More passive-aggressive crap from lactivists

54515666 - who cares concept

Galina Nemirovsky, in Who Cares How She Feeds Her Baby?, is so not judging you.


I don’t care how you breastfeed your baby or don’t breastfeed your baby, yet our whole country has been engaged in a dialog about if it’s OK to see photographs of women fulfilling biology’s mission.

Galina is so not judging you. It’s entirely up to you whether you want to fulfill biology’s mission for women.

[pullquote align=”right” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]Who cares if you’re a lazy slob who feeds her baby formula?[/pullquote]

The fact that we entertain a choice as to how we feed our babies is by the grace of modern science and it’s not natural – but it is sufficient and it keeps children alive, just like dialysis is not natural but keeps people with kidney failure alive.

Bottle feeding is fine! Of course, it’s not natural, but that doesn’t mean Galina is judging you for giving your precious baby second best.

What I find most absurd is the dichotomy of how people have an uproar of judgments about how parents feed babies, yet by the time the children have reached three and the mothers are feeding their children processed chicken fingers at McDonald’s, no one is pointing fingers or sharing Instagram posts.

Just because you’re a lazy slob who feeds her child Chicken McNuggets (processed food — oh, the horror) doesn’t mean Galina is judging you for being a lazy slob who feeds her baby processed infant formula.

Why might other women criticize your decision to bottle feed?

It’s a psychologically established fact that our criticism of others comes from our insecurities.

Really, Galina?

I’m not saying we all shut up and nod along; I suggest asking two extra questions before you attack, “How does it really affect you?” and “Is it really your business?”

Galina, when it comes to other women’s infant feeding decisions I’m happy to to tell YOU to shut up and nod along.

How does another woman’s decision to bottle feed her baby affect you? It doesn’t, so why are you blithering passive-aggressive viciousness about it?

Is it really your business how another woman feeds her infant, Galina? No, it isn’t … but, as you helpfully remind us, your criticism of other women comes from your own insecurities.

Oh, and thanks for the helpful lesson on how to be thoroughly unsupportive while pretending that you’re providing support.

168 Responses to “More passive-aggressive crap from lactivists”

  1. Azuran
    September 30, 2016 at 12:08 pm #

    OT: God I just reached the breastfeeding part of the baby book the doctor gave me. 10 pages of ‘breast is best’ Formula is less good, skin to skin, co-sleeping, it’s free, no pacifier, blablabla
    and the only actual breastfeeding advice is: Find mothers in your entourage who breastfed to help you.
    Yup, now I feel totally ready to breastfeed.

    • Dr Kitty
      September 30, 2016 at 12:36 pm #

      Honestly, the best advice I can give with breastfeeding is that it will hurt at the start, even if you do it right, and then suddenly, about 4-6 weeks in, it won’t.

      Happened that way with both of mine- no latch problems, no thrush, nothing wrong, just took a while. #1 stopped breastfeeding at about 15 months, #2 still has a 6am breastfeed and nurses for comfort at 13 months.

      If you enjoy the experience enough to keep going until you get the hang of it, go for it.
      If you don’t, don’t.

      Oh, and get comfy nursing camisoles with built in soft bras to sleep in.
      I get cold sleeping in just a bra, and I did not want to be futzing with lots of layers of sleepwear at 4am. Camisoles were the perfect solution.

  2. swbarnes2
    September 29, 2016 at 6:45 pm #

    OT: has another article up about breastfeeding, about the “Fed is Best” site. (Probably since Forbes wrote about it earlier this week). I find the Slate one a little easier to read formatting-wise, and the abundance of hyperlinks to the research articles is awesome too.

  3. Anna
    September 28, 2016 at 2:22 pm #

    “I had such a hard time throughout the first month but I had a HUGE desire to breastfeed!”
    “My breasts were huge, sore and I had enough milk to feed a football team!”
    “I was determined: my baby is going to have the very BEST!”
    “My nipples were bleeding and I was exhausted but it was surely worth it!”
    “Never left the house throughout the first year without my baby, baby was exclusively breastfed, you know, so… well, some mothers prefer the easier way out but and certainly I don’t judge them… but if you decide to have a baby doesn’t it mean that you must be ready to sacrifice things…”
    WTF!? I am not interested. This IS passive agression. I am not telling you how I mixed formula at night. I am not telling you how much I spent on it and how I would travel to the other end of the city to get the brand we were using. When I meet a woman who simply says I breastfeed and full stop and no details I just admire her.

    • Anna
      September 28, 2016 at 2:31 pm #

      P.S. Have been around playgrounds a lot this summer and well, I am not getting on well with most exclusively breastfeeding women. I mean they irritate the hell out me, most of them. They want to discuss their breastfeeding again and again. Breastfeeding quietly in silence? No, that’s not trendy.

      • Amazed
        September 28, 2016 at 2:52 pm #

        My SIL doesn’t seem to get along with who she’s supposed to get along with. I mean, she’s young, so she should get along with other young moms, OK? No, sir. Not at all. Her mom friends (as well as the majority of her other friends) are from 10 to 15 years older. She’s a SAHM, so she should get along with her baby soooo great that she’d never want to give her to anyone else to hold because baby only needs Mom. Right? Well, she’s happy to give her to their (male) friends to hold. Amazing Niece adores them. She’s an EBFing mom, so she should get along with other breastfeeding moms, OK? Nah, not that either. As she puts it, it’s sick to starve your child just because it wants to wean. She isn’t exactly popular with other EBF moms. Anyway, the Intruder’s face when he got to hear what a nursing “strike” is was priceless. He stared at her, stared at me and asked, “You’re joking, right? You don’t mean that there are freaks who would STARVE their kids just so they could keep nursing them?”

        Oh, and Amazing Niece is currently experiencing an allergy. Despite being EBF, you know. This mich for the magical protection liquid gold gave her. Oh, and she got the summer flu as well. Didn’t save her from this either. Or you know, it must have been the vile cucumber. Kid loves cucumbers. Drained ’em dry in no time at all well before she had teeth. Yes. It was the cucumber. It’ll only become useful in 5 years or so.

        Fuck the passive agressive crap. It’s clear that THEY care very much how other women feed their kids.

        • momofone
          September 28, 2016 at 9:37 pm #

          Here’s the real problem with formula feeding: If everyone stopped doing it, how would the crusaders feel superior?

          • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild
            November 7, 2017 at 9:47 pm #

            They’d find a way.

  4. Madtowngirl
    September 28, 2016 at 12:19 pm #

    Sort of OT, but did anyone read the Forbes piece by Kavin Senapathy yesterday? The one about being careful not to starve your baby? It’s nice to see all of the supportive comments on her article/FB page, but damn, did the lactivists start parachuting in. I’m just glad this message is getting out. More women need to know that it’s okay to supplement, or just use formula outright.

    • Heidi
      September 28, 2016 at 2:36 pm #

      I got there when the comments were few and mostly positive. Before I had even seen that article, though, I stumbled upon a “positive” breastfeeding story about how someone overcame her low milk supply (I was googling IGT) and was SHOCKED that, “Yay, see if you try hard enough you, too, can lactate enough!” was the takeway. To make a long story short, her baby looked starved and no joke, near death – every single rib was easily visible, baby ended up being hospitalized for you know, almost dying of starvation and dehydration. The mother hadn’t even noticed the shape her child was in. I think it was a ped visit that actually prompted the hospitalization. I was livid. I don’t think this mother meant any harm but was so sure that breastfeeding works, she couldn’t see what any other stranger could see. Her child could be DEAD. I’m so angry women and children are being put through this bullshit for something that is and will always be nourishment, nothing more and nothing less. Nourishment we can buy at the store or that some of us can make.

    • swbarnes2
      September 28, 2016 at 5:16 pm #

      Didn’t realize that the other co-founder of “Fed is Best’ is an IBCLC. She brings up crappy training of LC’s, which seems like a good topic to look into here. If LCs are diagnosing “leaky gut syndrome” they are hardly better than CPMs.

  5. fishcake
    September 28, 2016 at 12:17 pm #

    I couldn’t produce enough milk for my newborn. Not sure why. I felt pressured to continue breastfeeding, so I tried. I supplemented with formula, but felt I had to be secretive about this. Finally, after a few weeks when Baby wasn’t gaining any weight, the pediatrician supported my decision to use formula. But he said that breastmilk was “sweet” and formula was “foul.” That made me feel pretty crappy. Anyhow, my daughter has always been healthy, and she is smart and funny. She’s doing great.

    • Sarah
      September 28, 2016 at 1:33 pm #

      Your paediatrician’s tastebuds should not figure highly in your list of things to consider when feeding someone else entirely.

      • fishcake
        September 28, 2016 at 2:02 pm #

        So true. It was the last thing I needed to hear at that time when I was trying to heal up, and make the best decisions for my daughter.

    • Sean Jungian
      September 28, 2016 at 1:36 pm #

      What a dick.

    • AnnaPDE
      September 29, 2016 at 2:30 am #

      Have you tasted them? In my opinion, my breastmilk and the formula we used both taste terrible, just in slightly different ways. Kind of like weird fresh milk vs awful UHT milk. I don’t think our grown-up taste preferences apply here.

      • fishcake
        October 4, 2016 at 12:49 pm #

        Both not to my liking, but my daughter loved both a lot. I think she appreciated that the formula didn’t stop flowing before she was satisfied, unlike the breast milk.

  6. The Bofa on the Sofa
    September 28, 2016 at 11:36 am #

    Check this out. It is from the abstract of the PhD thesis of Tina Kimmel, who has a PhD in the area of Social Welfare. Orac mentioned her because she is a defender of Bob Sears.

    ****It’s so nauseating that it might make you puke*****

    Mother’s milk nourishes perfectly; it is a miraculous substance. Formula is a poor substitute which causes short and long-term disability and infections, chronic diseases, plus other health effects for both mother and infant, including death. There are also troubling psychosocial consequences of formula use, including lower intelligence, poorer maternal-infant attachment, and possibly increased child abuse.(

    That’s right. Using formula causes child abuse. Not _is_ child abuse, but causes other child abuses.

    • Azuran
      September 28, 2016 at 11:40 am #

      Wow, Formula has negative health impact on mothers…
      She claims to be an expert in social welfare? And blames child abuse on formula? what a joke.

    • Linden
      September 28, 2016 at 11:46 am #

      I have no idea how PhDs in social sciences work, but if I had one paragraph in my dissertation so full of the questionable to the outright disprovable, my supervisor would incinerate me.

    • kilda
      September 28, 2016 at 12:06 pm #

      someone actually earned a PhD with that crap?

      I weep.

    • Remy
      September 28, 2016 at 12:42 pm #

      Seeing as almost my whole generation was formula fed, and there wasn’t mass child abuse going on, I think this supposed doctor is an idiot.

      • kilda
        September 28, 2016 at 12:51 pm #

        well sure there was. Parents vaccinating their kids, left and right! Letting them cry it out rather than attachment parenting. RAMPANT abuse, all of it.

    • Sarah
      September 28, 2016 at 1:33 pm #

      Silly cow.

    • The Bofa on the Sofa
      September 28, 2016 at 3:20 pm #

      Speaking of child abuse, has anyone seen this?

      Child abuse signs that look different for (tall) adults and (short) children.

      What do you think? My thought? That is really clever! I hope it works.

      • Dr Kitty
        September 28, 2016 at 5:57 pm #

        I don’t get it. It seems gimmicky.

        Unless it is obvious to kids that what they see isn’t the same as what adults see, then it has no benefit over simply putting up the kids’ version of the ad for everyone to see.

        What about those of us between 4’3″ and 5’7″ (which is a significant proportion of adult women and kids between 9 and 16), what do we see?

        If you want at risk kids to call the number, plaster it over every available surface, make sure sympathetic adults are also aware of it so that they can pass it on to kids they are concerned about.

        Having it so that only people under 4’3″ can read the helpline number is surely counter productive.

        I mean, there is a reason suicide prevention helplines here are on billboards and the side of buses- you want everyone to have that number learnt off by heart, whether or not they personally ever need to use it.

      • Wren
        September 29, 2016 at 3:58 am #

        It actually kind of worries me. My daughter would see it, but my son, my husband and I wouldn’t (though I wonder what my son and I would see). She’s the type to worry about an image like that, as are many kids that young. If I see it too, then I know about it to discuss it with her at least. If I don’t, then I can’t really discuss it well even if she brings it up.

        I guess I also don’t really see the benefit. Most kids won’t know adults can’t see it, so it won’t affect them any differently to an ad we can all see, and it leaves kids taller than that without the number to call for help.

        • September 29, 2016 at 3:13 pm #

          Huh…I wonder what they’ve done for children older than 10 but not adults because yeah….according to their average height – I’m older than 10 but not an adult.

      • kfunk937
        September 29, 2016 at 3:52 pm #

        For the same reasons that Wren and marbles have already raised, this approach has some issues. As they pointed out, even “average” height kids over 10YO are still entitled to protection by laws designed to help children. I was 5’7″ at age 12 and even over their average when 10.

        Moreover, a photo with a banged up face that only those below 4’7″ can see coulld imply that only physical abuse is harmful. What about emotional or sexual abuse, or extreme neglect? Even the more easily visible poster with the message that sometimes the abuse is only visible to the victim is more inclusive and less likely to communicate to a child with invisible injuries that they’re not really being harmed.

        It’s a start, and maybe a good one. Anything that encourages someone experiencing, witnessing or vulnerable to harm to reach out and gives them someone to reach out to is a good thing. It could also promote conversations between children and (non-abusive) caregivers/trusted adults.

        I’d think that posters and pamphlets inside toilet stalls–even low tech ones–would reach more kids, especially if the point is privacy. It’s an approach long used by domestic violence shelters for decades, and for good reason.

      • RMY
        September 29, 2016 at 6:40 pm #

        I’m not a huge fan. Kids don’t report abuse to themselves because they don’t want to, either out of a misguided desire to protect their abuser, or because they fear their abuser was right/can’t be stopped/it will just anger them/etc.

  7. Dr Kitty
    September 28, 2016 at 10:39 am #

    Baby #2 got his 13 month vaccines today. All four of them.
    Hib+Men C/ Men B/MMR/Pneumococcal.
    He had a little 2minute comfort nurse afterwards, then was shoving animal crackers in his mouth as we walked around the block to the park, where he went happily on the swings and tried heartily to throw himself off the slide repeatedly.

    So far, so good.

    • Azuran
      September 28, 2016 at 11:11 am #

      So far so good? Are you kidding, clearly your child is already showing side of vaccine injury. What 13 months old try to throw himself off of a slide? It’s the vaccines!!!

      • Sean Jungian
        September 28, 2016 at 1:35 pm #

        Better report it to VAERS – “within hours of receiving vaccines toddler was engaging in risky, daredevil behavior.”

        • Charybdis
          September 28, 2016 at 6:56 pm #

          I got my flu shot today. After I got home, I started a load of laundry. When it hit the rinse/spin cycle, I heard what can be described as a waterfall in my kitchen. (The laundry is on the second floor). I had water pouring from the ceiling around one of the recessed lights. Currently waiting on plumber to ascertain the cause of Niagra Falls in my kitchen.

          Think it was a vaccine injury? *wrings hands and paces*

          • Sean Jungian
            September 28, 2016 at 9:19 pm #

            If that’s not vaccine injury, then I don’t know what IS.

          • momofone
            September 28, 2016 at 9:41 pm #

            Looks like Merck* owes someone a new washing machine, and a reno.

            *or someone

    • The Bofa on the Sofa
      September 28, 2016 at 11:18 am #

      You are an evil parent.

      How could you give your child vaccines……

      and not take them for ice cream afterward?

      • Montserrat Blanco
        September 28, 2016 at 2:43 pm #

        You will not believe it… But some kids actually do not like ice cream. I happen to parent one of them. Apparently it is too cold.

        We have a great real ice cream shop near our home and we go frequently over the summer. He gets a cone without ice cream… We look like the worst parents on Earth. I know but I can not make up my mind to force him to have ice cream.

        • Sean Jungian
          September 28, 2016 at 9:21 pm #

          I will admit that I am an adult who doesn’t really care for ice cream, and formerly I was a child who didn’t really care for it either. It is cold and messy, I never eat it fast enough to keep it from melting or dripping all over me, and once it melts the texture disgusts me.

          I do have a small dish (like, half a scoop maybe?) once or twice a year, but really, it’s just not my thing.

          All this to say, don’t bother to force him, some of us it’s more about the texture or temperature than the taste (I mean I will not deny that it does taste good overall).

          • Montserrat Blanco
            September 29, 2016 at 12:00 am #

            I never force him to eat anything. He eats pretty much everything: fruits, vegetables, meat, fish, even mussels and squid, so I am not worried about him not eating something. He just does not like ice cream. He might like it later… Or not. I do not consider it essential for his nutrition, so he decides on that one. Thanks for the explanation though, I am glad he is not the only person on earth to dislike ice cream.

      • KeeperOfTheBooks
        September 28, 2016 at 11:13 pm #

        Here, it’s the zoo (complete with carousel rides) and French fries eaten while watching the giraffes. I heartily endorse the ice cream idea, however!

    • kilda
      September 28, 2016 at 11:33 am #

      “and tried heartily to throw himself off the slide repeatedly.”

      repetitive self-injurious behavior! Just minutes later, the autism is starting! The soul will be gone from his eyes by Thursday.

      (sarcasm, in case it needs to be said)

      • Dr Kitty
        September 28, 2016 at 1:09 pm #

        This one… we’re lucky not to have had broken bones yet.
        He appears to have no fear of heights, no sense of self preservation and boundless curiosity.

        He can’t walk but he has mastered climbing effortlessly.

        • Charybdis
          September 28, 2016 at 1:12 pm #

          My son has a clone?

        • BeatriceC
          September 28, 2016 at 1:51 pm #

          MK was like that. In the time it took me to pee he vaulted a gate between the living room and dining room, crawled into the kitchen, pushed an overturned five gallon bucket to the counter, climbed on top of the counter, then on top of the microwave, and I found him as he was working his way from the microwave to the top of the refrigerator. He was about a year old and could not walk unassisted at that point.

        • Montserrat Blanco
          September 28, 2016 at 2:39 pm #

          Mine climbed months before walking as well!

          • Who?
            September 30, 2016 at 4:15 am #

            As did one of mine.

    • Ceridwen
      September 28, 2016 at 3:12 pm #

      Mine got his 1 year shots on Monday and didn’t even want to nurse after.

      No broken bones yet but he’s had to have a little head lac glued when he crawled up onto the back deck faster than anyone thought possible and fell off. His sister made it to 3 before having an injury like that. He is much less careful.

  8. Stephanie Rotherham
    September 28, 2016 at 9:54 am #

    ‘Your mission, should you choose to accept it…’

  9. Sue
    September 28, 2016 at 8:13 am #

    Anxiety and other mental health issues are increasingly common. This woman’s approach can only increase disability, not prevent it.

    • Guest
      September 28, 2016 at 10:03 am #

      I’ve read people stating that breastfeeding reduces the incidence of PPD, but I have yet to see anyone state how or why that is the case, or cite a source for this. I guest breastmilk really is magical?

      Sleep deprivation, physical pain and stress all sound like great catalysts for a mental health issue to me, but what the hell do I know.

      • Wren
        September 28, 2016 at 10:16 am #

        I don’t think it generally does reduce the incidence or the severity of PPD, but I can say it probably did contribute in a large way to me getting help for PPD. I had it with my second and went to get help after finding myself telling my not quite 2 year old that I was going to leave him with Daddy, who would take care of him, and had to take his baby sister because she needed “Mummy milk” but would bring her back when she didn’t any more. (That makes me cry still just to type out. I don’t think my son remembers it, but I still find myself worrying about it.) If my daughter had been on formula, or even would take a bottle, I am fairly sure I would have walked out on my family that day.

      • KeeperOfTheBooks
        September 28, 2016 at 10:51 am #

        I seem to recall a study which stated that *successful* breastfeeding reduces the risk of PPD, which kind of makes sense: if you really want to do something and you do it and succeed at it, you’re probably going to get a mental/emotional boost from that. If, on the other hand, you really want to do something and “fail” at it (read: it doesn’t work for whatever reason), then that’s not exactly going to lift your mood.

      • Erin
        September 28, 2016 at 11:02 am #

        I found this one:

        “For the majority of mothers who did not show symptoms of depression before birth, breastfeeding decreased the risk of PPD among mothers who had intended to breastfeed, but increased the risk of PPD among mothers who had not intended to breastfeed.”

        They also found that wanting to breastfeed prior to delivery and not being able increased the risk of PPD.

        I’m sure it won’t surprise anyone but the article ( discussing the study starts,

        “A new study of over 10,000 mothers has shown that women who breastfed their babies were at significantly lower risk of postnatal depression than those who did not.”

        which doesn’t seem to match what the study says at all.

        • Amy M
          September 28, 2016 at 12:09 pm #

          Maybe its all in the wording–should read more like :”Women who wanted to breastfeed their babies, found it fairly easy to achieve AND had no previous indications or risk factors for depression, were at significantly lower risk of PPD….”

          • Sarah
            September 28, 2016 at 4:08 pm #

            And of course, that women who breastfed despite not wanting to also didn’t come out of it very well.

          • Roadstergal
            September 28, 2016 at 7:16 pm #

            Also, what about women who wanted to breastfeed their babies, but ended up with PPD and needed meds incompatible with breastfeeding?

        • kilda
          September 28, 2016 at 12:49 pm #

          so all the study really says is that people whose plans for feeding their baby went as they expected and wanted, were less likely to be depressed.

          people who didn’t want to breastfeed, but for some reason did anyway, were more likely to be depressed.

          meanwhile, women who did want to breastfeed, but for some reason didn’t or couldn’t, were also more likely to be depressed.

          what a non-surprising finding.

        • Sarah
          September 28, 2016 at 4:07 pm #

          Funny that.

      • Azuran
        September 28, 2016 at 11:06 am #

        It’s an extrapolation and exaggeration.
        There have been a few studies suggesting that oxytocin could have positive effect in PDD. Breastfeeding causes oxytocin secretion.
        Therefore, for the lactivists, breastfeeding cures PDD. Because in lactivists land, everything is 0 or 100, black or white, there is no nuance, there is no in between, there is no individual variation and circumstances.

        As Keeper said, yea, if it’s easy and go well, if could maybe help a little. But in no way should it be considered a treatment for PDD by itself. And if it doesn’t go well, it sure as hell can make everything worse.

      • Remy
        September 28, 2016 at 12:45 pm #

        It’s women who meet their person breastfeeding goals who have a reduction in PPD. Also women who formula feed by choice and are supported. Women who are formula feeders and bullied about it, or moms who wanted to breastfeed but were unable to have increased rates of PPD, especially the latter because they are told they did the wrong thing and that is why their milk dried up or never came in.

        Like we need studies to figure that out – incredibly hormonal time + encounters with assholes and bullies (especially if they are medical “professionals”) = depression.

  10. Tumbling
    September 28, 2016 at 4:40 am #

    OT: Another study has been released covering the state of midwife-led care in New Zealand:

    Just as a bit of background as to why this is a contentious topic in New Zealand: midwife-led care is now very much the norm here. In the region that I live in, there is roughly 1 obstetrician per 100,000 people. Very very few GPs in my region will oversee pregnancies, and those few that I know of will only deal with pregnant women who were members of their practice before the pregnancy.

  11. Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild
    September 27, 2016 at 9:43 pm #

    “I don’t care how you breastfeed your baby or don’t breastfeed your baby, yet our whole country has been engaged in a dialog about if it’s OK to see photographs of women fulfilling biology’s mission.”

    As I said before it’s not about what’s best for baby (or mom and dad). It’s about enforcing “traditional” gender roles.×1024.jpg

  12. fiftyfifty1
    September 27, 2016 at 7:52 pm #

    “but it is sufficient and it keeps children alive”

    This “babies survive on formula but they don’t thrive” nonsense is one I’ve never understood. Lactivists have created a ton of bullshit sayings to try to bully and scare formula feeding mothers, but this one is the dumbest. Sheesh, do they think we are blind? Do they think we can’t see all the radiant, laughing, obviously THRIVING bottle-fed toddlers running around?

    • Kelly
      September 27, 2016 at 8:14 pm #

      I don’t get that either. If kids did not thrive on it, wouldn’t we see that happening all around us? Wouldn’t they be in and out of the hospital, seeing specialists, and in therapy?

      • Heidi
        September 28, 2016 at 9:05 am #

        I’m sure soon they will start making up stories, like we see with anti-vaxxers. “I know 102 people in my small town of 8,000 that was formula injured!”

    • demodocus
      September 27, 2016 at 10:11 pm #

      but new mothers with insane hormones forget that.

    • September 28, 2016 at 11:14 am #

      I am willing to bet that at least half, and probably a great many more, of women born in the US from the Thirties onwards were fed formula, which in the early days was far less scientifically composed, so that today’s breastfeeding feeding fanatics were themselves already second or third generation “graduates” of that formula which is supposed to be so injurious to health and intelligence that it’s a crime to feed it to babies. That means that all these gung-ho breastfeeders are themselves poisoned from infanthood onwards?

      • kilda
        September 28, 2016 at 11:35 am #

        well yes. They need that excuse to fall back on, in case they end up with a less than perfect child in spite of the breastfeeding and attachment parenting. Then it’s the tragic multigenerational legacy of epigenetics.

    • Amy M
      September 28, 2016 at 12:15 pm #

      I think they prey on women who are very insecure/have PPD or PPA because people who are not at their most mentally healthy might NOT see the thriving bottle fed kids. Instead they’ll fixate on the one ear infection, or the fact that the kid is asthmatic and decide it must have been the formula.

    • Remy
      September 28, 2016 at 12:47 pm #

      I apparently refused milk forever, because I was in love with my formula. My mom would put it in a bottle but I’d chuck the bottle away and cry for formula. She ended up having to mix the two together starting with mostly formula and ending with mostly milk before I’d finally make the switch. Just sufficient my ass. I loved it!

  13. Sarah
    September 27, 2016 at 2:31 pm #

    I’m not entirely sure it’s an established fact that our criticism of others comes from our insecurities. Like, I’m fairly critical of, for example, the North Korean regime. For putting people in prison camps and whatnot. But I feel entirely secure in the knowledge that I’ve never massacred three generations of a family because one of them might have said something I don’t like. I’m fairly critical of my husband for never emptying the kitchen waste caddy. But I am entirely secure in the knowledge that I do it ALL THE SODDING TIME.

    I think I would like to see her receipts on this particular claim.

    • Sean Jungian
      September 27, 2016 at 2:58 pm #

      My pet criticism is of celebrity/actor/public figure hair. I don’t mean any harm by it, it’s just that their stylists are completely failing them. #justsaying

      • Sarah
        September 27, 2016 at 3:31 pm #

        Your pube insecurity shines through every word you write. I recommend a merkin and some breastmilk purchased from a stranger on the internet.

        • Sean Jungian
          September 27, 2016 at 3:32 pm #

          It was a vaccine injury! DON’T JUDGE ME!

          • Sarah
            September 27, 2016 at 4:22 pm #

            If you’d gone homoepathic, this would never have happened.

          • Sean Jungian
            September 27, 2016 at 4:48 pm #

            If I’d gone homeopathic, NOTHING would have happened!

          • September 27, 2016 at 11:25 pm #

            Needs moar kale.

        • Roadstergal
          September 27, 2016 at 3:33 pm #

          Upvoting for merkin reference.

    • Amy
      September 27, 2016 at 4:46 pm #

      I’m so with you.

      I’m hugely (or should I say YUGEly, or is that BIGLY) critical of Trump and his supporters. I’m not worried that I’ll suddenly start spouting off Islamophobic or racist rhetoric, nor am I worried about turning orange or my hair turning into…..whatever the hell that is on his head. Nor am I worried about running four businesses to the ground or refusing to pay bills, or speculating about the sexual attractiveness of my children.

    • corblimeybot
      September 27, 2016 at 7:18 pm #

      It’s just about the most intellectually bankrupt form of amateur psychology. People should be embarrassed to say stuff that stupid.

  14. Megan
    September 27, 2016 at 2:31 pm #

    Dialysis? Really?

    • Sarah
      September 27, 2016 at 2:32 pm #

      Well, they’re both fantastic modern miracles that have allowed great numbers to live who’d otherwise have died, and that people in the developing world are shamefully denied access to, sometimes fatally. I feel certain that’s all she meant. Honest.

  15. Tori
    September 27, 2016 at 2:19 pm #

    I can’t believe someone would compare formula feeding to dialysis- something invasive, restricting, time consuming and completely lacking in choice if you want to survive. But formula feeding is not dialysis, because it doesn’t take that sort of toll on someone’s life, and dictate someone’s world. The two are not comparable.

    • NoLongerCrunching
      September 27, 2016 at 7:31 pm #

      I’m pretty sure no one has ever wriggled with pleasure or fallen into a blissful sleep while getting dialysis.

  16. guest
    September 27, 2016 at 1:46 pm #

    Umm……people post obnoxious pics of the food they make for their kids all the time, especially the ones who think their meals are healthier than most, and the ones who shape their kids meals into animal shapes. And my guess is that people don’t post pics of Chicken McNuggets because after you’ve seen one processed chicken nugget, you’ve pretty much seen them all.

    • demodocus
      September 27, 2016 at 4:55 pm #

      downstairs has a sticker on their car that has a chick that says “I’m not a nugget” The irony is that the chick is stylized so much it kind of does look like a nugget

      • guest
        September 27, 2016 at 5:46 pm #

        They are pure nuggets of deliciousness.

        • Azuran
          September 27, 2016 at 6:36 pm #

          Tasty tasty murder

          • guest
            September 27, 2016 at 10:22 pm #

            I’m not killing them. I’m more of a vulture, eating the corpses after they’re already dead. But only after they’ve been processed, breaded, and fried.

      • Mrs.Katt the Cat
        September 27, 2016 at 7:29 pm #

        I want chick shaped nuggets. Other food is animal shaped and fun as sh!t to eat, why not?

        • Wren
          September 28, 2016 at 4:38 am #

          I have fed my kids dinosaur shaped nuggets (with alphabet potato shapes on the side), so why not chick shaped?

    • Roadstergal
      September 27, 2016 at 6:49 pm #

      I think part of the problem is that people still want to maintain the illusion that chicken nuggets aren’t highly processed, so they don’t want to see really cool and interesting shapes. (It doesn’t bother me when food is processed, as long as it’s safe and tasty.)

      • guest
        September 27, 2016 at 10:21 pm #

        Just for that, I’m going to start making home-made chicken nuggets and Instagram all the shapes I can turn them into. #MyNuggetsAreBetterThanYours

      • September 29, 2016 at 7:26 am #

        I’ve seen chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs.

    • Erin
      September 28, 2016 at 5:31 am #

      I spend way too many hours looking at pinterest pages of Bento boxes. I can’t wait for my son to start school…he will like rice made into pandas and hard boiled eggs dressed as mice!

      • MI Dawn
        September 28, 2016 at 7:43 am #

        Will you adopt me and make me lunches? PLEASE????

      • Sean Jungian
        September 28, 2016 at 1:28 pm #

        I luuuurve the Bento box art but there’s no way I would do it myself (although I do like to pretend I might. I can’t even be arsed to make my kid lunch, let alone a beautifully fancy one.

  17. Heidi
    September 27, 2016 at 1:22 pm #

    Biology’s mission? WTF does that even mean? Is it what’s natural? Because I go against what feels most natural everyday. I purposely don’t conceive every month, I get out of bed and take care of the baby when there are days I just want to walk out of the house and have time to myself, breastfeeding really didn’t feel that natural to me either. One, my body was sub-magical and didn’t produce enough milk so I guess biology hadn’t assigned that mission for me, but I naturally wanted to put my baby down because it was just awkward. On all those breastfeeding videos I watched, those women always had perfect breasts for breastfeeding. For me, boobs and baby didn’t align so well. I think myself at least decent because I choose to go against nature all the time.

    • guest
      September 27, 2016 at 1:47 pm #

      Biology’s mission appears to be driving humans to reproduce until we kill the planet. Nice work, biology!

    • swbarnes2
      September 27, 2016 at 3:18 pm #

      It means that if a woman thinks she is more than a milk machine, she is wrong. If a woman is a bad milk machine, she isn’t really a woman, and might as well not exist.


    • Amy
      September 27, 2016 at 4:47 pm #

      If I’d fulfilled biology’s mission I’d currently be fertilizing something, because I’d have died over a decade ago.

      • Heidi
        September 27, 2016 at 5:01 pm #

        I wouldn’t have even existed because I managed to make it past the early 2nd trimester thanks to a cerclage. Then I had a chance to starve to death with exclusive breastfeeding but my mom continued to be unnatural and gave me Similac. I then reproduced myself and found I got those not so great at lactating genes and carried on the family torch of being unnatural.

      • Zornorph
        September 27, 2016 at 5:32 pm #

        I’d be blind if my mother had followed biology’s mission as I was born with infant glaucoma. Fortunately, she realized something was wrong, ignored the doctor who told her it was nothing and took me to an eye doctor who recognized it and had me flown to a specialist who saved my eyesight.

        • Roadstergal
          September 27, 2016 at 6:50 pm #

          Evil interventions! You should have Trusted Eyes.

  18. demodocus
    September 27, 2016 at 1:20 pm #

    a vegetarian diet isn’t “natural” for us omnivores, either.

    Totally supportive to compare formula to dialisis, ’cause they’re totes the same.

    • Heidi
      September 27, 2016 at 1:25 pm #

      Oh yeah, they totes are! You know, the average dialysis patient has 5 to 10 years of life left. And they are the best years I’m sure, being confined to a machine for 8 hours, 3 days a week! Then you can expect the rest of your dialysis day to be a day spent in bed feeling like total crap.

      • Roadstergal
        September 27, 2016 at 5:39 pm #

        Don’t forget the line infections. Those are fun.

        • Mishimoo
          September 28, 2016 at 6:20 am #

          I amazed that my mother-in-law hasn’t managed to end up sick (or with contact dermatitis) yet considering that she uses Pine O Cleen wipes to clean her skin before cannulation, instead of following the recommendations.

          • Erin
            September 28, 2016 at 11:13 am #

            My Grandmother uses bleach to clean her dentures…she’s heading towards her 95th birthday and has very clean dentures.

            In her case at least, what doesn’t kill you seems to make you stronger…although how it hasn’t killed her I’ve no idea.

          • Azuran
            September 28, 2016 at 11:17 am #

            Well…….alternative medicine quacks have been selling bleach as a cure it all for a long time now.

          • Heidi
            September 28, 2016 at 11:43 am #

            I’d think as long as you rinsed the bleach off, it’d be fine. Dishwasher detergent is bleach.

  19. kilda
    September 27, 2016 at 12:49 pm #

    This morning I fulfilled biology’s mission by eating some toast. Do we need an instagram campaign showing pics of that? Then later I fulfilled another of biology’s missions in the bathroom, and you probably want pics of that even less.

    • Azuran
      September 27, 2016 at 1:00 pm #

      This morning I fulfilled the wonderful magical process of morning sickness. Maybe we should start a campaign to normalize morning sickness and start going outside in public to throw up?

      • moto_librarian
        September 27, 2016 at 1:16 pm #

        Hope you feel better.

        • Azuran
          September 27, 2016 at 1:21 pm #

          Thanks. It’s much more manageable than it was at first, It’s been getting less and less severe in the past 2 weeks. Hopefully it should stop completely in another week or two.

          • MI Dawn
            September 27, 2016 at 1:24 pm #

            Fingers crossed!

          • Dr Kitty
            September 27, 2016 at 1:35 pm #

            Commiserations on the nausea and vomiting of pregnancy (I think morning sickness is a horribly minimising and inaccurate term).

            I found that things were better if I stuck to bland carbs and stuff that I was craving- no matter how weird it was.
            Nando’s extra hot chicken, cloudy lemonade, kosher pickles and McDonald’s vanilla shakes were my go-to foods, but you do you.

            Well, that plus Zofran, Cyclizine and Promethazine.

          • Azuran
            September 27, 2016 at 1:41 pm #

            Yea, I quickly decided to just go with whatever I felt like eating. The first month was really miserable, I basically survived almost exclusively on Nutella toast, Mc-Donalds and ketchup flavoured chips.

          • Sarah
            September 27, 2016 at 2:28 pm #

            You just have to eat what you can get to stay down. It’s not easy but it passes.

          • Dr Kitty
            September 27, 2016 at 6:01 pm #

            There was a point in my first pregnancy where nothing (and I include water and anti-emetic tablets) stayed down for more than an hour, for some of us it passes only after losing 10% of our body weight and having acute renal injury from dehydration…which goes a bit beyond “not easy”.

            Which is why second time around I took ALL the drugs ALL the time and was merely skinny, nauseated and miserable for four months.

            If saltines, ginger ale and your go to foods aren’t cutting it, and you’re still vomiting two or more times a day, don’t be afraid to get the good medications, and keep asking until you get a combo that works for you- there are lots of safe options to choose from.

          • demodocus
            September 27, 2016 at 7:25 pm #

            lol, saltines did it for me. And communion wafers. But curry was fine. Pregnancy is weird

          • Sarah
            September 28, 2016 at 2:55 am #

            Indeed. Modern medicine is a marvel.

            I never chucked much but I did go through a phase in one pregnancy where I could barely swallow food in the first place. Kept heaving when I tried to swallow. It would take the better part of an hour to get toast down. When it finally went down, it would stay down, but my body did her level best not to allow entry in the first place.

          • Wren
            September 28, 2016 at 4:45 am #


            I got 9 months of sickness (not just feeling sick, but being sick) both times. It was better the second time since I used the meds.

            With both pregnancies I walked out of the hospital after birth weighing less than when I got pregnant, then proceeded to gain weight while breastfeeding. My body is confused.

          • Sarah S
            September 28, 2016 at 1:06 pm #

            One morning of dry heaves in morning rush hour was enough for me to go on diclectin with my 2nd. I had basically no nausea with my first, just massive food aversions.

          • Sarah
            September 28, 2016 at 2:03 pm #

            I didn’t realise you could get anything for dry heaving. Would’ve been all over it!

          • September 27, 2016 at 3:52 pm #

            Hawaiian-flavored rolls, applesauce with sugar, and ginger ale. About once a week, a Taco Bell Nacho Bell Grande sounded amazing so I could usually eat half of one.

            You can ask your OB about using 0.25-0.5 tab of Unisom + B6 4x a day (also known as Digicletis). That took me from a person who was eating less than 1,000 calories a day to my normal self.

          • Angela
            September 27, 2016 at 4:54 pm #

            With one of my pregnancies I lived off of bagels and cream cheese for a few weeks. Then it was Burger King Whoppers.

          • Wren
            September 28, 2016 at 4:43 am #

            OH no! I went through a major cheeseburger thing in the middle of my first pregnancy. We took a 2 week trip and I averaged something like 2 1/2 cheeseburgers a day. The only burgers I could not eat, and still cannot eat 11 years later, were Burger King.

          • demodocus
            September 27, 2016 at 7:24 pm #

            we discussed my food desires in real time over the last 12 months, lol

          • MaeveClifford
            September 28, 2016 at 2:59 pm #

            Unisom + B6 was my lifesaver too. Without it I had all day nausea and couldn’t eat anything. After I started taking it, I had the stereotypical “morning sickness” instead. Throwing up part of my breakfast every morning and then being good to go was a VAST improvement. I think I would’ve been hospitalized for HG.

          • Wren
            September 28, 2016 at 4:47 am #

            Total believer in eating what sounds good (within reason) while pregnant. I never did give in to the dirt cravings with my second.

            In general, cold and sour was my thing for the first trimester. Orange juice blended with frozen raspberries was perfect, and sometimes even stayed down.

          • MI Dawn
            September 28, 2016 at 7:41 am #

            I had chocolate binges with my first. Wendy’s Frosties, Reese’s Peanut Butter cups. I can still remember the night I checked EVERY vending machine in the hospital I worked in, weeping because they were out of PBC. I ended up sending then-husband out to Wendy’s for a Frostie – they were closed – so the poor guy ended up at 7-11 buying me chocolate. That was his dinner break that night! (We worked in the same hospital).

      • demodocus
        September 27, 2016 at 1:21 pm #


      • Erin
        September 27, 2016 at 1:29 pm #

        I found those sea sickness bands help a bit, that and sparkling water (and pickled eggs). Hope you feel less sick soon.

        I’m definitely up for normalizing throwing up in public. With my first pregnancy, I got complacence…I was primarily retching and not following through with vomit. So there I am, sitting at a Community Safety meeting with a bunch of colleagues, Firemen and Police Officers when I feel this urge to vomit coming on. I get asked if I want to get a drink, some fresh air, take a break…all the sensible stuff. Nope, I’m fine, I don’t throw up, I just retch a bit. Hadn’t even finished the sentence when I projectile vomited all over a map of the city and an unfortunate Detective Sergeant who was sat next to me.

        This time still primarily retching but a lot more careful. Oddly enough people don’t like relative strangers throwing up on them…hence the need for a normalizing campaign.

        • Heidi
          September 27, 2016 at 1:39 pm #

          Oh that sounds awful! When I was pregnant, puking was relief. I remember I was the last patient left at the OB’s office at my 12 week appt. and the phlebotomist was trying to take my blood. I am a horrible stick anyway. I am not the least bit queasy about blood or getting stuck either. All of the sudden while she’s trying to find a vein, I feel horrible. I break out in a sweat, I think I’m going to pass out, she asks if i’m okay, and I say no. I run to the bathroom and retch and retch and retch and never vomit. I still don’t feel any better at all but all I want is to get home! So I acted like I felt better and she finally got my blood. This whole thing freaks my husband out that he actually runs a red light and misses a turn so it took longer to get home. Finally, we get home, I drink some OJ thinking maybe my sugar had dropped, and then I proceed to vomit many, many times, but I felt so much better vomiting than I did in that retching state.

        • Sarah
          September 27, 2016 at 2:34 pm #

          I’m a retcher rather than a chucker. Proper deep ones, like something’s trying to climb out of my gut. It’s very dainty. Almost as much so as the incident you describe.

          • Charybdis
            September 27, 2016 at 8:13 pm #

            I was a retcher as well. I had a hard time brushing my teeth in the morning because that would set it off.

          • Sarah
            September 28, 2016 at 2:54 am #

            Oh yes! Dry heaving all the toothpaste out! Remember it well.

          • Kelly
            September 27, 2016 at 8:18 pm #

            I thought I was the only one. My husband thinks it is funny because I rarely throw up and have to tell myself it is ok to throw up in order to finally do it. I think it is awful that I can’t throw up because it just sits there.

          • Sarah
            September 28, 2016 at 2:54 am #

            Yeah I genuinely feel better when I can actually manage to vomit, when pregnant.

      • Sean Jungian
        September 27, 2016 at 1:45 pm #

        My form of morning sickness was generally getting nauseous while in the car, so I had ZERO problems pulling over a vomiting in public.

        Ya gotta do what you gotta do.

      • Roadstergal
        September 27, 2016 at 2:05 pm #

    • Sarah
      September 27, 2016 at 2:36 pm #

      I actually adore toast so much that I’d enjoy seeing photos of the toast everyone had this morning. Vicarious carbing.

      • Sean Jungian
        September 27, 2016 at 2:55 pm #

        Oh how I miss the days when I kept bread, butter, and peanut butter by the toaster….

      • Roadstergal
        September 27, 2016 at 3:03 pm #

        Oooh, sourdough toasted to a perfect tan, with butter melting over the crannies…

  20. MI Dawn
    September 27, 2016 at 12:35 pm #

    Yeah…that article is *so* not judgemental at all. Why, outside of the magically gestating body, we have the magically milk-producing boobs which OF COURSE always function perfectly, and make just the perfect amount of milk for the baby. NO baby ever starved on mamma’s breastmilk, right? RIGHT?? (And, of course, there were no such things as bottles, cups, fingers, wet nurses, whatever for when mamma died/didn’t have enough milk/was starving herself…)

    • Roadstergal
      September 27, 2016 at 2:13 pm #

      And like magic, if it’s not working, it’s because you did the incantations wrong – it’s never the magic itself…

      • Azuran
        September 27, 2016 at 3:11 pm #

        And then you accidentally summon a Demon while trying to breastfeed your baby.

        • September 27, 2016 at 3:54 pm #

          Goddamn it! GO AWAY! THIS IS NOT YOUR HOME, DEMON!

          • Irène Delse
            September 28, 2016 at 5:23 am #

            This brings to mind Good Omens, by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. The Antichrist is born, but there’s a mix-up at the hospital (which is, coincidentally, run by satanic nuns) and the Son of Satan goes home to a very ordinary English middle-class family. Confusion and hilarity ensues.

        • demodocus
          September 27, 2016 at 4:57 pm #

          That is a cruel thing to call my child

          • Roadstergal
            September 27, 2016 at 5:11 pm #

            I’m giggling madly now, because I’m thinking about one of the cleanest jokes I know. Jesus is playing in the yard, then suddenly hears something and runs inside to where Joseph is working at carpentry. “Hey, dad, did you call me?” “No… I just hit my thumb with the hammer.”

          • demodocus
            September 27, 2016 at 5:44 pm #

            He’s been driving me batty today. Sigh. Good thing for him that his mother loves him. 🙂

          • September 28, 2016 at 8:32 pm #

            OT to this comment but I am fond of citing this familiar structure to religious bigoted Formosa Plonkers who complain about gay marriage and how it will inevitably lead to polygamy.

            “Um, so? If I remember my bible, Jesus had a mother,father and step-father. Seemed to turn out okay.”

  21. Amy M
    September 27, 2016 at 12:27 pm #

    I caught the bit in the article where she says “our bodies are magically designed” to feed our babies. Really? See, she’s not judging! She just saying that women are divinely mandated to breastfeed.

    • September 27, 2016 at 3:58 pm #

      Magically designed? I’ve heard of “designed by a creator” and I’ve heard “designed through natural selection” but this is the first example I’ve heard of magic design of bodies.

      Funny how you trace how milk production works through lots of paths that already exist in mammalian bodies. Oh, wait. That’s science.

      Perhaps a loving creator decided that watching babies starve was cruel and so encouraged women to help women who weren’t lactating enough or whose children were orphaned by…..damn. Religion again.

      Pixies? Magic Pixies bring milk?

      • Megan
        September 27, 2016 at 4:11 pm #

        “Magic Pixies bring milk?”
        Yes, their names are Enfamil and Similac. 🙂

        • MaineJen
          September 27, 2016 at 4:57 pm #

          Magically delicious 🙂

  22. MaineJen
    September 27, 2016 at 12:26 pm #

    “Formula feeding is just like dialysis! It’s not *natural,* but if you really must, it’s good enough…”
    You’re right. She is SO not judging.

    • Roadstergal
      September 27, 2016 at 2:13 pm #

      Yep. Except that dialysis, unlike formula, isn’t really ‘good enough.’ You can definitely tell who is on dialysis vs who got a transplant, unlike with formula and breastmilk.

      • MaineJen
        September 27, 2016 at 3:23 pm #

        You can even see a difference in their blood serum samples, believe it or not…renal failure means bright yellow 🙁

    • September 27, 2016 at 3:54 pm #

      Because infants starving to death is actually very natural. Depressing, but very, very natural.

      Perhaps Ms….I’ve forgotten her name already….should reflect on that fact.

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