For my daughter on her birthday

Pink birthday cupcake

All my life I dreamed of you … and then you came.

From the time that I was a small child I had imagined what it would be like to have a daughter. I envisioned a girly girl with a powerful sense of self, and you have wildly exceeded my every expectation.

Your personality was apparent from the day that you were born: you have your own ideas and you won’t settle for substitutions or diversions. I remember trying to give you a pacifier when you were fussy, just like I had given your 3 brothers. They took it happily; you, on the other hand, immediately spit it out and gave me a look like “you cannot possibly be serious; this is plastic and I don’t do plastic.”

You talked clearly and imperiously before you turned one (your first word was “ring” because you wanted to wear my engagement diamond) and you picked out your own outfits from the time you were 18 months old. I learned early on that disagreement was pointless, but that reasoning with you was highly successful. When you wanted to wear plaid with stripes I didn’t say no; I merely told you that most people felt that they clashed, but you were free to make your own choice. After careful consideration, you put the plaid back and picked something that matched better. Your fashion sense has been unerring since those early years.

Second birthday small

As a preschooler you had 8 Barbies and two Magic Attic dolls, wore dresses every day and princess costumes for Halloween. I sewed for you and your dolls so you could have matching outfits for special occasions like your 2nd birthday above. Others cautioned me that dolls and frilly clothes would give you the wrong idea about about girls and ambition, but I’ve always felt that femininity and ambition are not incompatible. At six years old you asked me what you should do after you won the Nobel Prize.

When you were 11, you told me that your goal was to be a published author before you turned 16. I didn’t want to discourage you, but I thought that it was a goal much more difficult to achieve than you understood. Indeed, I pointed out for years I had written professionally (as a freelance medical writer) and for every 10 articles I sent out, 9 got rejected. “Well, yes, that’s you,” you replied, “but this is me.”

So we went to the bookstore and bought The Writer’s Guide to Children’s Literature, which listed all the magazines that accepted submissions of writing for children. That was on Saturday. When I came down on Monday morning, there was a neat stack of large, white envelopes on the kitchen table. Each contained a story and a cover letter, and each was addressed to a different publication. On top of the stack was a note asking me to mail them. Within several weeks you had an answer. You were going to be published. Your story, was published in Stone Soup, a national magazine for children. You had achieved your stated ambition, and you had achieved it ahead of schedule.

When you were 12, you asked me, “Why don’t you work?,” and more specifically, “Don’t you feel bad that you are not an important person?” We talked about it when you asked me, and I’ve thought a lot about over the years.

The third question you asked at the time was much easier to answer. “Don’t you feel bad that Daddy makes all the money, and you don’t have any?” No, I don’t, because, as I told you, Daddy may make all the money, but all of it is mine! “How does that work?”, you said. Marry the right guy, and it’ll work for you, too.

I understood that what you were asking about was not that mothers aren’t important; you were curious whether an ambitious person can be happy if she does not have professional success to point to, and if no one is paying her for the work that she does. The answer is yes. Because when it comes right down to it, it is the ordinary joys of life, the ones that are available to everyone and require no fancy skills that are the warp and weft of a happy life. Therefore, I recommend to you some ordinary joys:

Marry a good man. There is nothing better than being married to your best friend.

Pick interesting friends. Your friendships will be the backbone of your life. (Oh, be sure to have some friends who are doctors. That really comes in handy).

Do what you love, even if it’s hard. A satisfying career usually takes a lot of work to get started. Don’t let that stop you. Do the work, and you will be glad that you did.

Have professional colleagues whom you admire and respect. It’s even better if you can have professional colleagues who you admire, respect AND can call your friends.

Have children. There’s an upside and a downside to this. Children are extraordinary, but they are also a lot of work. They can bring joy and meaning to your life, and they can also point out that you are the dumbest person on earth, and the most embarrassing.

Read books. I cannot recommend that highly enough. I know that you love books as much as I do (we share a Kindle account and we are Amazon’s best customers) and they will always be a source of joy and comfort to you.

Have a hobby. I highly recommend sewing. Not only is it practical, but it is a way to shower attention on your children without actually being with them.

Finally, if you can manage it, have a daughter. It is every bit as fun, exciting, challenging and meaningful as I imagined it would be; you are the daughter of my dreams.

Wait, let me amend that, you are the daughter who has exceeded my fondest dreams!

Happy, Happy Birthday!

  • Howard Ella

    DO YOU NEED HELP TO GET PREGNANT OR GET BACK YOUR EX LOVE?
    Are you in bad need of love spell to bring back your ex lover or reunite your marriage? Email Dr. Ken for fast solution at (supersolutionhome1@gmail.com) or (supersolutionhom@yahoo.com) I
    had a problem with my boyfriend a year and six months ago, which lead
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    me to do for him to help me, to briefly make the long story short,
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    between the both of us, he engaged and we got married. With the help of
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  • Etiosa Temple

    I have a testimony to share,,My Name is Mrs Juliet am from the United State Of America am now 54years old Am a Medical doctor in California,I married for about 54years ago without any child then me and my husband go for an adoption of 2kids male/female.Last years something wonderful and gracious happened to me i came across this witch doctor in the internet that promise to help me get pregnant which i totally disagree,,,How can i be pregnant looking my age he ask me not to worry that he only specialize on pregnancy no other. That after the job has been completed there is no any side effect,that was how he told me what to do which i did, could you believe i miss my periodical time that same Month and i was pregnant.Today am now the happiest woman on Earth,,While am i testify to this site i know there are a lot of people that are in this kind of trouble some will decide to commit suicide. please just do and contact him for help make him to understand that Mrs Juliet from USA directed you, his email DRETIOSA@YAHOO.COM

  • Wright Eva

    A GREAT SPELL CASTER THAT HELP ME GET PREGNANT.

    Are you in need of help to solve your infertility problem or to get
    pregnant? contact Dr. Ken solution home on this email
    (supersolutionhome@gmail.com) I am Wright Eva from USA, I have been
    trying for 5years to get pregnant and needed help! i have Been going to
    the doctors but still nothing. The doctor said that me and my husband
    are fine and I don’t know where else to turn. Until one day my friend
    introduce me to this great spell caster who helped her to get back her
    lost husband back with love spell and also made her pregnant, So I
    decided to contact this spell caster Dr.Ken on his email
    (supersolutionhome@gmail.com) after interaction with him he instructed
    me on what to do, after then i should have sex with the my husband or
    any man I love in this world, And i did so, within the next one months i
    went for a check up and my doctor confirmed that i am 2weeks pregnant
    of two babies. I am so happy!! if you also need help to get pregnant or
    need your ex back please contact his email address:
    supersolutionhome@gmail.com His private number is +2348074433380.
    YOU CAN ALSO READ MY TESTIMONY ON MY BLOGGER LINK http://wrighteva05.blogspot.com

  • Schnitzelbank

    Beautiful! I was blessed with a narcisstic mother who protects sexual predators. It’s wonderful to read how it’s “supposed” to be. At the same time, bittersweet. I’m a grown woman who craves to hear such words!

  • jb1021

    Beautiful! I’m 3 weeks PP … Just had a baby girl, and I’m crying now. 🙂

  • How I was able to get my husband back from those home breaker

    My name is Mrs. Rebecca Lonan. I am from California,United States,I’ married to Mr. Greg Lonan, i am hear to give testimony of how i got back my husband, we got married for more than 9 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce.then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they casted the spell and after 2 days my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still love me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that Dr Brave casted on him that make him comeback to me today,me and my family are now happy again today. thank you Dr Brave for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend, ex lover and girlfriend to contact Dr Brave with this via EMAIL:bravespellcaster@gmail.com or kindly visit he website http://enchantedscents.tripod.com/lovespell/ , and you will see that your problem will be solved without any delay.

  • carr528

    I had a little girl after three boys as well, and even though she is three, I can see her personality shining through. Little girls are going to grow up to do big things!

  • Mishimoo

    This is beautiful, I love it.

  • How to Get your wife, husband, girlfriend, or boyfriend, Back after A Divorce or A Breakup

    Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, My name is Jeffrey Dowling,i live in Texas,USA.and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.(bravespellcaster@gmail.com}, So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same Website: http://enchantedscents.tripod.com/lovespell/,if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to “bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr Brave for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com} Thanks for reading.,.

  • Smoochagator

    I love this so much. My own daughter is nearly 20 months old and I feel so lucky to be her mom. I hope that as she grows up I’ll be lucky enough to be one of her best friends.

  • Susan

    No one asked how long she nursed and whether you had an epidural with her! You slackers. But seriously what a lovely girl and lovely letter.

  • me

    Simply lovely.

  • auntbea

    “whether an ambitious person can be happy if she does not have
    professional success to point to, and if no one is paying her for the
    work that she does. The answer is yes. Because when it comes right down
    to it, it is the ordinary joys of life, the ones that are available to
    everyone and require no fancy skills that are the warp and weft of a
    happy life.”

    Well, actually, I would suggest that if ordinary joys, rather than professional success, is what you makes you happy, you are, by definition, not ambitious. The real issue is that both being ambitious and being non-ambitious are fine and are not correlated with intelligence or aptitude.

    • Dr Jay

      I believe Dr. Tuteur is suggesting that both things make her happy, and that family is just as important as outward success to one’s happiness. Just quietly, she’s a Harvard trained ob/gyn with four kids, a hugely successful blog, and a book contract. She’s not exactly spending her days navel gazing. Like most women she’s taken”time off” to raise her kids…and is now busy turning her attention back to her career. If that’s not ambition, I don’t know what is.

  • !!! I Margaret Post This Testimony Coz My Husband Is Back Thanks To Dr.Ukaka

    At last my happiness has been restored by a Man named Dr Ukaka ,, my name is Margaret I want every one on this site or forum to join me thank this Dr Ukaka for what he just did for me and my kids. my story goes like this I was married to my husband for 5 years we were living happily together for this years and not until he traveled to Italy for a business trip where he met this prostitute who be witched he to hate me and the kids and love her only so when my husband came back from the trip he said he does not want to see me and my kids again so he drove us out of the house and he was now going to Italy for to see that other woman. so I and my kids were now so frustrated and I was just staying with my mum and I was not be treating good because my mama got married to another man when my after my daddy death so the man she got married to was not treating I and my kids well so I was so confuse and I was searching for a way to get my husband back to me and my kids so one day as I was browsing on my computer I saw a testimony about this MAN Dr Ukaka of freedomlovespell@hotmail.com shared on the internet by a lady and it impress me too so I also think of give it a try at first a was scared by when I think of what me and my kids are passing through so I contact him and he told me to stay calm for just two days that my husband shall be restored to me and to my best surprise I received a call from my husband on the second day asking after the kids and I called Dr Ukaka and he said your problems are solved my child so this was how I get my family back after a long stress of brake up by an evil lady so with all this help from Dr ukaka of freedomlovespell@hotmail.com I want you all on this forum to join me to say a huge thanks to Dr ukaka and I will also advice for any one in such or similar problems or any kind of problems should also contact him for help.website address: freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com

  • Wow. So touching. My own big girl is a similar type. I love your daughter’s determination and smarts. I am sure she’ll change the world.

  • Who?

    Beautiful.

    When talk turns to marriage, my suggestion is ‘marry well’. By which I don’t mean marry someone with money, but someone who wants better for you than you want for yourself. Trick is of course you should feel the same about them.

  • DO YOU NEED HELP TO GET PREGNANT OR SOLVE INFERTILITY PROBLEM

    I am Wright Eva from USA, I have been trying for 5years to get pregnant and needed help! i have Been going to the doctors but still nothing. The doctor said that me and my husband are fine and I don’t know where else to turn. Until one day my friend introduce me to this great spell caster who helped her to get back her lost husband back with love spell and also made her pregnant, So I decided to contact this spell caster Dr Brave on his EMAIL:bravespellcaster@gmail.com after interaction with him he instructed me on what to do, after then i should have sex with the my husband or any man I love in this world, And i did so, within the next one months i went for a check up and my doctor confirmed that i am 2weeks pregnant of two babies. I am so happy!! if you also need help to get pregnant or need your ex back please contact his email address: EMAIL:bravespellcaster@gmail.com or through His web address http://enchantedscents.tripod.com As HE did it for me, I am now a mother of twins. He will also do it for you. THANKS.,

  • Medwife

    Ok, my son is my heart, no question, but oh do I want a girl too!

    However… The only things I sew are perineums or things representing perineums, end of! Much respect to you crafty ladies. Yet another reason I’m a medwife. I dont even knit in a corner!

    • DO YOU NEED HELP TO GET PREGNANT OR SOLVE INFERTILITY PROBLEM.

      I am Wright Eva from USA, I have been trying for 5years to get pregnant and needed help! i have Been going to the doctors but still nothing. The doctor said that me and my husband are fine and I don’t know where else to turn. Until one day my friend introduce me to this great spell caster who helped her to get back her lost husband back with love spell and also made her pregnant, So I decided to contact this spell caster Dr Brave on his EMAIL:bravespellcaster@gmail.com after interaction with him he instructed me on what to do, after then i should have sex with the my husband or any man I love in this world, And i did so, within the next one months i went for a check up and my doctor confirmed that i am 2weeks pregnant of two babies. I am so happy!! if you also need help to get pregnant or need your ex back please contact his email address: EMAIL:bravespellcaster@gmail.com or through His web address http://enchantedscents.tripod.com As HE did it for me, I am now a mother of twins. He will also do it for you. THANKS.

  • This is it.

    Can an ambitious person be happy if she has no professional experience to point to? Yes.

    Thank you for writing this. As a mother of a two year old struggling to finish her dissertation amidst a lot of negativity and giving up a lot of what I had for something I find even better, it is a roller coaster of deciding if I can be happy with this beautiful kid long term. I had a mom who wasn’t. It is nice to hear from someone who was as I tread where so.many have already.

    Thanks. And congratulations on such a wonderful daughter and happiness.

  • Love this. So beautiful. Happy birthday to her!

    Aaaaaaaand now I want a girl.

  • Tosca

    Especial kudos for pointing out that wearing dresses and being a non-earning parent are just as feminist as power suits and a stratospheric career. Feminism isn’t about mindlessly rejecting traditional female roles and tastes. It’s about having the power to choose to live HOW YOU WANT.

  • Amazed

    Happy Birthday to her! Such a lovely post!

  • CanDoc

    Beautiful! Thank so you much for sharing. (A complete departure from the usual content here, but one of my favourite posts ever.)

  • So lovely – and well stated!

  • Sue

    The love between a mother and daughter can be intense and awesome…and totally independent of the birth process! Thank you Amy for sharing this powerful emotion with us.

  • Felicitasz

    Oh my God, this was lovely. Heartwarming, beautiful, inspiring, just what the doctor would have ordered. Happy birthday to your daughter.

    …whether an ambitious person can be happy if she does not have professional success to point to, and if no one is paying her for the work that she does….

    Well, you are not my mom but I take this with me today. I have the “marry a good man” and “have children” part checked, but I struggle with this “now what comes afterwards” thing.

  • ModerneTheophanu

    This was lovely. Happy birthday to your daughter!

    • !!! I Margaret Post This Testimony Coz My Husband Is Back Thanks To Dr.Ukaka

      At last my happiness has been restored by a Man named Dr Ukaka ,, my name is Margaret I want every one on this site or forum to join me thank this Dr Ukaka for what he just did for me and my kids. my story goes like this I was married to my husband for 5 years we were living happily together for this years and not until he traveled to Italy for a business trip where he met this prostitute who be witched he to hate me and the kids and love her only so when my husband came back from the trip he said he does not want to see me and my kids again so he drove us out of the house and he was now going to Italy for to see that other woman. so I and my kids were now so frustrated and I was just staying with my mum and I was not be treating good because my mama got married to another man when my after my daddy death so the man she got married to was not treating I and my kids well so I was so confuse and I was searching for a way to get my husband back to me and my kids so one day as I was browsing on my computer I saw a testimony about this MAN Dr Ukaka of freedomlovespell@hotmail.com shared on the internet by a lady and it impress me too so I also think of give it a try at first a was scared by when I think of what me and my kids are passing through so I contact him and he told me to stay calm for just two days that my husband shall be restored to me and to my best surprise I received a call from my husband on the second day asking after the kids and I called Dr Ukaka and he said your problems are solved my child so this was how I get my family back after a long stress of brake up by an evil lady so with all this help from Dr ukaka of freedomlovespell@hotmail.com I want you all on this forum to join me to say a huge thanks to Dr ukaka and I will also advice for any one in such or similar problems or any kind of problems should also contact him for help.website address: freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com ,,..

  • Meredith Watson

    Beautiful! Happy Birthday to your daughter. Also, Dr. Amy, is that a hand smocked dress?! You are a woman of many talents!

    • Amy Tuteur, MD

      Yes, it is. I love smocking, but my daughter outgrew smocked dresses long ago. Hopefully, I’ll be able to take it up again when the next generation appears.

  • MaineJen

    Aw. I appreciate this as the mother to an unexpected (but very much enjoyed) girly girl! Happy birthday to her!

  • guest

    I loved reading this. Thank you for sharing it! And happy birthday to your daughter, too!

  • guest

    Happy Birthday!

  • anh

    tearing up. this is so beautiful. My daughter is two, and it makes me so excited about the adventures ahead for the two of us together.

  • NoLongerCrunching

    Awww! Love this: “They can bring joy and meaning to your life, and they can also point out that you are the dumbest person on earth, and the most embarrassing”

  • CNM

    Amazing!!

  • Kq

    This made me tear up – in the good way! Happy Birthday to your daughter!

  • Awwwww, I love this! Happy birthday to your lovely daughter!

  • Trixie

    Happy birthday to her! I should really start sewing again.

  • yentavegan

    Wow. happy Birthday to the interesting daughter of an important woman!

  • Alcharisi

    Beautiful. Happy birthday, Dr. Amy’s daughter!

  • Bugsy

    So sweet – happy birthday!

  • stenvenywrites

    What a blessed family you have! I really admire the Mom Who Sews and Buys Books, but I hope you also get to be the Nana Who Sews and Sends Books. Now, a child with one of those is truly blessed. (Personally, I’m going to be the Nana Who Knits and Sends Books, but I’d much rather be the Nana Who Owns The Beach House.)

    • LibrarianSarah

      That’s funny. I’m the auntie who knits, sends books and nags mom and dad about getting the kid a library card. They are all full of excuse like “she’s only six weeks old.” Bahhh LIBRARY!

      • Montserrat Blanco

        I think a library card is really appropiate for a six-week-old!

  • Karen in SC

    Wow! what an excellent seamstress you were!! I’m in awe!

    And your daughter – published! What a fabulous tribute!

  • FormerPhysicist

    Beautiful!

  • Dr Kitty

    Lovely.
    What a great photo!

    Your daughter sounds like a wonderful young woman, and a credit to you.

  • Samantha06

    What a beautiful birthday gift to your daughter..

  • Roadstergal

    “Have a hobby. I highly recommend sewing. Not only is it practical, but
    it is a way to shower attention on your children without actually being
    with them.”

    My birthday was a few weeks ago. As a birthday present, my husband had framed a cross-stitch that my mom made on my actual coming-into-this-world birth-day, 38 years ago. It shows me in a crib, my full name, my date of birth, and angels flying around me, and it’s just suffused with love. She died when I was 13, and having something from her that shows her love for me so clearly is very dear to me still.

    Thanks for the post, it made me tear up.

    • Alcharisi

      My mother sewed and knit quite a lot of my clothes when I was small enough for it to be practical for a single, working mother to do. I regret to say I haven’t anywhere near her skill, but I’ve learned enough to mend and do simple alterations on my clothes–and to do some simple projects.
      My now-wife (!!) and I got married on Sunday, and I sewed the prayer shawl we were both wrapped in at the end of the ceremony. My mom was there in person–a gift in itself, since she uses a wheelchair now and traveling is difficult for her–but it occurred to me upon reading this that another of her gifts was the skill set I needed to make several of the ritual objects for the ceremony myself.
      Thanks, mom!

      • An Actual Attorney

        Mazal tov!

        • Alcharisi

          Thank you!

      • sdsures

        Congratulations!

  • moto_librarian

    This is beautiful.

  • Mel

    That’s beautiful.

  • attitude devant

    Lovely. Sending this to my own. Thanks

    • !!! I Margaret Post This Testimony Coz My Husband Is Back Thanks To Dr.Ukaka

      At last my happiness has been restored by a Man named Dr Ukaka ,, my name is Margaret I want every one on this site or forum to join me thank this Dr Ukaka for what he just did for me and my kids. my story goes like this I was married to my husband for 5 years we were living happily together for this years and not until he traveled to Italy for a business trip where he met this prostitute who be witched he to hate me and the kids and love her only so when my husband came back from the trip he said he does not want to see me and my kids again so he drove us out of the house and he was now going to Italy for to see that other woman. so I and my kids were now so frustrated and I was just staying with my mum and I was not be treating good because my mama got married to another man when my after my daddy death so the man she got married to was not treating I and my kids well so I was so confuse and I was searching for a way to get my husband back to me and my kids so one day as I was browsing on my computer I saw a testimony about this MAN Dr Ukaka of freedomlovespell@hotmail.com shared on the internet by a lady and it impress me too so I also think of give it a try at first a was scared by when I think of what me and my kids are passing through so I contact him and he told me to stay calm for just two days that my husband shall be restored to me and to my best surprise I received a call from my husband on the second day asking after the kids and I called Dr Ukaka and he said your problems are solved my child so this was how I get my family back after a long stress of brake up by an evil lady so with all this help from Dr ukaka of freedomlovespell@hotmail.com I want you all on this forum to join me to say a huge thanks to Dr ukaka and I will also advice for any one in such or similar problems or any kind of problems should also contact him for help.website address: freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com

    • Olga

      So beautiful, and so filled with love!