Soliciting nominations for the Golden Boob Awards

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The shaming of mothers who don’t breastfeed has got to stop. Maybe, it’s time to shame the shamers.

I hereby solicit nominations for a new set of awards, the Golden Boob Awards!

I’m envisioning awards in several categories:

Most outrageous breastfeeding “fact” (amateur)
Most outrageous breastfeeding “fact” (professional)
Most vicious attempt at shaming (amateur)
Most vicious attempt at shaming (professional)
Grand Prize for most despicable claim (both amateurs and professionals are eligible)

The winner of the Grand Prize will receive the tasteful statuette shown above, (available from Amazon UK as a party decoration for bachelor and bachelorette parties).

Please share your suggestions for nominees along with the statement or statements that you think qualify them for this prestigious award. Screen caps would be deeply appreciated.

In my view, the shamers, both amateur and professionals, truly are boobs and their contributions to breastfeeding discourse ought to be honored appropriately!

  • Monkey Professor for a Head

    A bit late, but I’d like to nominate Pete Evans, an Australian celebrity chef. Last year he was banned from releasing a paleo cookbook for babies because the recipe for homemade baby formula (made from bonebroth and liver) was dangerous to babies. This is the kind of crap that happens when you demonise formula.

    http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/babies/pete-evans-paleo-cookbook-for-mums-and-babies-under-fire-again/news-story/4bb074a100b8cf979e6d16f73de50a98

  • The Bofa on the Sofa

    OT: had the dental implant put in this morning. Once again, the dentist never even asked if I wanted pain relief.

    • Bugsy

      Your poor tooth. Imagine how much more successful and attached it would be if you went the all-natural route.

      • The Bofa on the Sofa

        To be technical, it’s actually a “non-tooth.” That’s the problem, and why the implant is needed…

    • MaineJen

      Pssssh. Did you even TRY the breathing techniques?

    • Sarah

      Presumably you were already in the pool though?

      • The Bofa on the Sofa

        I resisted the temptation to live tweet it, but I did take a picture of the x-ray showing the implant in place

  • OttawaAlison
    • fiftyfifty1

      Thanks for this link. Unbelievable! I see that Dr. Tuteur has already replied. Clearly Dr. Narvaez wins the Golden Boob award.

    • Anne Catherine

      OMG…
      I saw that yesterday –How she gets that stuff published I will never know. I wanted to comment but didn’t even know where to begin.. I’m glad Dr T. made a comment–I don;t have time to read it now, but I’m sure it’s goo.

      Clearly a GB winner.

    • Who?

      It’s extremely concerning that a professor of anything (let alone psychology) would take such a petulant and judgmental tone.

    • Sarah

      Ooh, it really burns these people up that breastfeeding is actually optional, doesn’t it? I bet Darcia can’t sleep at night thinking of all those women choosing what to do with their breasts and using them in a way she doesn’t want them to. I’ve seen so many blogs, Facebook posts etc all trying to find a way to get round the fact that women in industrialised countries actually do have a choice, and formula is a choice, and breastfeeding is a choice. So much over-analysis, intellectualising, contortions.

      My youngest and last is about to come off formula, as she’s now old enough not to need it. Stuff like that makes me feel I’m actually going to miss it. Darcia darling, I’ll raise the next bottle to you.

    • Megan

      IMO, the most disgusting part:

      “Those who argue against breastfeeding may also lack motherly feelings due to experienced trauma, inherited epigenetic effects of trauma from their mother, or medical interference through baby-mother unfriendly practices that undermine bonding. “

  • Sarah

    Can we have one for most thinly veiled racial and/or class prejudice disguised as breastfeeding promotion? Dr Becky taking an early lead in that category, I feel.

  • D/

    How about a media bandwagon category?

    (CBS) Does bottle-feeding produce brats?

    “A new study by British scientists shows that babies who are breast-fed for at least four months are less likely to develop major behavior problems in childhood. They’re also less likely to lie or steal or to be anxious or hyperactive …

    … Giving all the benefits that breasts have over the bottle, a woman who chose to bottle-feed would have to be a real boob, right?

    Breast-feeding expert Janet Fyle, of the Royal College of Midwives, said “We must not send a negative message to mothers that they have failed, or make them feel guilty because they bottle-feed their babies.”

    But moms who bottle-feed may get the message in another way – via their kids’ bratty behavior.”

    http://www.cbsnews.com/news/does-breast-feeding-prevent-bratty-behavior/

    • Sarah

      Because there’s no way that children from low income backgrounds, who are more likely to be formula fed, could possibly be more likely to be diagnosed with hyperactivity, or have their behaviour problematised generally. Class prejudice is not a thing!

      • Roadstergal

        Or, you know, go to schools like someone linked here recently, with fungus growing on the walls and rats in the classrooms. That would lead to no behavioral problems whatsoever.

        “Giving all the benefits that breasts have over the bottle, a woman who chose to bottle-feed would have to be a real boob, right?”

        Is it bratty to say ‘fuck you, you fucking fucks?’ I must have been bottle-fed.

        • D/

          Yep, it’s bratty. And I share your sentiment.

          Me? I was bottle-fed … after being delivered in the fog of twilight sleep, in fact. ^^That ^^ must be my problem, not fucking-nobody fucks unloading more unnecessary breastfeeding crap to slog through every day.

  • CSN0116

    OT: I mentioned some blog posts back that we are having an issue in my school district with making proper accommodations for pumping moms. We also have employees being little assholes and mocking/harassing some of these moms (don’t get me started). I am pitching a revised, and much more comprehensive, policy to the policy board tomorrow morning. But I’d really like some feedback on my first draft of it. The top portion is very much law-related, but with some additions. The bottom (discrimination) is what I really need to nail down with very clear and all-encompassing language. Your thoughts would be very appreciated! (And it’s a policy, so it can be as long as humanly possible LOL, go wild!)

    Policy (#6550): Nursing Mothers

    The “X School District” supports a mother’s right to choose how she wishes to feed her infant. If that choice includes the decision to continue to provide breast milk for the infant upon returning to the workplace, the District is committed to the following:

    The District shall provide reasonable unpaid break time or permit the use of paid break time or meal time each day to allow an employee to express breast milk for her nursing child for up to three (3) years following child birth. The District shall make reasonable efforts to provide a room or other location in close proximity to the work area where the nursing mother can express milk in privacy.

    Reasonable unpaid break time is generally no less than twenty (20) minutes and no more than thirty (30) minutes dependent upon the proximity of the designated location for expressing breast milk. In most situations, the District is required to provide unpaid break time at least once every (3) hours if requested by the employee. At the employee’s option, the District shall allow
    the employee to work before or after her normal shift to make up the amount of time used during the unpaid break time(s) so long as such additional time
    requested falls within the District’s normal work hours.

    The District shall provide written notice to all employees who have placed a notice of impending maternity leave with the Office of Human Resources of their right to take unpaid leave for the purpose of expressing breast milk once they return. Such notice will be provided individually to affected employees.

    Any employee wishing to avail herself of this benefit is required to give the
    District advance notice, preferably prior to her return to work, to allow the
    District an opportunity to establish a location and schedule leave time to
    accommodate employees as needed.

    The District and all of its employees therein shall not discriminate against an
    employee who chooses to express breast milk in the workplace.

    Discrimination includes, but is not limited to: (1) breeching any of the abovementioned accommodations; (2) harassing a nursing mother; (3) mocking a nursing mother; (4) intimidating a nursing mother; (5) going out of your way to make a nursing mother’s milk expression unnecessarily complicated or stressful.

    • demodocus

      But teachers aren’t even supposed to take pee breaks!

    • KeeperOfTheBooks

      The only thing that comes to mind is this: if moms who are teachers get pumping breaks (as they should!), who covers their classes while they do so? Is it possible that some of the flack they’re getting is because other teachers are being asked to handle their own classes plus another teacher’s classes simultaneously 2-3x/day?
      Just an idea, you understand, and it still wouldn’t make it even remotely acceptable to harass those moms if what I suggest is the case.

      • CSN0116

        I get what you’re saying, but the woman being most brutally harassed was a secretary. They were mad that their former coffee room became a pump room. Altering a teaching schedule is why we’re asking the new mom to give proper notice before returning; it’s also why we’re allowing her to use time outside of her typical schedule to make up lost time. I.e. she can pump during a “planning time” and lose out on “planning” but be permitted to stay 30 minutes later to make up for it. There are ways around it. WE have aids, block scheduling, etc. But I do understand your point πŸ™‚

        • KeeperOfTheBooks

          That sounds perfectly reasonable! Forgive the silly question, but the school district I attended was *tiny*–like preK-12 all in the same building, and the elementary teachers didn’t really get a break except at lunch, when they’d rotate lunch duty. No aids except for the one or two special ed kids. I can quite see that in a bigger district (and to be fair, I expect that 99% of districts *are* bigger than that!) accommodations could be made rather more easily than what I was imagining.

          • CSN0116

            Np πŸ˜‰ My district serves roughly 7000 students in 9 buildings. We can accommodate. (I am an elected trustee on the board of education, trying to clean up this mess, ironically I also exclusively formula feed/fed 5 kids lol)

  • Bugsy

    Breastfeeding Mama Talk definitely deserves an award. I looked at the Milk Meg as well, but frankly it’s nothing compared to the patronizing nonsense that used to come out of my activist friend’s mouth. Can I nominate my friend for a silent golden boobie award instead?

  • PrimaryCareDoc

    In the Professionals category, I’d like to nominate the “Formula Feeding Consent” form that Fraser Health system in B.C. made new moms sign, so that they knew how much they were endangering their children.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2014/08/26/breastfeeding-contract_n_5717213.html

    • Roadstergal

      This.

    • TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsYoya

      I’d heard about this form but thought it was only BC women’s handing it out. They claim it’s not a contract, but then why are they asking new moms to sign it? What a bizarre practice. I would never sign such a document and would tell them to get it the hell out of my sight.

  • Charybdis

    Perhaps add the subcategory “Public” and “Private” to the “Most Vicious Attempt at Shaming” category?

    And a “Best Supporting Shame” category for those who will agree with/parrot the main offender’s party line, no matter how absurd it is.

  • SporkParade

    What’s the dividing line between amateur and professional? I want to know what category the hospital nurse who bullied me out of supplementing with formula falls into.

    • Anne Catherine

      I would say professional…

  • Monkey Professor for a Head

    I’d like to nominate anyone who says they don’t have to vaccinate because they breastfeed. Because of course no one ever died of a vaccine preventable disease prior to the invention of formula *eyeroll*

  • Anne Catherine

    Here is another one for the category: outrageous breastfeeding ‘facts’
    This is from HHS at womenshealth.gov
    http://www.womenshealth.gov/itsonlynatural/addressing-myths/myths-in-the-african-american-community.html

    “Myth: You need to supplement, because your baby seems hungry or is crying all the time.”
    (Fact) “When you breastfeed on demand, your baby stays satisfied……
    Trust that your breast milk provides all the nutrients, protein, and
    hydration your baby needs for the first six months of life. No
    supplements or cereal is needed. (Note: If your baby is crying excessively for hours and you are not able to comfort him or her, it could be a sign of colic. Check with your baby’s doctor or nurse.)”

    • Petanque

      I checked with my midwife and the breastfeeding association (more fool me!) and they both told me to keep trying to breastfeed.

    • Erin

      A friend of mine had her baby admitted to the Children’s hospital at 9 days old severely dehydrated because the Community Midwife told her that she was producing enough breast milk and to keep putting cold cloths on her breasts. Unfortunately said cold cloths couldn’t fix her hormonal issues (PCOS) and her baby lost a quarter of her birth weight in 9 days.

    • The Computer Ate My Nym

      You’ve got to be kidding me. Even in the best of circumstances, breast milk is low in iron and vitamin D and purely breast fed infants are at risk for deficiencies. And that’s not in a malnourished mother or a mother with production problems, that’s just a totally normal healthy woman making totally normal breast milk in adequate quantities.

    • Valerie

      That website is the worst. I was super annoyed that they didn’t include withdrawal in their birth control fact sheet (except a condescending bit in their FAQ), despite its statistical effectiveness being far better than nothing (and better than several methods listed). It’s the same attitude with breastfeeding- they don’t share information to educate and allow women to decide what is best for themselves. They pick and chose “facts” to include to trick or shame people to behave in ways that they think are universally better.

      • Anne Catherine

        I agree!!
        And this is our government–and our tax dollars and these are well educated people making these websites etc. It just drives me crazy–I’ve written to them and talked to them about this a bunch of times –they know the research on low supply-dehydration–(and the benefits–or lack thereof) nothing changes!! Just don’t get what the point is!

  • Rachele Willoughby

    It’s so hard to choose. Does anyone still remember MilkMeg and her militia of crazies?

    • AirPlant

      OH GOD. I hate-read her on a regular basis. You can always tell when something particularly insane is about to come out because first she will post something like “I support ALL feeding choices! Your worth as a mother is not just in breastmilk!” and then the next day it is all “Formula fed babies will never know love or peace, so choose wisely!”

  • D/

    Most vicious shaming- professional:

    Kathy Dettwyler
    “There is a simple solution to the conundrum of women who know ahead of time that they don’t want to breastfeed. Don’t have children. No one is forcing you to have children. If you don’t have the time, energy, and commitment to breastfeed, then please don’t get pregnant.”

    • CSN0116

      OMG! Surely this is for shock value attention? Nobody *actually* thinks this. So, according to her, my five children were better off never born. Some of the most miraculous people to walk the earth – the brilliant scientists, the best teachers, fearless military persons, religious leaders – could have never been breast fed. We would be better off without all of their contributions? This shit is so whacky it’s laughable.

      • D/

        Unfortunately, I think you are very mistaken about what she thinks πŸ™ And I doubt she recognizes any viciousness in her “simple solution” … She did, after all, say please.

      • LaMont

        Well, they may be brilliant, but this is the same woman who declared with finality that they *are inferior* to the fantasy hypothetical people they OUGHT TO HAVE BEEN had they been breastfed.

    • CSN0116

      And I never experienced a “conundrum.” Just knew I wasn’t interested. Is the conundrum part a pre-requisite for which I was not aware?

      Also, checked out her FB and she is like so far left leaning than my uni sociology professor pales in comparison. Shit. How can she be so wicked to women and female bodily autonomy?

      • Azuran

        I just checked. The very first post is about how we should breastfeed babies every single freaking hour. wow.

        • CSN0116

          Cuz it’s totally normal…

          Fucking shoot me. Well then, Kathy, note that fancy fact as reason #57789274398 why I never breastfed.

    • Anne Catherine

      I think that Kathy is definitely deserving of a prize

    • Commander30

      I hope I never meet this woman, because the urge to shove a cactus up her ass is frighteningly strong.

    • Sarah

      Which world does she live in where nobody is forcing any woman to get pregnant?

  • YesYesNoNo

    That post a few months back on Dr. Amy’s page where that tool “mansplains” what breasts are for…

  • BeatriceC

    May I nominate the random woman in Walmart who told me it was obvious I didn’t love my kids by the fact my youngest was eating out of a bottle? That should go in the most vicious shaming by an ammeter category.

  • Inmara

    Not sure if I’ll be able to translate the casually insulting tone properly but my nominee in unprofessional shaming attempt is male instructor of antenatal class: “What kind of mother are you if you’re not breastfeeding?” Class was full of first time moms-to-be and their partners.

  • DelphiniumFalcon

    May I suggest the Most Liberal Interpretation of Anatomy, Physiology, and Biology for the dumbasses that say post radical mastectomy women should try to lactate out of their armpits?

  • CSN0116

    On the big name mommy sites, like Baby Center, women already grant themselves these boob awards. They place bronze, silver, gold, and even platinum boobies in their siggy lines to publicize how long they breast fed. It’s like an identity badge of some sort.

    • crazy grad mama

      Good point. They consider the Golden Boob award to be a GOOD thing. πŸ˜›

      • Who?

        I fear this is so. Perhaps an adjustment to the trophy? Aren’t boobs (or boobies) a kind of bird?

        Could the trophy be a pair of not very attractive looking examples of such birds? Not so good for this purpose if they are majestic like a raptor, but otherwise might be okay?

        I can hear Dr Smith calling the robot a ‘bubble headed booby’.

        • crazy grad mama

          The blue-footed boobie is indeed my very favorite bird species name. They look sufficiently goofy for the task, I believe.

          • BeatriceC

            Yeah, but it’s kind of an insult to the birds.

        • Amy M

          Well, I have heard the word “boob” used to mean “idiot” or “daft.” Like: Don’t be such a boob, formula fed children will not grow second heads.

        • Roadstergal

          Blue-footed boobies are goofy looking birds that will peck the brains out of a weaker sibling. Some parallels to the vicious pseudo-Darwinism of lactivists.

  • Anne Catherine

    This is from the Florida Department of Public Health

    http://www.floridahealth.gov/%5C/programs-and-services/wic/breastfeeding/_documents/breastfeeding-best.pdf

    “Breastfeeding helps your child’s facial structure develop correctly and can help your child look more attractive” !!

    • fiftyfifty1

      Well that entire WIC poster is full of falsehoods, but I agree that the “more attractive” argument is a particularly ridiculous one!

      • Who?

        Everyone thinks their own child is gorgeous anyway.

        Perhaps there should be a sub-award for the person who can pick the breastfed 6 month old, 3 year old, 10 year old and 21 year old out of lineups? (Any category could of course-and in the case of the last two, for the sake of the mental health of all concerned certainly should-be ‘formerly breastfed’).

        • BeatriceC

          Better yet, pick the breastfed adult.

          • namaste863

            Please tell me you’re kidding. Please tell me that’s not a thing. Shudder.

          • Inmara

            It is, you can google it if you dare. I once watched TV show (on TLC, where else?) about this and all involved parties looked genuinely happy (except for husband of this woman who sent her breastmilk by mail and met with her clients in person at home).

          • BeatriceC

            One of the absolute non-negotiable attitudes in the kink world is YKINMK: Your Kink is Not My Kink. As long as everything is between consenting adults, one simply doesn’t judge another’s kink. You can say “it’s not for me”, but you don’t bash the other person for it. There’s all kinds of kinks out there ranging from pretty mild to “is that even a thing?” kind of weird to those who don’t enjoy the activity.

          • Who?

            There was a fab skit on Little Britain in which David Walliams breastfed from his mother, played by One of Those British Actresses with the instantly recognisable face.

            Hilarious and deeply uncomfortable all at once.

            Love Little Britain.

          • BeatriceC

            Nope. Not kidding at all.

          • Charybdis

            Nope. It is a thing.

    • crazy grad mama

      There’s also this page of nonsense from the New Jersey Department of Health, pointed out by another commenter a while back:
      http://nj.gov/health/fhs/wic/breastfeedingbenefits.shtml

      It includes such gems as:
      – “Breastfeeding emphasizes the purpose of the breast.”
      – “Better jaw and teeth formation.”
      – “Better eye coordination.”
      – “No energy is used.”
      and, in an utter misinterpretation of association and causation,
      – “Breastfed babies are less likely to be victims of child abuse. In societies with high breastfeeding rates, there is closer mother-infant bonding and less child abuse.”

      • DelphiniumFalcon

        No energy is used? Holy shit! We’ve somehow discovered a way to transfer energy from one form into another without loss! Or are they generating their own energy?!

        Screw the healthy baby thing, lactating women are a wonder of physics! Why aren’t we studying this?!

        • Allie

          Like a bunch of breastfeeding babies could power a super accurate nuclear clock? Or perhaps a Prius : )

        • Linden

          That “No Energy used” is the devaluation of women’s time and work, right there. How blatant can you get?
          Laydeez, your exhaustion does not count. Plus, you want to lose weight and get into your pre-pregnancy jeans asap, amirite?

          • LaMont

            If they’re saying breastfeeding can help one lose weight, that’s a pretty broad admission that it DOES use energy, FWIW.

        • guest

          No energy used is just so laughable. My 35 week preemie was too weak to breastfeed at first. The *bottle* used less energy for her.

        • An Actual Attorney

          Yes, folks, the second law of thermodynamics even applies to breastfeeding. In fact, all of them do.

      • Deborah

        So finally an explanation for the epidemic of buck toothed, cross eyed nymphomaniacs running around in my mother’s generation.

      • PrimaryCareDoc

        Wow. They’ve solved the energy crisis! We can replace fossil fuels with lactating women.

        • The Bofa on the Sofa

          I realize it is too much to ask to have them appreciate the contradiction, but note that breastfeeding means no energy is used, but at the same time it is a good way for new mothers to lose weight.

        • Sarah

          Dude, I don’t think much of some of the lactofuckwits, but burning them is a bit harsh.

      • Sarah

        Societies lacking the resources to document rates of child abuse definitely have less of it. That’s the only possible explanation.

      • YesYesNoNo

        My son’s first can….. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/036e2f117b72560775cded65e2899aea478241c62d0ad8a16ddcb6b04072fcde.jpg

        This pic is a joke, but I so want to post it with my favorite hashtag “titfaced.”
        Hate, hate that word..
        .

      • TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsYoya

        No…no energy is used?!

    • momofone

      This one might have some substance; my kid is extraordinarily gorgeous and has excellent facial structure. I’m sure it has nothing to do with my bias. πŸ˜‰

    • CSN0116

      Would love to see the compare contrast of an ugly formula fed baby versus an attractive breast fed one lol. Some public service announcement like:

      Do you want your child to look like this?! πŸ™
      Or like this? πŸ™‚

      Breastfeed or be ugly. Do it.

    • The Computer Ate My Nym

      Well, that’s an easy one to test. Take pictures of some breast and bottle fed babies and ask people to rate their attractiveness. Without knowing which was which or even why you’re asking, of course. My prediction is that the p-value will be around 0.8 for the difference and that the value could go in either direction. Then show the results to the FDPD and point out to them that the data say they are full of it.

    • Daleth

      My formula-fed twins are, if I may say so, absolutely gorgeous. Several people have suggested quite seriously that we get them into modeling. So give me a shout if anyone is putting together a portfolio of formula-fed vs. breastfed babies on this topic…

    • Angharad

      So much for pumping. My daughter got 99% of her nutrition from bottles, either formula or expressed breastmilk. She’s beautiful just the way she is.

    • cookiebaker

      They’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel for pro-BF arguments. Your baby will be more attractive?!?

      My 3rd child and my 6th child look exactly alike as babies, both adorable blue-eyed, happy little girls. One was breastfed (never a drop of formula EBF) and the other is currently being bottle fed the cheapest generic formula from SAM’s.

      They still look exactly alike.

    • Sarah

      I suppose that might explain my exquisite cheekbones. Not so much how I managed to pass them down to my formula fed offspring, though. I wonder if perhaps there might be another causative mechanism at work here?

    • Roadstergal

      Oh, yes, bottles cause the failure of facial structure to develop properly. Like casts cause broken bones.

  • CSN0116

    This one comes from a professional, per se. She identified herself, online, as a certified lactation “counselor”. A woman posted in a forum stating that the inevitable early arrival of her twins was just days away. They would be born around 33 weeks and the mother was concerned about her milk not coming in quick enough to sustain the babies. Mom stated that a gracious friend had offered to temporarily supply her own breast milk to the premature twins. Mom said she was really weirded out by that, but wanted opinions regarding accepting the offer or not.

    Amongst the “tears, that is so sweet of your friend!” and “what an amazing woman to do such an amazing thing!” there was *this* gem from the “lactation counselor”:

    “That sounds like such a wonderful idea! Plus, that way your babies will be getting TWO sets of antibodies – one from you and one from your friend – making them even HEALTHIER!”

    I would like to formally nominate this genius for “most outrageous breastfeeding fact (professional)”. Thank you πŸ™‚

    (By the way, zero discussion of pasteurization or the diseases that can live and be spread via untested breast milk, thus making her premature babies even sicker, if not dead. Nahhhhhh.)

  • fiftyfifty1

    No award for virtuosity in gaslighting?

    • demodocus

      That one’s just so hard to prove, but it’s so very important!

    • Amy Tuteur, MD

      We could certainly add it.

  • namaste863

    I’m pretty sure I saw a giant, inflatable version of that statue at the Elton John and the Red Piano show. Only it was hanging from the ceiling.

    • Petanque

      There’s always the multi-mammaried inflatable Skywhale too!