Homebirth, and natural childbirth advocates insist that “Peace on Earth Begins With Birth.”
That’s not what my research shows. I’ve discovered an astounding fact about natural childbirth, breastfeeding and attachment parenting: all are risk factors for tyranny, mass murder and a variety of other ills.
Consider:
[pullquote align=”right” cite=”” link=”” color=”#00A8BD” class=”” size=””]Almost all of history’s greatest tyrants were breastfed … exclusively.[/pullquote]
Of history’s greatest tyrants, men such as Hitler, Torquemada, Henry VIII, Attila the Hun, etc., nearly all were born vaginally. The only potential exception is Julius Caesar, reputedly born by way of the eponymous Caesarean section.
Almost all of history’s greatest tyrants were breastfed … exclusively.
The long term effect of giving birth without pain medication is dreadful. 100% of the children born to women who gave birth before the advent of anesthesia in the mid-nineteenth century are now dead.
Vaginal birth is a risk factor for Communism: Marx, Engels, Lenin, and Stalin were all born vaginally.
Breastfeeding is a risk factor for plague. Nearly 100% of people who died of the Black Death were breastfed.
Attachment parenting played a major role in imperialist expansion in the US. Fully 100% of the invaders who displaced the Native American population of this continent were born vaginally. Moreover, fully 100% of the Native Americans who were unable to resist the advent of the invaders were breastfed.
Breastfeeding is a risk factor for violent behavior. Almost all Viking marauders were breastfed.
Nearly all slave-holding Americans, plantation owners and the entire Confederate army were born vaginally.
Not a single Crusader was born to a woman who had an epidural in labor.
Vaginal birth is a risk factor for anti-social behavior. Roman emperors Caligula and Nero, as well as Jack the Ripper and Lizzie Borden (who committed patricide AND matricide) were born vaginally.
Breastfeeding leads to transmission of disease. Typhoid Mary was breastfed.
Hospital birth promotes technological progress. Desk top computers, iPhones, Skype and Twitter did not exist until the proportion of US births occurring in hospitals rose above 90%.
What is the cause behind these incontrovertible facts?
First, we’ve known for centuries that deep seated prejudice is “imbibed with mother’s milk.” I’ve never heard of anyone imbibing hatred with Similac, so the obvious solution is to promote formula feeding.
Second, as Dr. Michel Odent has insisted, oxytocin is the love hormone and some women clearly don’t have enough love. The solution is oxytocin supplements. Fortunately, pitocin has the exact same chemical composition of oxytocin, so it seems clear that, to be on the safe side, all labors should be induced or augmented with pitocin.
Finally, epidurals ought to be mandatory in labor. The mothers of the greatest tyrants in history gave birth without pain relief and look what happened as a result.
It’s time to acknowledge that “Peace on Earth begins with Interventions in Birth!”
This piece first appeared in August 2012 and is (obviously) satire.
Sarcasm is an adequate and good response to absurd arguments.I appreciate this post .
OT (but that’s common for this thread by now): taking advantage of the nice weather yesterday, we went ice skating. 15 minutes on the ice, and my wife falls and hurts her ankle. Well, she goes and sits it out while the kids and I keep going. Younger Offspring bags off and so we are staying because Elder Offspring is actually starting to a little better and enjoying himself.
That’s not the funny (goofy) part. So we get done skating, and take mom to the urgent care. We drive up to the door, I run in and grab a wheelchair, she gets in, I push her inside, and she goes to sign in while I park the car.
We park the car and the kids and I go in to check on her. She sees me and says, “I didn’t expect you to come in.”
OK, our plan was yes to leave her at the UC while we went back home and she would let us know when she was done, but I had to laugh. I said, wait a minute. You thought I’d bring you to the door, set you in a wheelchair in the doorway, and just leave?
Even the lady doing the check-in got a chuckle over that one.
But I stopped myself from adding, “What do you think I am, a homebirth midwife?”
Ultimately, with the kids help (they insisted) we wheeled her over to a seat by the door and gave her an appropriate good-bye before we left.
Well, that’s the end of the funny part. The short answer is that she broke her ankle, so is now hobbled up good for a while. Right now she just has a splint, but is going to the orthopedist tomorrow.
Ouch! Speedy healing to your wife!
Ouch! Hope she heals up quickly and well.
Quick healing to her!
Oh no! Ouch! Feel better soon!
Ouch, that’s a sucky one. 🙁 I still have two screws in my ankle. Thanks to a good PT, I don’t notice them anymore…
you cannot be serious…..you cannot fucking be serious!!! you’ve got to be some sort of satirical troll…this has to be sarcasm. Nobody could be this stupid!!!
So, you missed the part where it said ‘obviously satire’?
Probably just read the title and nothing else.
Even on my worst brainfog days, I don’t know if I’m this out of it.
I’m pretty sure somebody could. 🙂
Is it possible to be a “troll” on your own blog site?
It IS sarcasm, you idiot!
Whereas you are obviously a frickin genius.
Of course Dr. T’s post is sarcastic. That’s why she said it’s satire at the end of it.
I’m going to get a lot of milage out if this pic today.
Fun fact: 100% of people who drink water will die.
Damn. I’m going to stick with coffee only from now on.
Probably a good idea. I’m going with wine.
Beer is my choice.
Coca cola for me…
If we’re talking non-alcoholic drinks, I’m going to have to go with Diet Coke.
Aspartame gives me migraines. 🙁 Otherwise I’d be right there with you in going for the calorie-free option.
because there’s definitely no water in coffee!
100% of people who LIVE die! It is an incontrovertible fact that life inevitably causes death.
Life is a sexually transmitted disease with a %100 fatality rate.
Julius Caesar wasn’t born by cesarean; his mother Aurelia survived his birth. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aurelia_Cotta
http://mentalfloss.com/article/50179/how-did-caesarean-sections-get-their-name
I KNEW IT.
Why look to history when we can look to current events? There is an extremely high correlation between a country’s rate of unmedicated vaginal birth, breastfeeding and bed-sharing and its chance of being run by a dictator.
I am still so scared about the fact that satire needs to be declared as such.
Oh, how I love statistics! 🙂
These people really don’t get correlation does not equal causation. I’ve never understood how they can decide that parenting an exact, certain way will yield predictable and desirable results. I’ve seen plenty of NCB/AP types say that babies are people who deserve to be treated as individuals and with respect. Then they turn around and insist that everyone must raise babies the same way, regardless of the baby’s preferences or the actual outcomes.
A baby is born knowing what? How to breathe, suckle and cry? That’s about it. I’ve, personally, never felt comfortable letting something that dim witted determine what is best for itself. But maybe that’s just me… 😉
I don’t mean that the baby determines what is best. I mean the parents determine which methods work best for the baby. An example would be that many AP parents are into baby-wearing. However, not all babies like being in a carrier or wrap, so a parent treating the child as an individual won’t wear that baby, but a parent who thinks babies must be worn or else they won’t bond or whatever, would wear the baby anyway, even if it struggled or cried.
I’m sorry. I was referring to something different, I think. My experiences with AP mean that the children run the whole show. They decide when to eat, sleep, play, what to wear, where to go, where to sleep, what to say, what to have for dinner, etc. The parents cater to the children. My point was that little people can’t handle that level of autonomy. But I was off base regarding what you were trying to discuss. Sorry!
ETA: I know nothing about infant AP. It’s interesting that you state that the baby would be forced into certain compliances, but then as the children grow older they seem to do what they want when they want (from my limited observations anyway).
Is it weird that I let my kid wear what she wants?
From when she was about 3, we’d go to H&M or wherever, I’d tell her we needed leggings or a dress or whatever and she’d pick. Now she’s older we usually pick a colour scheme for the season so that everything mixes and matches.
I have some rules.
No black
No slogans
Nothing that has to be dry cleaned
Beyond that, if she’s clean and covered I don’t really care.
In my experience, going out without a sweater or hat once or twice is enough to teach a valuable lesson about wrapping up when it is cold.
I figure life is too short to fight with my child about what colour t-shirt she wears.
No. Not weird at all, within reason, of course. One thing we’re “weird” about are bikinis. We do one-pieces. Shit. That makes me sound like Michelle Duggar when I say it out loud…
My two oldest attend a private school, so 5 out of 7 days a week The Man tells them what to wear and I’m not the bad guy, haha.
My third daughter, 4-years-old, picks out the craziest getups. She’s a big fan of leg warmers and will wear them with shorts, pants, skirts – you name it. Her favorite are these neon colored argyles. So you can imagine what that looks like. She’s also big into layering.
One of my twins wears “fake” glasses nearly every day. She wishes she needed glasses and likes the way they look, so she owns 20+ non-prescription fancy glasses that she coordinates with outfits.
And I agree with you on the outside wear. We live in NY. You think just a hoodie will do on a day like today? Go ahead, try it 😉
I’m with you with swimsuits.
Kiddo#1 has been told she can have a bikini when she has something to put in the top half.
It is one more piece of skin I don’t have to put sun block on, which is also a winner.
She wears a school uniform Monday to Friday 8-5, so if she wants to wear purple leggings , pink patent Doc Marten boots and a Star Wars t-shirt at the weekend, it is fine by me.
I love the rash guard swimsuits with long sleeves for both my son and my daughter. Putting sunscreen on impatient wiggling children is a tremendous bother, and a considerable expense.
Ditto here. We live far enough south that it’s practically the tropics, and the sun is INTENSE. Throw in fair skin and a fairly strong family history of skin cancer, and you get a strong ixnay on more extended skin exposure than is necessary around here. Plus, as you say, the sunscreen battle…ugh.
Too right. And it is really uncomfortable smearing those lotions on, I swear I sweat them off before they can do me any good.
My oldest son learned the cold weather clothing lesson when we lived in Fargo, ND. I’m surprised I didn’t get CPS called on me.
One thing on the two pieces to consider as the girls get older: Body Type!
I’m 5’8″ tall but wear petite jeans because I’m all torso. One day for fun a coworker, who’s exactly my height , and I stood next to each other and measured. My hips were a full 4 inches lower than hers, and she’s got an average body type (not leggy at all). Anyway, combine that with huge boobs, and one pieces not only didn’t work, but were physically painful and embarrassing to wear. They’d either pull down and expose my breasts or they’d give me the worst wedgie ever, even moving into “front wedgie” territory. These days they make great two pieces that cover up a lot, especially the kind they call “Tankinis”. They’re modest compared to a bikini, but not embarrassing or painful like a one piece is for me.
No black?
It is a personal thing.
I grew up in a house with a maternal grandmother who was the living embodiment of Miss Manners.
She had a thing about kids wearing black, therefore I have a thing about kids wearing black. Black is fine as an accent or a minor feature (and I do have a skeleton onesie that both kids wore as infants at Halloween) but not as the major colour. I know , it’s odd, but there you go.
The slogans thing is because I can’t deal with explaining why “born to shop” or “if Mummy says no, ask daddy!” is problematic to a toddler. Seriously, some of the stuff they put on kids’ clothing is not funny.
The dry clean only caveat is self evident.
I wasn’t allowed black as a child, my mother told me I would look like a greek widow. Also wasn’t allowed earrings, because that would make me look italian. Funnily, Mum is catholic, and one of my uni friends wasn’t allowed earrings as a child because they would make her look like a Roman Catholic. Life can be very confusing.
With you on the slogans. Horrible.
Ugh, the slogan thing makes me want to barf. Star Wars shirts, though, I am totally on board with, and it utterly delights me that the same Star Wars geekiness I was totally into as a little girl is now here again. Although I feel like an ass for not keeping all of my toys and shirts.
I wore purple as a little girl the way other people wore black. Once I got into the double-digit ages, I started to overdo black, and have gone back and forth since then trying to find the right balance…
“Funnily, Mum is catholic, and one of my uni friends wasn’t allowed earrings as a child because they would make her look like a Roman Catholic.”
I wasn’t allowed literal transubstantiation.
Today, point of fact, we had to buy a new sweatshirt and she opted for a navy one with X-wings and Tie Fighters on it from the boys section. My suggestion of a blue one with a rainbow on it from the girls section lost out to Star Wars. We then had to watch Empire Strikes Back when we got home.
Don’t know how we’ll handle teenage dressing, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. At the moment she’s confident enough to wear clothing that makes her happy, qand really, that is all I want.
child after my own heart 🙂
My best friends when I was little were Lebanese and had their ears pierced as babies, so I desperately wanted earrings.
My mother (largely because of aforementioned grandmother, who thought pierced ears were common) only had her ears pierced after I was born.
Therefore I had my ears pierced at an age my mother thought I’d be able to look after them (10).
Since nothing bad happened to me, my parents let my sisters get their ears pierced as soon as they asked to (7 and 9).
I still just have one set of pierced ears.
My sisters have pierced noses, multiple ear piercings and tattoos, which even my mother has grudgingly admitted suit them.
#1 hasn’t asked for earrings yet, so I’m just going to wait and see.
I had my ears pierced when I was a couple weeks old. In my teens I also got two more sets in my earlobes and several random piercings in the top of my right ear. In my 20’s I got my belly button pierced, and after I weaned my kids I pierced my nipples.
Piercing is not something I have an issue with. I do have certain boundaries with the boys, and since I’m pretty liberal about what they can and can’t pierce, they don’t push.
Ha! I have similar piercing history, but stopped at belly button (now gone thanks to pregnancy). I have sons, though, so they aren’t into piercing, at least not yet.
My daughter had her ears pierced at 12, first one was all good, she was not so sure about the second but held on and got through it. Given her pain tolerance, I don’t think any more piercings or any tattoos are in the future.
She’s already specified an elective cs with epidural for my grandchildren.
I had my ears pierced at the age of about 8. With my own daughter, I decided that she could get them pierced when she was able to pay for it herself.
My mother helped bring that about by giving her money for Christmas, but she had to manage them herself. If they are old enough to sit still for the piercing and keep the holes hygienic and patent, thy’re old enough to have earrings, imho.
Just wait until they’re teenagers. Some of the slogans are insane. I wanted to ban my 14 year old from wearing one particular shirt he got as a Christmas gift, but MrC overruled me (they’re not actually his kids, but I do take his opinions into account sometimes, and given that he’s an old fuddy-duddy, if he thought it was okay, then maybe I was just being too strict). Anyway, it’s a red shirt and in the same lettering as the Coca-Cola logo, it reads “vagina”. It’s an awful shirt, but MrC thought it was appropriate humor for a teen boy, so I let him wear it to casual places (not to school, etc.) That was my compromise.
On the other hand, the boys have some great t-shirts that I love. One has a picture of a t-rex in a row boat and says “Row, Row, Row your….Nevermind”. Another one says “How to pick up chicks” and shows a diagram of a stick figure guy using proper lifting posture to lift baby chickens. My personal favorite says “How to eat Kale: 1. Throw in trash. 2. Eat Pizza.
Did someone say slogans? 😀
I wish I could upvote that more than once.
Not a slogan, a statement of fact, and a pun at the same time.
Oooh! I want that one!!
I’m glad that joke isn’t too obtuse.
Right?
It just keeps getting better and better…
I haven’t had teenagers for years-mine are fully fledged adults these days!
Thankfully they both went to schools with v strict uniforms, and neither were too into the horrid stuff. There was a lot of surf wear around and most of it was fine. I probably would have not liked the tshirt you described. My husband would have had a fit if he’d seen that!
My daughter came back from NZ at age 14 with a tshirt bearing the slogan ‘Sweet as’, which I thought may have been a reference to oral sex that I would not have been happy to see her in, but her aunt (who took her to NZ) assured me that is an expression in every day use and not inappropriate. She still wears it now.
To be clear, I don’t like the shirt at all, but I gave in and allow him to wear it around the house and if he’s just hanging out with friends. He’s not allowed to wear it to school or in places where small children might be. He’s good about bringing a sweater if he’s going to a friends house so he can cover it up if somebody objects. As much as I hate it, I also figure there’s a whole lot worse things that can go in a tshirt, and this one isn’t worth the battle of an all out ban. I would never have bought it for him. Ironically, the person who did buy it was his girlfriend’s father.
The slogan for Virginia is, “Virginia is for Lovers.” I have to tell people that it is not a sexual reference but the idea that Virginia is for horse loves, beach lovers, etc.
I have a great need I didn’t know I had for that kale shirt.
That stuff smells the worst and somehow tastes worse than it smells!
I love some of the slogans. My mother, a former math professor, has a large quantity of Pi shirts. And a few ones with math references (sin(gerine)/cos(gerine) = tan(gerine) that I have found for her. My brother loves one I got him for his birthday last year: “Numbers that aren’t divisible by 2 are odd to me” and DS has a few that he enjoys: One has a T-Rex tipped forward on it’s nose and back legs and it says “T-Rex hates pushups” and one that has a celtic knot on it and it says “Train Hard, Fight Easy” in Gaelic.
I’m not opposed to slogan shirts, it really depends on the slogan. We mostly wear ours around the house, etc. Not to work or school.
The vast majority of the clothing my boys have worn to date were hand-me downs. Some had slogans on (we wouldn’t let them wear anything we found offensive) or the name of wherever the original person bought it. So they had some Disney t-shirts, for example, though we’ve never been, but since they just run around and get the clothing filthy and destroyed anyway, whatever.
I also have a thing about black on kids. It’s okay if they pick it, but I prefer it to be a minimal amount because I refuse to make them look like a mini-me.
You know what baby onesie slogan had me seeing red? “I’m mommy’s best friend”. NO. My baby is not my best friend, my baby is my kid. The baby might see me as its best friend until socialized, but holy crap it is not reciprocal! (I agree with you in general about slogans, also logos. I don’t like wearing them myself. Band tshirts somehow are a different story. As well as the “I *heart-made-out-of-headphones* music” tshirts I keep getting my son in every size. That one for sure is true for both kids.)
I did see one I loved: a little onesie that says, “Daddy loves me more than bacon!” for a newborn.
I admit there are some slogan things I wear/would wear to get a rise out of people and because some are just freaking hilarious.
I wish I could find it again but it was a maternity shirt with a D20 that had “Victim of a High Charisma Stat” or something like that on it. Also saw “Generation of 0 level human in progress,” “I’m the expansion pack,” and “I TCP/IP, but mostly IP.”
Some baby ones are funny like the bacon one too! Like “You will soon learn that your mommy is a nerd. One day I will teach you about Muggles, the One Ring, and the ways of the Force,” “I’m still in beta,” “Cutie π,” and “There’s a nap for that.”
We have a onesie that says n00b, which cracks us up. But also rarely gets worn. I’m too reluctant to put words on my babies, even if I chose it.
Absolutely agree about slogans. I prefer plain onesies and shirts for babies and kids. I don’t think a lot of the “cute” sayings on onesies are cute. The “all mommy wanted was a back rub” one really made me mad, did the person who bought it think I would really dress my child up in that and take them grocery shopping?
Nope, not weird at all. I’ve had the same approach with DS most of the time. HIs school (private) requires uniforms for the kids, so the weekdays are taken care of. Thursdays are dress uniform days, as they have all-school Mass that day. Ties are required. Other than that, I’m less of a hard ass about clothing than DH is. He wrestles and does BJJ, so he usually runs around in shorts, compression pants, rash guards or t-shirts, He likes the neon colors, so he looks like a highlighter most of the time.
As long as he is clean and the clothes are clean, I pretty much let him wear what he wants. If he makes a poor choice (no jacket, no socks, or clashing colors), he gets to deal with the consequences.
My child is NOT an extension of my person and I do my damnedest to not treat him as such.
Mine’s only just two, so I still pick 2 shirts and ask him which he wants.
My mother-in-law says she’s going to make the new baby a girly-girl. ugh. One thing if she’s into pleats, ribbons, and fru-fru when she’s bigger, but if she’s not, then hopefully Gramma will back off. *I* am not the least girly, what makes her think I’m going to put my future newborn into all these frilly, girly baby clothes she’s contemplating?
Because butt ruffles are so cute! Is the new one a girl, or is Gramma just hoping?
Confirmed on Wednesday in the anatomy exam. Everything else looks pretty good, too. 🙂 Well, except that they estimated her weight at 9 oz at 18 1/2 weeks. The doc who wandered in (presumably after looking over the pics) said I’ll probably have to come back later to keep an eye on her weight. (I’ve gained a pound or two, which isn’t bad considering we had 2 major holidays, 3 birthdays, and 3 extra potlucks.)
Congrats on baby girl! That is exciting. My daughter was measuring a week ahead at 20 weeks. I’m a little afraid to know how big she is now! Last OB visit I was measuring two weeks ahead but yesterday it was only one week ahead so we’ll see. I will probably have another US at some point for an EFW though.
Congratulations! Stay well and be kind to yourself.
I’m trying, but i have *the* worst cold. yuck. You know a sneezing attack is bad when you have to change your socks. 🙁 On the positive(?) side, I’ve been too sick to dwell on that which sets off my depression much.
I did the pick from these 2-3 items when my kids were toddlers. Trying to pick from more than that was just overwhelming for them, and meltdowns would happen because they couldn’t decide. I think they were in the range of age 4 before they could survey their entire wardrobe without having issues.
And I hate it when parents/grandparents try to force their own style on their kids. My rules are “does it fit within the school dress code?” for school days and slightly more relaxed for other days. That goes for hair too. This would explain why one of them has a five inch tall ginger “fro-hawk” as he calls it. I should dig up a picture…
Yesssssss. Pictures would be lovely! I want to know what this craziness called a fro-hawk is in ginger!
I had to chose between a more recent picture that shows the current height, but also shows he’s been lazy about keeping the side trimmed down, or an older picture, before it got as high as it was. This was from August.
http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn67/mmsw1/Mobile%20Uploads/1440840488_zpse564b90f.jpg
And apparently the picture is too big to just upload. So here’s option B.
My friend is a frilly grandma, the compromise is she has clothes for the babies that she dresses them in when they are with her (a day or two a week) and she is mindful of not overloading them with froufrou gifts the rest of the time.
I note as the kids get older they tend to prefer mum’s style to grandma’s, and my friend is being gracious about it as far as I can tell.
Sometimes, the urge to do all the pink cuteness can be overwhelming when the hormones hit you,
Same here, from a similar age. It makes life so much easier! My only rules are no dry cleaning, nothing too delicate, and no ridiculous cut-outs. (Why are these a thing on little girls clothes?)
Little girls clothes have taken a turn for the not great. My friend has an early blossomer aged 11, and is in a permanent state of anxiety about what to buy for her to wear. Not too kiddly, not too stripper. It’s very tricky.
It really is! I’m glad I can sew and have the time to do so. Might be something to look at since I think they’re only going to worse. Myer also has some nice cuts and fabrics, if she has a chance to hit up their sales.
Thanks, I’ll tell her.
It would be great to be able to sew, not going to work for my friend unfortunately. Maybe the 11 year old could learn. It will be back to school uniforms next week, but finding nice things for the rest of the time is a real challenge.
11 is a good age to learn, and we have the benefit of youtube tutorials now. (Makes learning so much easier!) My 9 and 7 year old want to learn too. I’m thinking of teaching them to iron on a lower heat first so they get used to keeping their fingers out of the way.
I learned all my advanced sewing skills and how to quilt entirely from YouTube. It really is a great resource. I am hoping to be able tomatoes some of my girls’ clothes because I can’t stand clothes that try to make girls into little women before they’re ready, a la Kardashian kids.
Should say “to make”. Haha. Autocorrect does make for some interesting sentences.
I learned from books and my mother, but that was well before YouTube. Mom started us sewing at 3 or 4 with those big plastic grid things, big plastic darning needles, and yarn.
I learned handsewing at 3-4 with a regular needle and thread, and highlighter dashes on material where the stitches went. It was because I was bored – taken out of kindy because ‘bonding’ – and my mother wanted me to sit quietly as she was pregnant. I really can’t imagine doing that with any of my kids, let alone leaving them to it.
I don’t have a problem with teaching kids how to do things along side me. My kids “helped” me work on my car (I gave them hand tools and the old parts from a previous repair and they happily took out and put in the bolts, screws, etc), “helped” me in the kitchen (I kept blobs of dough and extra rolling pins, for example, and they could roll it out to keep themselves occupied while I cooked). By the time they were mid-elementary school they even had some household skills like plunging a toilet and repairing small holes in drywall (extra putty knives and small cups of spackle keep them occupied and also make the job go by faster). Basically, anything I was doing, I tried to find a way to let them “help”. They loved it for the most part, and there are some pretty cool stories from when things went wrong.
Oh, I do that with mine too (unless I’m having me-time) but leaving a 3-4 year old with a sharp needle strikes me as irresponsible. I mean, I wasn’t given a hammer until I was 5 or so, and I was more supervised with that thanks to a schoolmate’s little brother smashing a toilet to bits while his mum was in the shower.
I gave the kids ratchets and sockets when they were as young as two. They were a little older by the time I gave them sharp stuff and hammers.
Though speaking of smashing toilets…
This is something I did. One of the boys had tried to flush a small toy ambulance. It got stuck in just the right spot so I couldn’t plunge it down, nor could I snake around it and pull it up. I decided to remove the toilet in order to lay it on it’s side and try to wiggle it out without gravity interfering. Of course the flange bolts were rusted down. That’s pretty typical. It’s not difficult to cut off flange bolts. A hack saw blade works well, though it needs to be just the blade because of the cramped space. An angle grinder also works, and is much faster, but you have to be careful because if you hit the porcelain, bad things happen. Of course I chose the angle grinder, and of course I accidentally hit the toilet in just the right spot to create and explosion of MythBusters quality. without any explosives. There were bits of busted toilet everywhere. It was embedded into the walls, the ceiling, out in the hallway. I was cleaning up bits of former toilet for months.
That is impressive!! I haven’t managed something that spectacular yet.
I did make a specialist with a reputation for being cranky laugh the other day. He asked how dropping things is going, I told him that it’s worse but I’m getting better at dodging and “Missed accidentally sinking a hatchet into my leg, that’s always a plus.”
It sounds like you and I should never be allowed to do a home repair project together.
On the bathroom issue: a couple months after that incident I decided that I was never going to get all the bits out of the walls and ceiling, and it was ugly from pulling the bits out and attempting to repair the resulting holes. I took the opportunity to rip the bathroom out; bringing it down to the studs and plumbing and doing the remodel I’d been wanting to do forever, but kept putting off for money/time. So in the end it was a positive thing.
You two need to start a reality show together!
That’s what I’m planning on doing to the downstairs bathroom, once we have the savings to do it properly. I’ll do most of the work, but I like to get a plumber in just to be on the safe side (that way insurance should cover it if something goes wrong)
Brava!
Were there any bits embedded in you or bystanders? I am high on ambition, low on motor skills, so am not allowed power tools by those who love me and value my limbs and didgits.
Thankfully I was wearing jeans and long sleeves while I was working, so there were only a few pieces embedded in my hands and face. There’s one scar still visible on my hands. I’m generally good with power tools. One of the things my father got right (as was pounded into his head by his mother, the airplane mechanic), is that there’s no reason girls can’t be skilled at “boy” things, like construction and auto mechanics. I learned how to do most home repair while working alongside my father in our home and in the rental houses he owned. Hurricane Andrew gave me a crash course in anything I didn’t already know how to do, as at the time they had 27 rentals in the area, we we kids (I was a high school senior at the time) were expected to help with the rebuilding. I’m by no means an expert, but I can deal with most things that happen around a house. I’ve spent the last couple years slowly taking care of some of the more neglected areas of this house, as MrC let parts of it get really bad during the years he lived alone in it (it’s 4300 or 4700 square feet, depending on what set of plans you believe…during the time between when his girls graduated from HS and when the boys and I moved in, he pretty much ignored most of the house. It was obvious what rooms he lived in and what rooms he pretended didn’t exist.)
The one thing I won’t do is electrical. I’ve shocked myself accidentally enough times that I just won’t try it anymore.
Pictures? 😛
Toddlerboy was “helping” me assemble the stool he got from Grandma. He had the small screw driver (nto the tiny one) and was “screwing” empty holes and screws that were already in place, mostly, but he did get a couple twists in on one of them.
There’s a large sewing group on FB called The Sewing Library. Everyone is really friendly and helpful; I’m just not sure if you can see it or not (I think its set to secret so people can share things they’re working on for presents without the recipient seeing) It’s also nice to see how indie patterns turn out, and just about everyone sews them.
I learned a bit in Home Ec, taught myself most of the rest, and google things I struggle with. The internet is such a great tool!
Unfortunately (or fortunately depending) I don’t have FB. I also have not really seen since DD was born, too busy! I hope when the girls are older I’ll have more time for it again. My mom taught me my basic sewing skills but you tube is responsible for learning beyond the basics. I hope at least one daughter will be interested to learn so I can teach her. I have nice memories of my mom teaching me.
You’ll get there! Life does get less busy eventually. My youngest starts daycare/kindy tomorrow, and I am really looking forward to having two days ‘off’ again, even though I’m studying.
Youtube is also great for teaching basic knitting, as well as more complicated stitches.
I can sew a straight line. Anything more complicated than that is out of my league. Well, actually, that’s not really true. I can hand stitch fairly decently, but don’t have the time or the patience to do anything complicated by hand.
I’m hoping they ease off that before my passenger is old enough to care about wearing her big brother’s hand-me-downs.
This is why I am glad that places like Carters are adding larger sizes and that my oldest is small for her age. I am hoping I can push that problem off until she is older.
I have a sister who’s 26 years younger than I am. My mother kept her in clothing more appropriate for a 5 year old until she was about 11 and I intervened. It wasn’t easy, but we did manage to find “trendy” clothes that were also modest. It took days of shopping and lots of tears, but we managed to find a complete new wardrobe that the child thought was cool enough and would also pass muster with our father (forget about pleasing my mother…if it’s not a burka, it’s slutty in her opinion). That was just a few years ago. Anyway, all that to say that it is possible to find clothes for the pre-teen set that are both trendy and age appropriate, but it takes a LOT of work.
Oh my gosh, I so hear you there. On the one hand, I don’t want to be a reincarnation of my mother: I wore uber-tight sports bras and boys’ clothes until I left home just to avoid the constant bitching about my daring to have grown–eek! The horrors! The immodesty!–boobs. On the other hand, my toddler doesn’t need a string bikini, either. (Aside from anything else, it looks perfectly ridiculous over a swim diaper.) And looking at the clothes for kids not much older than she, it’s only going to get worse…*groan*.
My mother is pretty much evil reincarnate, so my parenting philosophy is “What would my mother do? And then do the exact opposite.”.
My father is a little better, and is at least more reasonable on some things. When my youngest sister got her period for the first time I sat my father down for a discussion. It started with “do you know why quit dancing?” He gave me the party line my mother’s been parroting for years. I told him that wasn’t the case. She really quit dancing because my mother wouldn’t allow her to use tampons, and honestly she didn’t even know they existed, so it was too embarrassing to go to dance class during those weeks, and it was also too embarrassing to just skip that class on a regular schedule, so she just quit. He asked me how I handled it. I told him I stole quarters from him and bought tampons out of restroom vending machines. I knew about them because my girl scout leader taught us about them. This is relevant because youngest sister is a competitive swimmer. I ended the conversation imploring him to think about wether or not he wanted another daughter to quit something she loved over this issue. What followed that night was one of the biggest knock-down, drag out fights I’ve ever witnessed between my parents (I was staying with them for a little while…this sister is younger than two of my three kids, so I was an adult at the time). But my father won in the end, and I wound up having to teach the kid how to use tampons. Ugh. One of the reasons why I was happy to have only boys is because I’d never have to teach that particular lesson. How wrong I was.
Anyway, back to the original topic, it *is* possible to find cute, trendy, and age-appropriate clothes for girls, but it’s not at all easy. Steel yourself for days of frustrating shopping, but you can do it.
That’s how I parent too! If my parents would do it or condone it, I take a very critical look at it and do things differently.
I went through the tampon argument too, but it boiled down to “So, how much school do you want me to miss?” because I wasn’t allowed to go on the pill full time for period issues (makes you a slut) and a super pad didn’t last that long. At least with a super tampon and a pad back up, I could get through classes after the first 2 days.
“I wasn’t allowed to go on the pill full time for period issues (makes you a slut)”
Well, I’ll be buggered. I must have been a right proper tart!
Oh me too, because I *gasp* shave past my knees.
My mother’s approach of presenting me with about six brands of pad or tampon (wings, no wings, applicator, no applicator) to try out and tell her what I liked, a big box of painkillers and a hot water bottle, while horribly embarrassing at the time, was, in hindsight, probably a good thing.
My parents never said a word about what I chose to wear as a teen (and it was the mid nineties, so much of it was heinous), because my grandmother was always there to give the “darling, I know they say it pays to advertise, but that outfit isn’t what they meant” speech.
If I had girls, that would be the approach I would have hoped I would have taken. With my little sister, I told her there were options, and I’d just started her out with what I had, so if there was something she was uncomfortable with, talk to me and I’d help her find a more suitable product.
That’s pretty much what I did for the daughter, along with a tube of lube that my high school teacher sister in law suggested could be handy in the whole ‘working out tampons’ situation, which she sagely suggested be done at non-period time.
Ooh, nineties! I was a teen then, too, and at one point started to listen to heavy metal which lead to particular clothing choices. My parents and relatives still mention how I wore army boots everywhere and with every outfit. Looking back, my clothes were heinous indeed but parents let me wear almost whatever I wanted and I’m thankful for this – when else are you supposed to explore and experiment if not in your teenage years?
I have a theory that those who were young adults in the nineties, when they wore combat style boots and other ‘sensible’ shoes will have a much better time in their forties and older than those of us, including today’s young missies, who torture their feet in high heels etc. So many of my friends, early fifties now, have disastrous feet after years of shoe-related abuse.
Yeah, my mother’s generation and younger women often have distorted feet; adding to damage done by wearing high heels as such was lack of quality shoes during Soviet era (you wore what was in stores not what you would like or what your feet were comfortable with). I have large shoe size (US 11.5-12) and even if I wanted to wear something frivolous and high-heeled I simply don’t have that option so my feet are safe and comfortable in low-heels and sports shoes.
Do you speak Russian? I do!
I do, but not very well – my generation in general is not fluent in Russian unless they grew up with Russian friends.
I studied it at university, but I haven’t been able to use it much since. I got a new edition of my first year text for when I’m able to study a bit. It’s still there – it just needs some prodding.
My soon-to-be-born niece is already destined to be a heavy metal fan. That’s what her outit says! “I love heavy metal, just like Daddy!” She’ll have to wait for the armt boots, though… Perhaps her mom can buy her this first pair? After all, she was the one who bought the black outfit.
I was also a teen back then, and thank goodness for the 90s trend of giant clothing, because I was always trying to hide my body. First my boobs weren’t big enough, and by the time they were, I was still more comfortable in giant shirts because I was terrified of getting pit stains if the shirt touched my arm pits. Now I dress in clothes that fit.
I’m having a school flashback.
I don’t remember the feminine hygiene discussion, but I bet it probably went, “In this family, anything other than maximum absorption with wings is insufficient to deal with menstrual flow. Always carry ibuprofen on your person, and take two at the first sign of cramping.”
My mom just more or less plopped a cheap package of pads in front of us and let us read the directions. ‘Course I was 15, so anythign more detailed would probably have been mortifying.
Mom would only buy me pads, which I absolutely HATED to wear. It felt like I had a large bed pillow stuffed between my legs and it made walking and sitting pretty awkward. This was in the days before the thin/superthin pads, but at least they were beltless, so I didn’t have to deal with that nightmare. So, I started buying my own tampons out of my allowance money fairly early. However, after DS was born and I had the Mirena installed, I don’t have to deal with the period business anymore.
Between Mirena, Nexplanon, pregnancy and breastfeeding, the only periods I have had in the last 10 years have been when I was trying to conceive.
Also, menstrual cups FTW!
My mom let me choose whatever I wanted but strongly encouraged I give tampons a try because I’d likely be a lot happier. Fifteen years later I finally realized that, yes, once again Mom was correct. My husband is quite happy that he helped me find greater comfort on my period due to fun times off it.
I had to stay home from school the second day of my first period. The first day I thought I was dying. I fell to my knees in my at the end of choir in this horrific pain. Got home and saw blood and cried. I did not want this responsibility the day after turning thirteen!
I thought I’d be fine I wear a normal pad and not a non-super heavy duty maybe you should just wear diapers pad. Mom tried to gently warn me but I didn’t listen. Those videos you see in school said it’s only a few tableapoons the entire period! Waking up in a pool of your own blood like a stabbing victim changes your attitude reaaaaallly quick.
Mom took me to the store to grab any pads or tampons I wanted with her input as needed to have me try something until it worked. Didn’t enjoy tampons but didn’t like pads either but stuck with pads. Silly me.
But Mom didn’t sugar coat it lol. “Don’t listen to the videos in school. They’re lies for people like us. Welcome to being a woman. It sucks.” And then showed me how to not OD on ibuprofen. Women on that side if the family have the worst periods. My grandma says she remembers seeing her grandma standing by the stove and no matter how much padding was there, blood would still be running down her legs almost immediately after changing. Got on the pill at fourteen after Mom explained the family history of severe endometriosis on both hers and my dad’s side of the family so she wanted to know if there was anything they could do for me in case I had it too. My potential to have children was probably saved by which was at the time a rather embarrassing situation. But Mom knew she was Mom and not my super awesome bestie and sometimes you need to embarrass your daughter to keep her safe and healthy.
With my friends she had more fun because their periods were more minor. I had a friend I carpooled with before we had our licensed and she was talking about how she really needed to start learning to use tampons since her job was so physical but wasn’t looking forward to it.
Next day Mom handed her a brown paper bag with a box of tampons, a bottle of lube, and a small hammer with a lovely floral pattern on the headIhead. I believe my friend’s face looked like >:| when she saw what was inside. Mom cackcled the entire time. My friend was raised by her grandma so my mom felt sad that she would never experience the loving teasing of a maniacal mother. So she made up for it.
My cramps were (are) so severe that not long after we were married, my husband found me curled up in a ball on the kitchen floor, screaming. My doctor finally clued in that I needed a BC pill that would stop my periods completely. When I was a kid in high school, I remember being in a class, and I could barely walk, but I had to not show I was hurting. Home Ec class, so walking around was normal. Owww. My lab partner was a guy…
My mom was the same way! (A cat or dog, curled up on the lap, makes a great alternative to a hot water bottle.)
Egads. Your mother sounds a lot like mine, and that’s *not* a compliment.
FWIW, in my case, I did know about the existence of tampons. I once had to go swimming as a young teen with a group of siblings/homeschool “friends” (I detested them) while on my period. I knew better than to tell my mother I wanted to use a tampon, and I also knew that if I told her I was on my period, she’d make me stay out of the water and sit with her and the other mom, leaving me to explain to the several teenage/preteen boys in the other family why I was sitting out. HELL NO. So, I stole a couple of quarters from her purse, and while we were changing in the women’s changing room, snuck them into the dispenser, then turned the lever. Of course the damned thing made a huge racket in dispensing the tampon, so I had to pretend that I slipped and hit it. Then I put it in, which hurt a LOT, but didn’t realize you had to take out the cardboard applicator afterwards, which didn’t exactly help the comfort level. Finally, I was worried someone might see the string while I was changing or something, so I yanked it out while I was pulling my swimsuit off…and if you’ve ever pulled out a mostly-dry tampon, you’ll have some idea of how fun that was.
Long story short, good on your dad!!! And I fully intend to have both pads and tampons (easily-applied ones at that, thankyouverymuch) available for DD when the time comes, and no doubt embarrass her terribly by explaining their use. Fortunately, I should have another decade or so to go–sadly, not the case with clothes…
When one of my daughters, now 17, was a pre/early teen she dressed to impress her young boy friends – skimpy little boob tubes, mini, mini shorts and tons of makeup. One day, as she was leaving to go out, I gave her a kiss and hug goodbye and said “when you dress that way just remember it’s not only the young boys who are checking you out. It’s their dads, their uncles and their grandfathers.
Not in the text books on parenting for the new millennium, and no award for mother of the year but her dress code began to change from that moment.
how about nothing written across the butt? especially “juicy” or “score” or “pink”…. especially for my 4yo daughter!!
as for getting nice things at a reasonable price, I really like yard sales/goodwill/value village/consignment shops, and of course trading and passing it on among friends. I’m always keeping an eye out for stuff for the next few years’ sizes. then I keep the cutest stuff in a few bins in the laundry room and the kids have stuff to grow into that is good quality but costs a fraction of even what the less-nice stuff costs new…. I’m also lucky to live in a major metropolitan area with lots of second-hand shopping options, but eBay has some good finds too for those who don’t…. 🙂
“Juicy,” “score,” or “pink.”
If you’ll excuse me, I need to go stab a fashion designer right about now. *snarls viciously*
If no one bought it, no one would make it. Somewhere out there are children dressed in this stuff. I don’t see them, but they must exist.
Are they pedophiles?
If not, they’re encouraging the sexualization of children. Unless I’m missing something, I don’t think there’s any other way but a “sexy” way to take the word “score” written across a four-year-old’s butt. Ew to the ew to the ew ew ew.
Four years old????????? *ewwwwwwwwwww*
My thoughts exactly. 😉
I’m just curious, but why not black?
I see what you are saying, and yes, there certainly are some very permissive AP families out there! I agree with you, that kids can’t handle that level of autonomy (like deciding when to go to bed, or what the consequences of wrong-doing should be). I didn’t do AP, but I know people who did, and insisted on doing things “by the book” even if the method wasn’t really ideal for the family. One mom I knew set up a bedtime routine so complicated that no one else, other than mom or dad, could put that kid to bed for at least 5yrs. And Bugsy above, says her infant hates being in the Ergo–but she doesn’t believe that the baby NEEDS to be worn, so she does without it. But there are parents who would force it.
Dare I say it, my kid preferred the taste of her formula to the donor breastmilk we were given by a friend. Oh the horror!
My #2 is ten weeks old today, and detests the Ergo. I was hoping to use it for my own sanity, but kiddo prefers the car seat right now. Hey, at least I’m building up my muscles lugging that darn thing around.
Try a different kind of carrier like a Moby. Ergos style baby carriers are better for larger babies and toddlers.
My first thought the moby was evil incarnate. He couldn’t look at *anything*
Hey now, even if you think “18” was too similar to “Play,” surely he’s not _that_ bad… 🙂
huh?
Bad pun on “Moby”
As in the singer? I’m not particularly familiar with either the singer or the novel.
Ya, the singer. Moby Dick has some great bits, though.
I was a much happier baby when I learned to walk and talk at nine months. Not being able to communicate or get to where I wanted on my own was very frustrating apparently. I screamed almost non-stop until I acquired those skills. I was still a champion cuddler but it was on my terms.
Being worn would have probably driven both my parents and I completely insane.
Some babies need to be reminded to breathe.
Yep…my AP friend was a firm believer in respecting the child, 100% of the time. Until he wasn’t interested in her boobs anymore. Then it became a matter of “dear son, mama’s making milk for you” non-stop. I guess he needed to be educated in being the proper AP child.
Of course, Caesar was subsequently assassinated by a group of folks born vaginally.
(Only on SkepticalOB can you get a reference to Brutus’s mother’s vagina)
Servilia, she was kind of a c–t, anyway, if we can trust the history.
LOVE THE PIC!!!!!
“Peace on Earth Begins with Birth” is such a stupid and nonsensical statement. It means literally nothing. I swear the NCB-types like it because it sounds vaguely spiritual, it fits easily on a meme-sized picture, and it rhymes.
I don’t even know what that means.
Me neither. It’s like the underpants gnomes approach to achieving world peace. Step 1: Have a “peaceful birth,” Step 2: ??, Step 3: World Peace!
I don’t understand what it means either. I (accidentally!) had a natural birth. It was the least peaceful birth I ever had. I screamed my fucking head off. With my cesareans and epidural births, I was quite peaceful…
It reminds me of the “hurt people hurt people” statement. There’s definitely something to be said for the idea that people with low self-esteem will tear others down to make themselves feel better. But many well-intentioned individuals unwittingly hurt people, too. In fact, I’d wager that there’s probably not a person alive who hasn’t been hurt in some way. We get hurt, it’s the way of the world.
Or who have hurt someone. I’m the first to say that I have unwittingly hurt people.
Wasn’t that a Depeche Mode song? People hurt people, so why should it be….
It was on their Songs of Sadomasochism Live album in the early 90s. I’m more of a fan of their 80s work.
It IS nonsensical, isn’t it?
Without birth, there would be no mammals. There would be no internet. There would be no rhymes. No memes. No bumper stickers, even.
So much for the miraculous immunity provided by the Amazing Technicolor Breastmilk. Didn’t help many people during the Black Death and just look at how it didn’t protect the Native Americans from the diseases brought by the Europeans. If it is *instantaneously* imbued with *just the right* antibodies when the mother comes within 20 miles of a disease/sickness, then how did so many die? Substandard mothering through breastfeeding, I guess…
I work in epidemiology, so the #1 thing from the lactivist camp that drives me bat shit crazy is the, “your baby gets your antibodies from breast milk so it can’t get sick.”
They think that the baby actually swallows these things and that they somehow enter the bloodstream, identify a hyper-specific invader, and shoot said invader to death with little laser beams. They *truly* believe the body can actually do this. Mom is sick? Just nurse away! Then the baby won’t be able to get the illness.
No. Wash your freaking hands and practice good hygiene. And get a little lucky.
I don’t work in epidemiology, and I would think common sense would suggest that the anitbodies would break down in the stomach acid. Sort of like those magic antioxidants in blueberries.
In a milk-fed infant, the antibodies have some effect, although less than many people believe and mostly in the gut. But by the first birthday, yes, those wonderful antibodies are just protein.
They also don’t get that passing on passive immunity with pre-made antibodies to “build up little Johnny’s immune system” actually works in the opposite way – having circulating antibodies pre-made can stop you creating your own.
Yep. How could all those breast-fed, unimmunised, whole-foods eating, non-GMO people fall vulnerable to all those plagues over the milennia?
Lizzy Borden, though widely considered probably guilty, was acquitted.
LOL