Just because you’re a “shit mom” for not breastfeeding doesn’t mean she’s judging you!


There are few things more fascinating that watching a Sanctimommy struggle to justify her sanctimony.

Yesterday I created a meme to explain to lactivists why their comments to women who formula feed are so very hurtful and posted it on Facebook.


Would you tell a woman struggling with infertility that it was easy for you to get pregnant?

Would you tell a woman who just had a miscarriage that she would have carried to term if she’d just tried harder?

The DON’T tell a woman who chooses formula that it is easy to breastfeed and she should have just tried harder,


The meme has been liked by hundreds and seen by tens of thousands. Clearly it resonated with women who feed their babies with formula.

Not surprisingly, the Sanctimommies are up in arms about pointing out their ugly sanctimony, and they’ve parachuted in to explain why they’re not judging formula feeders who they judge to be bad mothers.

The results are hilarious. There are apparently many, many ways to miss the point.

There’s whizzing right by the point:

You are comparing two things that are completely out of a woman’s control to something that she has almost complete control over. Stop comparing apples and oranges.

There’s walking right into the point, bouncing off it and failing to recognize it:

I really can’t believe someone would trivialize infertility or miscarriage to prove a false point.

There’s “my pain is worse than yours”:

…[T]o say that not having a child, or having a dead child, is the same as not being able to breastfeed is the worst possible summary.

There’s proving the point while missing it entirely. In response to #fedisbest:


There’s “I’m so not judging you for being a shit mom”:

Oh please no one ever shame [sic] women who CAN’T breastfeed but it definitely makes you a shit mom if you don’t even attempt to breastfeed.

And variations like:

…Unless you have a legit medical reason, I will always believe not breastfeeding is selfish.


Some women don’t even try to give their baby the nutrition that was designed for them! Yes, it’s hard and demanding, but with support you can push through. What did women do before formula? They wet nursed! Stop making everything about you and get over it. Women who are lactivists just want to help other moms because breastfeeding is freakin amazing. We want every woman to be able to experience the same joy. It’s not a personal attack on someone who chose not to or couldn’t.

Awww, she wants every shit mom to be able to experience the same joy. That’s why she and her sister Sanctimommies are rubbing their faces in their failures. It’s such an obvious motivation that I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before.

Listen up Sanctimommies:

1. In first world countries with clean water, the benefits of breastfeeding are trivial. All that stuff you’ve heard about breastfeeding preventing obesity and every disease known to man is based on evidence that is weak, conflicting and riddled with confounders. In other words, it’s not true.

2. There are many, many things that provide greater benefits to babies in the short and long term like the families’ socio-economic status and the mother’s level of education. A woman who has a graduate degree provides a greater benefit to her child than breastfeeding. So maybe if you don’t have an MD, JD or PhD, should we conclude that you don’t care enough about your children to give them the very best?

3. Why should anyone care what you think about how another loving mother chooses to raise her child? Your ugly and unmerited sense of superiority is merely a disguise for your desperate desire to believe that you are better than somebody, anybody. It’s pathetic.

Let me make things easy for you:

You aren’t a better mother because you breastfeed and you are a contemptible person because you judge.