Nicola’s noxious narcissism: when the birth is more important than the baby


Which came first, the narcissism or the birth?

Damned if I know.

Regardless, something is very, very wrong when the birth is more important than the baby.

[pullquote align=”right” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]We rolled the dice thinking it wouldn’t happen to us and we lost.[/pullquote]

Take Nicola for example.

After being “disrespected” during her first birth:

For my second pregnancy I chose to sit outside the system and hired independent midwives. I chose to birth at home against consultant advice as I didn’t trust them to look after my best interests. I put in a lot of work and effort to prepare myself for a natural birth which payed off as I had a wonderful birth.

Her work and effort paid off in a “wonderful” birth.

The birth was not wonderful for the baby, though.


But i was very unlucky, my baby was born not breathing 40 minutes away from hospital from which he has sustained serious brain injury and will live with serious life long disabilities.

Now I will spend the rest of my life wondering whether I should have gone against every instinct in my body and done as I was told by people I didn’t trust. If I had done that would my son have arrived safely??

Unlucky? Does Nicola blame herself for her son’s brain damage? Be serious!

…And it is likely he would have had a better outcome if he’d been born in the hospital, if I’d been hooked up to cfm. What a shame that my trust had been completely abused and destroyed first time round.”


Birth is inherently risky. We rolled the dice thinking it wouldn’t happen to us and we lost.

Let me fix that for you Nicola. YOU rolled the dice with HIS life and HE lost.

It’s not a shame; it’s a tragedy that Nicola thought whether or not she was “disrespected” was more important than whether or not her son survived birth intact.

When exactly did the birth become more important than the baby?

Maybe Chrissy could tell us.

Here’s what she posted to her Facebook VBAC group:


I GOT MY VBAC!!!!! I want to share my vbac birth story with everyone.

What about the baby? You remember the baby, right? Ostensibly the entire purpose of the pregnancy?

Her was born at 28 weeks with intrauterine growth restriction, is intubated, in the NICU and potentially may not survive, but Chrissy knows what’s important to her. She GOT HER VBAC!!!!!

Carmina, on the other hand, seems stunned by what happened at her homebirth. According to the GoFundMe page:

T. was born on Wednesday, December 2, 2015 at home by mid wife. At some point during his birth two things went drastically wrong. He inhaled meconium which filled his lungs and the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck, cutting off his oxygen.

The midwife was able to rescusitate him after approximately 13 minutes, however, it is unknown how long T. had been cut off from oxygen intake, or at which point he inhaled the meconium. For the first 40 minutes of his life, he was not in Doctors’ hands as he was in route via helicopter to the Hospital.


According to his mother:

He was born at home, naturally with our amazing midwife … My water broke when his head came out and meconium spilled out … His umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck and I pushed his body out we could see he was blue and not breathing.

Our midwife immediately unwrapped the cord and started CPR. We called 911 and the ambulance got there in about 15-20 minutes … By the time I got to the hospital in an ambulance right behind him, they had him completely surrounded with a team of 8-10 …

The baby was transferred to another hospital:

Our plan was to wait until the next day … But then we received a phone called from the doctor that sounded very grim … We went to see T. and the doctor gave an update of how they cleaned him out as best they could and they were worried he had severe brain damage.

He underwent brain cooling therapy and at this point his prognosis was unknown.

It didn’t have to happen this way. Had his mother been more concerned about his safety than her experience, he’d be fine and she’d probably be complaining about her “unnecessary” C-section.

When did the birth experience become more important than the baby?

Maybe one of these women could explain it to us. Inquiring minds want to know.