Amazing new miracle cure: raw communication!!

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Forget organic vegetables. Forget raw milk. Scientists have made a revolutionary new discovery of an amazing miracle cure: raw communication!

That’s right, folks, raw communication reduces death rates from cancer, heart disease, immune disorders and pregnancy! But wait, there’s more! Raw communication prevents pertussis, measles and a host of other diseases! And — this is the best part — it even prevents autism!

What is raw communication?

According to Professor Cy N. Tist, raw communication is communication as nature intended.

Tist explains that human beings were designed to communicate by speech, face to face. Communication over long distances, especially using technology is unnatural and demonstrably dangerous.

The chief health risks come from blogs, Facebook pages and message boards, 3 profoundly unnatural ways to receive information. The technology itself is implicated with easy access to computers, hand held devices and wi-fi being the biggest risk factors. Studies show that diseases like autism have increased dramatically, in direct proportion to the equally dramatic increase in alternative health bloggers.

Don’t believe me? Check out the three graphs below:

autism cases

pertussis cases

homebirth deaths

In each case — autism caused by vaccines, pertussis and homebirth deaths — the incidence of the health complication rises in direct correlation with the number of alternative health blogs found on the internet.

If that isn’t proof, I don’t know what is!

Prof. Tist has shown that both producers and consumers of artificial communication are harmed. That’s a critical point. Not only do those who blog, message and Facebook post about alternative health experience an increase in these diseases, but those who read the blogs, messages and Facebook posts do too.

Big Business knows all about the close association between artificial communication and deadly health problems, but they profit from charging huge fees for internet access so there’s no way they will be honest about the connection. Think of the amount of money they would lose if consumers of alternative health learned about the dangers of blogs, message boards, and Facebook posts. It’s hardly surprising that Big Business does not want you to know about the benefits of raw communication.

But you don’t have to be one of the unfortunate sheeple who get their health information from artificial communication.

Here’s an example:

How should you decide whether to vaccinate your children?

You could rely on alternative health bloggers and B-movie starlets like Jenny McCarthy, but that’s artificial communication and leads to an increase in cases of pertussis, measles and other vaccine preventable illness. OR, you could engage in raw communication, direct face to face communication with a doctor. It’s pretty obvious that raw communication is far safer than highly processed, high tech internet communication.

If you want to see a dramatic increase in your health and longevity, resolve to consume only raw communication. Raw communication is 100% natural, from their lips to your ears communication. Of course, if you need to communicate over long distances, you can shout or, for really long distances you can use a low tech alternative: two paper cups connected by a string.

Try raw communication for one month. You will save hundreds of dollars on internet fees, computers and mobile devices AND your health will improve.

Forget homeopathy. Forget chiropractic. Switch to all natural raw communication and start improving your health today!