothing.

          Q: You mean I have a rare diagnosis and I’m just going to get over it?
          A: Yes. Be grateful.

          • Nick Sanders

            Q: Is there anything at all I can do?
            A: Milk your gullible friends/family for sympathy.

        • Sue

          Wow – a new “itis”! That means we can invoke all the stuff that allegedly causes inflammation (seed oils, grains, sugars, non-sugars, margarine, toxins and stuff) and treat it by eating stuff that fights inflammation (basically everything paleo).

          Then, the self-limiting condition gets better, and we get to take credit for curing outselves through diet! Maybe even write a book about it, and then…BLOG!

      • Dr Kitty

        Personally, I’m particularly fond of my lunates. They do stellar work.

        Sure, some may say that scaphoids and hamates are more glamorous, and triquetra have a certain pleasing geometry, but I just don’t think carpals get any better than the lunate.

        • demodocus

          I love it when you talk all nerdy to us.
          wrist bones?

          • Dr Kitty

            Yes. Wrist bones.

            Full disclosure, I can only name all the carpals by using the mnemonic “Scared Lovers Try Positions That They Can’t Handle”.

            Like most of the mnemonics that have survived in my brain in the years since medical school, it is a bit rude.
            My brain remembers dirty rhymes very well.

            It is impressive to be able to tell you which cranial nerves are sensory, motor or both. Somewhat less impressive if I reveal that the secret is “Some Say Marry Money, But My Brother Says Big Boobs Matter More”.

          • Wishful

            Oh oh oh, to touch and feel a girls vagina and hymen…that is how I remember the names for all the cranial nerves.

          • Who?

            So when my gp gets a faraway look in her eye as she’s feeling my bung-ish wrist, she’s thinking about a mnemonic.

          • Dr Kitty

            Yup, that’s the one I use too…
            But not the one I teach students.
            I’m supposed to teach them “Old Officers Often Take The Army For Assorted Glories, Vague And Historical”.

            I suggest that they Google other mnemonics or make up their own, but to ensure that they use ones they can remember, even if they can’t recite them aloud in public.

            Do you remember the path of the lingual nerve, by any chance?

          • Mishimoo

            They seem to be either rude or grim. The one I learnt in highschool from my favourite science teacher* was “Kids Playing Chasey On Freeway Get Squashed.” – Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, and Species.

            (*Dual doctorate in chemistry and physics, chose to teach science in a rural mining town AND did an awesome job of it.)

          • SporkParade

            That’s much better than the mnemonic I learned for taxonomy. You just need to remember “kingdom,” and then “Please come over for gay sex.”

    • Mishimoo

      Thank you, that song is stuck in my head (again!). Not that it’s a burden, to be honest.

    • Kq
  • Sarah

    Is anyone else getting really sick of cultural appropriation in terms like “yoni” and “namaste”? It’s gotten pretty ridiculous. We should stop stealing “mystical” things from places of privilege because they sound cool and “enlightened..”

    • Amy M

      Yes. Going along with that theme is that when Westerners come up with a mantra (for meditation, labor, whatever), their go-to deities are Mystikal–Isis, Astarte, Inanna, etc. I’ve never heard anyone chant “Zoroaster” though.

      • Taysha

        Astarte and Isis are go-to deities? Do these people even mythology?

        • The Bofa on the Sofa

          All I know about Isis I learned from the Sid and Marty Kroft Saturday morning show about the teacher who found the magical scarab. “Oh mighty Isis…”

          Isis, Shazam and Electra Woman and DynaGirl.

          • Taysha

            there’s that whole bit about her nailing her brother and sewing him back together after he was dismembered.
            And the wooden phallus to make up for the bits she couldn’t find.

            Ringing endorsement, that one.

          • The Bofa on the Sofa

            Sid and Marty Kroft did not have that part in their Saturday morning kids’ show.

          • Taysha

            Still beats the association of Astarte (Mesopotamian) with Sekhmet (Egyptian), she who was given to drink 1000 barrels of beer colored red to make her think it was the blood of her enemies and thus get her to stop her rampage.
            Egyptian gods gave a whole new meaning to PMS.

          • Rita Rippetoe

            To the tune of “Old Time Religion”

            Lady Isis has real style
            Bits of hubby in the Nile
            Reassembled him by trial,
            And that’s good enough for me.

          • demodocus

            I love rewriting “Old Time Religion.” It just begs to be picked on.

          • Nick Sanders

            The version I read had it made of ceramic.

          • Taysha

            Interesting. Bullfinch calls it wood, but I’m sure it’s open for interpretation

          • Nick Sanders

            I honestly can’t remember who it was that wrote the version I read. I actually have a copy of Bulfinch within arm’s reach of my compute that I got for Christmas once and have yet to read.

          • Taysha

            Nerds unite =) (now I have to dig out Bullfinch and double check my memory. Curses)

          • Roadstergal

            That would be preferable, IMO, splinters-wise.

        • Amy M

          I guess…I’m not into organized religion much, but back in college I dated a neo-pagan (guy). They had group on campus, which was way more female than male, and that particular chant sticks in my mind, lo these 20yrs, like a godamn ear worm.

          • Taysha

            It’s always adorable when people romanticize deities without bothering to learn about them. You know, the deities that gave people reasons for sacrifices and all that.

            I’m going to stick to Bastet.

      • Nick Sanders

        I wonder if you could get them to invoke Pazuzu to ward off Lamashtu.

        Probably would be considered to masculine for their birth woo.

      • Dinolindor

        There is only Zuul.

  • Cobalt

    “When we honor our bodies & our wombs we attract lovers who honour us as well on this journey through our awakenings.”

    I think just means you out-crazy all your normal potential partners until all that’s left is other wooites and those who prey on wooites.

  • Roadstergal

    “When we honor our bodies & our wombs we attract lovers who honour us as well on this journey through our awakenings.”

    Uh, I used my brain to find and engage with lovers who respect me. What an empowered, feminist message – use your body and vagina to get men.

    • DelphiniumFalcon

      Well damn I did it all backwards!

      I met my husband on a gaming site and he was more than a thousand miles away from my “yoni” for four years! And I was bitching about my womb for a good part of that because I first met him after having surgery to clean out some endometriosis crap and laid up in bed with a laptop for entertainment.

      Fuck, I knew I was awful at courtship.

    • Liz Leyden

      It kind of makes sense. If you love yourself you’re less likely to put up with people mistreating you. It’s a small nugget of substance in a big pile of woo.

  • Mattie

    Had to google what a yoni egg was, now I unfortunately know what a yoni egg is.

    • Amy M

      Isn’t it that thing strippers do in exotic dance routines?

    • anh

      can you gist it?

      • Roadstergal

        It seems to be a cross between a Ben Wa ball and a Kegelcisor?

      • Mattie

        did you read the post a week-or-so ago about shoving odd things up your sacred portal…this is basically that, but with an egg shaped smoothed rock.

        • Amy M

          With a string on it?

          • Mattie

            Nope, no string, it’s weighted so it will just (and I quote) ‘make its way out on its own’

          • AirPlant

            Do these people not work?

          • Mattie

            Perhaps they have special knickers that ‘catch’ the egg so that it doesn’t fall on the floor. Or more than likely they don’t work, they stay inside homeschooling their unvaccinated offspring

          • momofone

            Homeschooling might be too structured and of The Man. Maybe they’re unschooling?

          • Petanque

            Knickers with a nest in them for the yoni egg to hatch into!

          • Roadstergal

            To be fair, you don’t need a string or flared base with a weighted toy going into the vagina (unlike buttplay, where you REALLY need a flared base) – it’s easy to squeeze it out, and ben wa balls are fun. But I’ve never had one make its own way out, and I’d be a little worried about the integrity of my pelvic floor if one did…

          • Zornorph

            Q: What’s the most embarrassing to happen to a woman?
            A: When her ben wa balls set off the airport metal detector.

        • Laura

          Shoving a rock…up your vagina?

          Just when you thought you heard it all. *vomits*

    • Sue

      Makes a whole new meaning for the term “coddled egg”!